★★★½
“Unhappy birthday.”
If it hadn’t been for the lack of an ending, this would likely have got a seal of approval. The problem is, this web series came out in 2017, and as we close in on a decade later, I am beginning to suspect we may never see all the loose ends addressed. It begins with a quinceanera party, the traditional Mexican celebration to mark the coming of age of a young woman. In this case, it is being thrown in honour of Alejandra Santos (Xitlali), whose father Reynaldo (Mendoza) runs a Mexican restaurant. She really doesn’t want to be there, and her doubts prove well-justified, because it gets gate-crashed by Chavo Del Rio (Retamal) and his thugs.
I was going to tag this as “Die Hard at a quinceanera“, since initially that’s what seems to be happening. Turns out Dad made a business deal with very sketchy people to “hold” various items. When some of these go missing, he is blamed (it’s actually due to ne’er-do-well son Santiago and his pal), leading to the unexpected arrival of Chavo. Reynaldo’s denials lead to things getting very bloody, but Alejandra is able to get the drop on one of the thugs: there’s a death by sceptre which has to be the most symbolic weapon used, since Zoe Tamerlis used an iron to crack a rapist’s skull in Ms. 45. It’s after this, where things divert significantly from the expected route.
I will admit that Alejandra’s transition from truculent teenager to avenging angel is rather abrupt. However, it does eventually become clear that she has a lot of heritage on her side, not least her abuela or grandmother (Reynoso), who clearly has some history of her own. Indeed, on the Del Rio side there’s no shortage of bad-add mujeres either: the matriarch, Bertila (Bertila Damas), has some very strong views on this topic. By the end, it’s almost girls with guns the whole way down on both sides (albeit for some quite loose definition of “girls”, in regard to their age!). There has been a lot of ground covered, in around only seventy minutes: this is a web series of seven episodes, each being little more than ten minutes long.
I was very surprised to discover this was a Canadian production, filmed in and around British Columbia. There’s a strong Southwestern feel (something I’m familiar with, living just a couple of hours from the Mexican border), and I will certainly be checking out more from the makers. At first, I had concerns it would end up being more of a teen soap opera – think The OC, with a side of salsa. Fortunately, the company name, Luchagore Productions, is a clue that it won’t pull its punches: I think the moment I realized this was where a party guest had his mustache carved off his face with a machete. Yeah, it’s like that, and the red stuff flows like the Rio Grande thereafter. Just do not expect any resolution.
Dir: Gigi Saul Guerrero
Star: Mia Xitlali, Mathias Retamal, Mauricio Mendoza, Gabriela Reynoso


While technically a 1993 release, the copyright date on this is five years earlier. That seems about right, because a more eighties movie, you would be hard pushed to find. The hair! The synth score! The fashions! But, to be fair, this makes it ahead of its time in some ways. It definitely predates Heathers, with which it shares a number of elements in common. It takes place in small-town Texas, where Lincoln High School is home to a group of female vigilantes called The Sisterhood. They take it upon themselves to act as moral enforcers, punishing with violence those who sleep around, take drugs, etc. Their latest recruit is Misty (Greene), recently arrived in town.
To recap. I was unimpressed with the first
Kiku is an assassin for the Yakuza. Except, it’s complicated, in a whole variety of ways. Her current mission is to track down Alex Harris, who might or might not be the son of Takeo. He’s the head of the Yakuza in the United States, and the son of Kenzo, who is its overall leader. Takeo was also Kiku’s lover in the past. There’s also Jiro, who is Takeo’s half-brother, who is kidnapped by the Russian mob after the son of their boss is gunned down as part of a turf war with the Yakuza, and subsequently rescued by Kiku. Which is why tracking down Alex, before the Russians do, is suddenly of paramount importance.
This is a film I wanted to rate higher than I have. The performances are generally decent to good, and I don’t doubt the sincerity of those involved. However, both the script and the core action leave a bit to be desired. To start with the former, I’m not saying this story was written by AI. But if you did train ChatGPT with every combat sports cliché, and then ask it for a script… You probably wouldn’t be too far from what you get here. There’s Naomi (Williams) and Carter (Black), a couple united by their love of mixed martial arts. Until, that is, Carter refuses to take a dive in an underground tournament final, as ordered by the slimy Mindy (Thomas).
This movie was inspired by a Chinese Opera story, The Iron Bow Romance, though obviously action’d up for the cinema. The heroine is Xiuying Chen (Meng), the feisty daughter of a former soldier, killed in no uncertain fashion, during the heroic defense of his country during the Ming Dynasty. She and her widowed mother now run a tea-shop, and her father’s heavy bow still hangs on the wall. Xiuying has vowed not to marry anyone, unless they can draw that bow. However, she comes to the attention of the slimy Lun Shi (Pan), the entitled son of a local commander. A conveniently passing martial artist, Zhong Kuang (Wang), helps her escape – in the process drawing her father’s bow.
Mary (Benko) moves in to a new Brooklyn neighbourhood, along with her husband, John (Gorn) and teenage son, Johnny. But neither of them are comfortable, the middle-class morality being an ill fit for John’s career as a bank robber. Unfortunately, John has an addictive fondness for gambling, which leads to him being gunned down on their front porch. This leaves Mary excluded by most of the other residents, and in a precarious financial position, unable to find legitimate employment. Eventually, she convinces John’s sketchy associate Sean (Godere), to bring her on board for his next robbery, and Mary discovers a hidden talent for such activities. This brings with it a new-found inner confidence in her everyday life.
I’m not normally a stickler for accuracy in movies. My disbelief gets suspended so easily, there’s a hook for it beside the TV set. But I have to say, this provided a parade of occasions where it didn’t exactly feel like the characters were elite snipers. Indeed, at points, it seemed like this was the first time certain actors had held a gun, since they were pretending to be soldiers in the school playground, with a stick. In particular, they appear woefully unaware of the idea of concealment. I was painfully reminded of the Monty Python sketch, “How Not to be Seen”. Also, if you’re going to call in your old military pals, I’d go with a range of skills, not just snipers.
I gave serious consideration as to not covering this here, since it is kinda fringe. The protagonist, Rebecca Kamen (Cornish), spends much of the movie handcuffed. This is not particularly conducive to action. But there are just about enough moments, as shown, where she gets her hands on a firearm, to crawl over the qualifying threshold. Don’t expect much in the way of girls-with-guns action. In fact, don’t expect much, full stop. For as the tagline above suggests, I preferred this the first time I watched it, when it was called The Usual Suspects. It begins with the police investigating a scene involving arson and murder, where one victim attempted to paint a name in their blood on the wall: “Jovan”.
Chanda Bajaj is the very epitome of a troubled protagonist. A former soldier, she left the service after she and her comrades took part in the mass murder of “synths” – synthetic humans, and has been plagued by guilt and nightmares ever since. She has become an independent bounty hunter (or “Lancer” – short for “freelancer”), and has just landed on the ferociously hostile mining planet of Reitman, far out in the frontier colonies. The corporation which runs Reitman has an issue, with some of its employees – who are, really, more like indentured serfs – turning them into drug fuelled and violent killers.