Author: Jim McLennan
The Legend of Frenchie King
★★★½
“”
So, if a Western made by Italians is a spaghetti Western, what should we call one created by the French? An escargot Western? I’ll tell you what I call this: a surprising amount of fun. It’s sexy, funny, honours the genre while poking fun at its tropes, and gives us not one, but two spectacular heroines, rarely matched since. Only a shortage of action prevents this from getting a seal of approval. As a film on its own merits, it’s one I would still definitely recommend. It takes place in 1888 Texas, specifically the town of Bougival Junction, established by French immigrants, which explains the dominant language. Though as the town sign says, “English spoken if necessary.”
The only native speaker of that language is the town sheriff (Pollard). He keeps losing his horse, and tries to speak an adorably butchered French to Marie Sarrazin (Cardinale), who runs the town with her four brothers. Meanwhile, a gang of outlaws is robbing trains in the area – nobody realizes that they are all women, daughters of the hanged criminal, Frenchie King, under their leader, Louise (Bardot). The Kings steal a map indicating oil has been found on the Little P Ranch, and look to take it over while the actual owner, wannabe oil baron Dr. Miller (Czarniak) is recovering from injuries suffered in the robbery. But the Sarazins are also interested in the land, setting up a feud between Marie and Louise – until Dr. Miller shows up, anyway, representing a common enemy.
So, who do you prefer? Bardot or Cardinale? I haven’t been faced with such a difficult seventies-related decision, since having to choose which member of ABBA I preferred. Here, I was leaning #TeamCardinale. But then, Bardot and her clan showed up, clad in black. It’s a very credible argument. This is truly a film for the male gaze, whether it’s the King sisters skinny-dipping, or Marie stripping down to her lingerie for a musical number. And why not. Yet the film always depicts them as smart, courageous and taking absolutely no crap from anyone. Least of all each other, leading to a surprisingly lengthy brawl between them, which ends only when both are simply too exhausted to go on.
Shame there wasn’t more of this, and there’s a lovely joke where the pair’s manservants – one black, one Indian – quietly wager on the outcome. There’s an earlier scene where the Kings are cheating at saloon poker, which seems tailor-made for a bar-room brawl. Only it skips disappointingly to the aftermath. Similarly, both women are set up as being very proficient with firearms, except this skill never plays a significant role. Though I was highly amused by Louise terrorizing the naked Sarrazin brothers with a shotgun, after catching them with her sisters. Not to be taken in the slightest bit seriously, this is a lovely bit of frothy entertainment, featuring two of the decade’s titans of European babedom.
Dir: Christian-Jaque
Star: Brigitte Bardot, Claudia Cardinale, Michael J. Pollard, Henri Czarniak
a.k.a. Les Pétroleuses
The Eyes of the Abyss
★★★
“Ship shape.”
Ines Robles (Intile) wakes from unconsciousness to find herself on board a boat in the middle of the ocean, with no memory of what happened to her. The rest of the crew are dead, apparently in a violent manner, and she’s unable to raise help on the radio. Worse is to follow. A party of British soldiers, under the “command” – quotes used advisedly – of a scientist, Doctor Claire (Alfonsin), arrive on board. Their intentions are dubious, and their actions even more questionable. However, it turns out that Ines has some unexpected advantages in the resulting battle, as a result of what happened on the ship, before she came round. Whatever that might be.
This is a small-scale item, which unfolds entirely on the confines of the boat, and does well at generating a dank and claustrophobic atmosphere. Without, please note, burying everything in darkness, like some film-makers think is how you go about creating that “atmosphere”. The other thing which was particularly interesting was its Argentinean origins. As soon as I saw the British soldiers arrive, I immediately made a connection to the war between the two countries over the Falklands in 1982. Not least, because a wall calendar on the ship is from that exact year. Though mostly because Ines is busy trying to survive, period colour is generally slight in the main. Until it isn’t. Look, I’m trying to avoid spoilers here, so pardon me if I am reduced to hints and vague waving of my hands.
It’s possible you might be able to piece together where things are going before the film explains things explicitly. Or, more or less explicitly, because I’m not sure all the pieces we are given, fit neatly into the scenario. For example, I don’t think it’s ever quite clear who (or what) was responsible for the deaths of Ines’s crew-mates. I’m guessing there may have been more to the experience they went through, than was shown on screen, or remembered by Ines. At least the film does a decent enough job of avoiding the cliches, such as having her memories come back as necessary, or Ines finding a convenient video diary left by another member of the crew.
