★½
“Deceptive Advertising department, please.”
“An underground fighter and her estranged father steal a spacecraft to escape a dying Earth, only to face a deadly stowaway who sabotages their life support, forcing them into a fight for survival in the claustrophobic confines of space.” That’s the film I wanted to watch. Unfortunately, it actually occupies only about ten minutes or so, of the hundred for which this runs. The rest is mostly painfully obvious, and not particularly innovative, helpful or even funny, attempts at social satire. It feels like writer-director (as well as cinematographer, editor and producer) Grillo saw Don’t Look Up, and thought, “That was okay, but it needed to be much less subtle, and made on a budget of around forty grand.”
It takes place in a world where tech billionaire Elon Musk Jude Micah (Douglas) is predicting doom, with the moon about to crash into the Earth. For the low, low price of fifteen million dollars, you too can have your own escape shuttle – the Intruder of the title – and fly off to join the other emigrants in an outer-space sanctuary. After initial denials from the authorities, turns out Micah is completely correct. Eventually (and we’re talking forty minutes in), we get to the point where Bree Hewitt (Godfrey), the fighter mentioned in the synopsis, does indeed hijack an Intruder and head off-planet. After odd occurrences on-board, there is a brief period, as noted of maybe ten minutes, where she does indeed fight the stowaway (Scarola). Then, it’s back to the social satire.
I suppose, had I gone in with accurate expectations, this might have merited a better rating. There are a couple of moments which actually did amuse me: there’s a faux version of Frank Sinatra, singing a song whose lyrics are basically a serial killer ballad. And the final scene, just before the moon does indeed crash into the Earth, where a TV presenter professes his love for an increasingly horrified colleague. Those were genuinely clever and well-executed. But after the opening cage fight, showing Bree in action – and getting tossed from a pro career because of her failure to stop at the bell – we have to wait almost an hour for her to swing another fist in anger. Which is the reason I was watching.
The reality is, had I gone in with accurate expectations, I simply wouldn’t have gone in at all. I have no objection to films with messages, but this is a prime example of one where it feels the movie is a delivery mechanism for the message, rather then first and foremost being concerned with entertaining the viewers. As soon as I realized this, I tuned out, because – agreement or otherwise with the specific message aside – it’s simply not why I watch films in general, and action heroine movies in particular. If I want a clumsy and blatant lecture on social issues, I will… Oh, wait. I don’t. At all.
Dir: Christian Jude Grillo
Star: Dana Godfrey, Iryna Scarola, D.C. Douglas, Andrew Hunsicker


This movie was inspired by a Chinese Opera story, The Iron Bow Romance, though obviously action’d up for the cinema. The heroine is Xiuying Chen (Meng), the feisty daughter of a former soldier, killed in no uncertain fashion, during the heroic defense of his country during the Ming Dynasty. She and her widowed mother now run a tea-shop, and her father’s heavy bow still hangs on the wall. Xiuying has vowed not to marry anyone, unless they can draw that bow. However, she comes to the attention of the slimy Lun Shi (Pan), the entitled son of a local commander. A conveniently passing martial artist, Zhong Kuang (Wang), helps her escape – in the process drawing her father’s bow.
This gets an extra half-star, simply for trying to go in some unexpected directions. I’ve seen enough of these urban flicks to know the template from which they are largely stamped. Now and again, this doesn’t so much colour outside the lines, as forget about the lines entirely. It doesn’t always work. God knows, it doesn’t always work. Still, I respect the attempt. It used the word “duplicitous” inside the first minute, and you get a voice-over saying things like, “The crimson stains of her actions seemed to fade momentarily, offering a fleeting illusion of absolution. A fragile attempt to reconcile the duality of her existence.” That’s some fancy-ass, hi-falutin’ language for a film in this sub-genre.
This had a fair number of decent and well-done elements. However, it very much feels like these are balanced by the aspects which fall short of adequate. How you react to this will likely be determined by your ability to overlook the latter, and appreciate the former. The basic idea is lean and mean. Sisters Jas (Purvis) and Laura (Pauley) are on a country weekend, when they encounter a car-load of men led by the particularly sleazy Randy (North). This leads to a home-invasion, a dead Laura, and Jas going on a rampage of revenge through everyone Randy can throw at her. Fair enough there, with enough brutal violence to leave the most blood-thirsty satisfied.
I dunno. Maybe I’m getting less patient in my old age. Or maybe social media has shot my attention span to pieces. But I’ve noticed of late that my tolerance for underwhelming movies has worn precariously thin. I definitely feel like the average rating I’ve handed out on this side in the past year has gone down, as film after film has failed to capture my interest. This is the latest such: the best thing I can say about it is, the creators did a good job of keeping within their means. This means a cast in single digits, and everything shot where film-making is cheap, in the great outdoors.
I’m not averse to the concept here. The Tubi synopsis says, “Three women rampage from Detroit to Chicago seeking revenge on Davion Legrel I, the ruthless criminal who killed their best friend.” I’d watch that movie: if anyone ever gets around to making it, let me know. Because this certainly would require subdued lighting and a very specific angle, as well probably as some kind of eye condition, before it could be mistaken for the synopsis. I am even slightly interested in lead character Christina (Brazier), a former Army nurse who, bizarrely, alludes to having learned interrogation skills while on tour in the Middle East. This would not be a combination I’ve encountered before.
I mean: Stetson wearin’, six-gun shootin’ country gal, on a mission to slay demons, vampires and things that go bump in the West? Yeah, it’s like that. Mind you, there’s a rough start to this, with three minutes of what is likely a top contender for the worst acting of 2026. I guess it’s good to get it out of the way early, and it does make the rest of the cast look like Oscar candidates in comparison. To be fair, Jones is decent enough in the title role. Even when lumbered with some pretty clunky globs of exposition about a 17th-century Satanic cult, she is generally tolerable, and occasionally above that.
I have to give this credit for being something different. A vampire sports movie? Not a genre cross I’ve seen before. Especially when the sport is… um, modern pentathlon, the least-watched member of the modern Olympics. It’s a five-discipline event, based on the skills needed by a cavalry officer: running, shooting, fencing, swimming and horse-riding. All five play their part here, mostly in the form of Marcia Lorenz (Dordel), a former pentathlete, who is now a hunting guide. Well, was. She just got fired, and has absconded with valuable antique documents belonging to the customer who was responsible. Driving through remote woods, she stops to help a woman by the road, and that’s where things kick off.
Alma Siracine (Vacth) was a black ops agent for the French government, until an assignment in Syria went pear-shaped, and she resigned her position. Seven years later, she’s living quietly with her policeman husband in Morocco, until he’s the victim of a drive-by shooting. She finds the attackers and terminates them. Unfortunately, they are the sons of local arms dealer Manour Khoury (Dazi). Not helping, he is under the protection of the French government, being allowed to operate in exchange for funneling information to them about terrorist attacks. Spymaster Joanna Walter (Bercot) decides Alma is a loose end in need of tidying. Alma, naturally, is of a different opinion, and won’t be easy to clean up.
[Note: not to be confused with