Instead, it’s Freddie Mercury who leads to the moment of revelation for all concerned. And if that doesn’t make any sense, it’s probably all for the best. Sorry, more hand-waving. I will deduct some points for the poster, which does over-sell the contents to some degree. Ines never really “hunts”, certainly until the final few minutes (though it runs a brisk 72 in total, so is unlikely to outstay its welcome). If not quite what I expected from the advertising, it proved to be different in an interesting way, and I’m always prepared to cut a film for slack in that direction. I’d recommend going in with as few expectations as possible, and just go along with wherever the movie wants to take you.
Dir: Daniel de la Vega
Star: Verónica Intile, Carolina Alfonsín, Kevin Schiele, Raymond E. Lee
Fall 2: Deadpoint
★★★
“Fall me twice…”
The original Fall was a sleeper hit, which found thoroughly deserved new life on streaming. I watched it again recently on BluRay, and yep: it still triggers a visceral, physical reaction in me, unlike almost any other film. A sequel was inevitable, and probably equally as inevitably, it doesn’t reach the same heights – pun absolutely intended – as the original. While pleasant enough entertainment, it comes over with roughly the same impact as a mid-season episode of American Ninja Warrior. Though it wasn’t long before Chris was re-confirming her desire to avoid any leisure activity involving heights (hanging Halloween decoration from the garage is about her limit), my palms stayed more or less dry throughout.
It follow Jax (Slater), the younger sister of Shiloh (Gardner, who appears in flashbacks), the daredevil from the original movie. She’s contacted by Luce (Thomas), a friend of Shiloh’s. She convinces Jax to join her on a plank walk in Thailand, clearly inspired by the notorious Mount Huashan plank walk in China. Even the shape of the mountain here is similar, though the real location is much shorter, little more than a hundred yards long. Naturally, things do not go well. They are cut of from their guide, Jon (Brittney), by one rockfall; when trying to make their way back, another cuts off the return path. And with this being an unauthorized expedition, rescue will not be coming for them any time soon.
It does remain well-made, and there is a genuine sense of being a long way from the ground. So I’m not quite certain why it never engaged with the primordial part of my brain in the same way as its predecessor. I was somewhat less impressed with the characters, whose count of poor decisions certainly surpasses the last installment. Luce, in particular, seemed more irritating than anything, though to be fair, later revelations do provide some explanation. There’s also a sub-plot involving drug smuggling, which doesn’t make a lot of common sense, unless the price of fentanyl in Thailand is about ten times the price here. These problem infect in particular the first and third acts, replacing the smooth simplicity of Fall.
However, the middle still has its share of credible chills, with the horizontal nature of the route – albeit over a drop of several thousand feet – being what generates the Ninja Warrior similarities. Swinging and progressing laterally becomes the key to survival, using the remnants of the plank walk as tools, although they sometimes become hazards. Figuring out the mechanics for this is likely where the movie is at is strongest, focusing strictly on Problem > Solution > Repeat. Everything else is an unnecessary burden, because the viewers disbelief is already suspended out of bare necessity. If you need to ask “Why?” after the first shot of the precipitous drop below, this is probably not for you. Competent enough to make me amenable to Fall 3, albeit only just.
Dir: The Spierig Brothers
Star: Harriet Slater, Arsema Thomas, Tom Brittney, Virginia Gardner
Nova Star
★★★
“In space, no-one can hear you copying.”
This very low-fi space-opera comedy is little more than a hodge-podge of elements pulled from various SF of the past sixty years. You can almost tick them off: Barbarella, 2001, Star Wars. But, if I had to pick the major influences, it’d be Red Dwarf, and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. There are points where it’s not exactly subtle about it either. At one point, the heroine’s robot sidekick tells her, “The hours are good. I mean, the actual minutes themselves are pretty lousy.” It’s painfully close to plagiarizing a Vogon Guard line from Hitchhiker’s: “The hours are good… But now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.” Seconds later, we get a “Sector 009 Plural Z Alpha” reference too.
Red Dwarf can be invoked due to the heroine, Mack (Fortuna), who is almost the lowest of the low on board the Space Navy craft: a Senior Sanitation Technician, whose main job is cleaning toilets. Except, through a serious of unfortunate events, she becomes the keeper of the titular gem, embedded in her forehead, making her the hottest property in the universe. The evil Andromeda Hex (Swiburne) wants it, and the power the jewel possesses. Space Pirate Rom (Brotz) is the first to get her hands on Mack and the aforementioned sidekick, Spanners (Brotz). But despite the bounty, Rom decides to help Mack figure out her situation. And so begins a galaxy-spanning odyssey, before an ending which… probably makes as much as sense as 2001.
Yet, despite losing points for shameless theft, I enjoyed the reckless stupidity at its heart. Mack is a very sympathetic heroine, who grows into her role as the saviour of the universe, while Andromeda makes for a fine, scenery-chewing villainess, and Rom is, effectively, a bisexual version of Han Solo. Being of Australian origin, it is naturally fairly down-to-earth, shall we say. Those offended by the use of terms such as “space cunts” should probably stay away. This is also not a high-budget production. Though there are times where the effects are either a) surprisingly decent, or b) cheap in an amusing way, such as the way the screen for the spaceship’s defense systems look like an 8-bit video game system.
It is at its best when doing its own think, rather than aping genre classics. The way in which Mack disposes of Andromeda’s ship is almost brilliant. Though as Spanner deadpans later, “You have a tendency to express things using toilet analogies. I’m fearful it might be symptomatic of a fetish at this point.” The ending, as noted, feels either like they ran out of money, or everyone just got bored with the whole endeavour. Either is plausible. But I ain’t gonna lie: I was more entertained by this than the bloated monstrosity of Dune, at likely a thousand times the budget, and seventy-five minutes longer. Though being a big fan of both Dwarf and Hitchhiker’s certainly helped.
Dir: Daniel Armstrong
Star: Rebecca Fortuna, Whitney Duff, Mitchell Brotz, Danae Swinburne
Intruder
★½
“Deceptive Advertising department, please.”
“An underground fighter and her estranged father steal a spacecraft to escape a dying Earth, only to face a deadly stowaway who sabotages their life support, forcing them into a fight for survival in the claustrophobic confines of space.” That’s the film I wanted to watch. Unfortunately, it actually occupies only about ten minutes or so, of the hundred for which this runs. The rest is mostly painfully obvious, and not particularly innovative, helpful or even funny, attempts at social satire. It feels like writer-director (as well as cinematographer, editor and producer) Grillo saw Don’t Look Up, and thought, “That was okay, but it needed to be much less subtle, and made on a budget of around forty grand.”
It takes place in a world where tech billionaire Elon Musk Jude Micah (Douglas) is predicting doom, with the moon about to crash into the Earth. For the low, low price of fifteen million dollars, you too can have your own escape shuttle – the Intruder of the title – and fly off to join the other emigrants in an outer-space sanctuary. After initial denials from the authorities, turns out Micah is completely correct. Eventually (and we’re talking forty minutes in), we get to the point where Bree Hewitt (Godfrey), the fighter mentioned in the synopsis, does indeed hijack an Intruder and head off-planet. After odd occurrences on-board, there is a brief period, as noted of maybe ten minutes, where she does indeed fight the stowaway (Scarola). Then, it’s back to the social satire.
I suppose, had I gone in with accurate expectations, this might have merited a better rating. There are a couple of moments which actually did amuse me: there’s a faux version of Frank Sinatra, singing a song whose lyrics are basically a serial killer ballad. And the final scene, just before the moon does indeed crash into the Earth, where a TV presenter professes his love for an increasingly horrified colleague. Those were genuinely clever and well-executed. But after the opening cage fight, showing Bree in action – and getting tossed from a pro career because of her failure to stop at the bell – we have to wait almost an hour for her to swing another fist in anger. Which is the reason I was watching.
The reality is, had I gone in with accurate expectations, I simply wouldn’t have gone in at all. I have no objection to films with messages, but this is a prime example of one where it feels the movie is a delivery mechanism for the message, rather then first and foremost being concerned with entertaining the viewers. As soon as I realized this, I tuned out, because – agreement or otherwise with the specific message aside – it’s simply not why I watch films in general, and action heroine movies in particular. If I want a clumsy and blatant lecture on social issues, I will… Oh, wait. I don’t. At all.
Dir: Christian Jude Grillo
Star: Dana Godfrey, Iryna Scarola, D.C. Douglas, Andrew Hunsicker
The Lady Professional
★★★
“Keeping it professional.”
After a bit of a slow start, this eventually delivers and becomes a good entry in the “female assassin” genre. Just do not expect much in the way of martial arts, as there might have been had this starred the likes of Angela Mao or Sue Shiomi. Ge Tianli (Ho) is the working girl of the title, and uses a nifty Bond-esque gadget in the process of her job. It’s a make-up compact which has been modified to fire lethal darts at her target. Though if I was her boss, I might be inclined to question her choices of location. We first see her killing a guy on a roller-coaster in motion, which seems unnecessarily difficult.
Or perhaps it was just intended to show that she’s such as bad-ass, she can take you out anywhere? Although she’s not actually an assassin by choice. She originally got in the field of work purely for personal reasons, taking revenge after her family was murdered. However, a triad boss, Xiaojiang (Chang) has evidence of this, and consequently, she now has to carry out hits at his beck and call. She’d rather just be serving tea in her cafe. Tianli gets commissioned to take out Shi Yun-pu (Chan), who is about to squeal on a smuggling operation. Fair enough, except the one commissioning the hit then decides he wants to tidy up loose ends, and cuts the brakes on her nifty sports car.
You can likely fill in the rest of the plot yourself. She does not take well to the attempted assassin assassination, and works her way up the chain of command to find the man responsible. This is where things get considerably more interesting, after a first half which is rather too chatty, with the odd interruption for compact carnage, and a not particularly exciting car chase. But when Ho (who really doesn’t look particularly Oriental) gets the bit between her teeth, the film certainly amps up a gear. She wears a shiny black (p)leather coat as she climbs the ranks, and while she demonstrates little or no hand-to-hand skills, proves adept enough with a gun to get the job done.
I particularly enjoyed her battle in a warehouse against three goons, one of whom is Yeung in an early role. It’s established early on that she can’t possible outfight them: her opponents are simply to strong for her to damage them. However, she uses the environment (which also includes a surprising amount of trampolines) against them effectively, leading to a trio of deaths by construction equipment, including a surprisingly messy fatality by industrial chipper. She then dresses as a nun (!) in order to get close to her final target, as he wisely tries to make his way out of the country. By this point, I was enjoying it considerably more than I expected in the early going, where our heroine didn’t seem to be doing much. Stick with it, I’d say, and you may well find an adequate payoff.
Dir: Chih-Hung Kuei and Akinori Matsuo
Star: Lily Ho, Chang Pei-shan, Chan Shen, Bolo Yeung
Liverleaf
★★★★
“Everyone has a breaking point.”
Haruka Nozaki (Yamada) is just a couple of month away from graduating junior high. But will she make it? Because her life is being made a living hell by bullies at the school. Rumour has it that she “stole” a boy, Mitsuru Aiba (Shimizu), from another girl, Taeko Oguro (Ôtani). As a result, Haruka has become the relentless target of other female students. The staff are no help: the school is going to be closed after this class graduates, and the teachers consequently couldn’t care less. Indeed, Haruka’s father, a substitute teacher – that’s why she ended up transferring in – is being victimized by the male bullies, in a similar way to his daughter.
Things come to a head after fire destroys Haruka’s home, killing her parents and putting her perky little sister in the hospital with severe burns. And when I say, “come to a head”, the rest of the film is filled with some of the more disturbing violence I have seen in recent years. The attitude here feels almost like Battle Royale, in that the people inflicting this level of savagery are basically kids. They are not supposed to be this way, folks. There’s not even the distancing element of a dystopian future, which Battle Royale enjoyed. Nor it is simply Haruka. You can’t claim “one bad apple”, because there are a lot of people here, who seem to live by the motto, “Hurt people, hurt people.”
The famous quote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,” often misattributed to Edmund Burke, came to mind here too. Because, while Mitsuru initially pushes back against the bullies targeting Haruka, it’s a half-hearted effort. Though I guess it’s better than the completely useless adults, from parents through pedagogues, to the all but entirely absent authorities. By the end though, you will perhaps be left questioning whether anyone here genuinely falls into the category of “good.” Everyone has their traumas, which have left them negatively impacted, and many are paying it forward to others. This is most apparent in the character of Rumi Sayama (Ôtsuka), one of the bullies’ victims, who ends up joining their clique.
Naitô directs things with a bleakness appropriate to the story. Much of it unfolds against a backdrop of snowy weather (the title, incidentally, refers to a winter flower). If there’s one shot of red, red blood splattering across a snowdrift, there’s a dozen. But it’s such an iconic image, I can’t blame him for using it more than once. I note that Naitô himself used to be a teacher. This isn’t the only case where that previous career seems to inform his work, if the title of a previous movie is any guide: Let’s Make the Teacher Have a Miscarriage Club. I’ve seen enough movies that my level of concern for the Japanese educational system, and those who go through it, is certainly non-zero. This ensures it won’t be going down any time soon.
Dir: Eisuke Naitô
Star: Anna Yamada, Hiroya Shimizu, Rinka Ôtani, Rena Ôtsuka
Daughter of Sparta, by Claire Andrews
Literary rating: ★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆
The author says, “My goal was to bring to light the often-underappreciated women of Greek myth and history—I wanted to give these women the stories they deserved.” It’s a somewhat odd goal, given there’s not exactly a shortage of them already. Hard to call the likes of Zeus’s wife Hera, goddess of war Athena, or Artemis the huntress particularly “underappreciated.” But what Andrews has done here specifically, is flip the script on the myth of Apollo and Daphne. Originally, it was the story of Apollo’s relentless pursuit of wood nymph Daphne, who ended up becoming a laurel tree to escape him.
That is, understandably, far too stalkery for modern consumption. In this version, Daphne lives in Sparta, and is a strong warrior. However, because she was not born there, she is destined to remain a Mothakes, an outsider. Regardless, she is still the gods’ choice, when they need someone mortal. Their divine abilities are waning, after someone has kidnapped the Muses, “the source of all the power of Olympus”, home to the gods. Daphne is compelled by Artemis to go on a mission to find and free them, with Apollo alongside her. This sends our heroine across the entire Hellenic region, encountering deities both benign and malevolent, as well as facing mythical creatures like the Minotaur, ending with a journey into Tartarus, where the souls of the wicked are punished.
As a reversal, it’s fairly well-done. It reminded me of the other quest stories which pepper Greek mythology, such as the twelve labours of Hercules. I particularly liked how the gods covered the whole spectrum of characters. Artemis, for example, while clearly acting in the best interests of Olympus, has no hesitation in forcing Daphne’s co-operation, by transforming those near and dear to her, into animals. Determining where the loyalties of the others lie can sometimes be tricky, though if you’ve seen Wonder Woman, you’ll not be surprised by Ares’s allegiance. Daphne’s character arc over the course of her adventures was also an effective one, and she becomes battle-hardened, taking damage to the point she can barely walk by the final encounter.
I was considerably less convinced by the, sadly, inevitable romance which was developed between our heroine and Apollo. There were points where I would have welcomed turning into a tree myself, to escape it. The presence of so many deities, all with infinite powers, does become a bit of a “Get out of jail free” card on a couple of occasions, though the limitations resulting from the missing Muses do prevent this from becoming an excessive crutch. It’s an interesting twist on mythology, albeit one which has to bang a few square pegs in, to mould the narrative to its desired ends. I wouldn’t call it any better than the classical stories. Just a little different, and that’s no bad thing.
Author: Claire Andrews
Publisher: Little Brown Books, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
Book 1 of 3 in the Daughter of Sparta series.
Revolver Lily
★★½
“Just when you think you’re out…”
Yuri Ozone (Ayase) was once one of the most feared assassins in all of Japan, before she vanished off the grid around 1914. A decade later, she is quietly running a brothel. As you do, I guess. Anyway, Shinta Hosomi (Hamura) is a young man, who can only watch as the rest of his family is ruthlessly slaughtered by a party seeking… something. However, he was told in the event of such an incident, to see out Yuri and she would help him. Naturally, this drags her back out of “retirement” – quotes used, since she’s not exactly of pensionable age – and into the middle of a battle between different section of the Japanese military, with war looming on the horizon.
Fortunately, she has some assistance, in the form of Yoshiaki Iwami (Hasegawa). He’s a lawyer, and all round fixer, who is able to help provide Yuri with the information she needs to be able to survive. It turns out that Shinta is in possession of very valuable documents, which are the key to unlocking a large sum embezzled away in government funds. However, it turns out that these are only part of the matter, because whoever has these also needs pass-codes to access the funds, which are held entirely separately. If this all seems quite messy, and perhaps also not dissimilar to The Three Faces of Gloria… Yeah, I would say you are probably right there. With added coincidence, such as Yuri just so happening to find herself on the same train as Shinta.
What works here in particular is the period atmosphere. It’s clear there was a lot of money spent on the production, with the mid-twenties era being lavishly recreated, in costumes, transport and decor. The action in general isn’t bad, with Ayase knowing her way around a fight sequence, though her enemies are strictly from the Imperial Stormtrooper school of firearm training. Even at close range, they are always too slow, too inaccurate, or both, to the extent their incompetence almost begins to feel like a running joke. But there are still some well-staged set pieces, such as one which unfolds in thick fog, giving an otherworldly, and almost ghostly feel to proceedings.
Unfortunately, the film managed to lose my attention entirely in the middle section. With a running-time of 139 minutes, I felt there was a severe lack of focus in the central narrative, with too much attention on various political shenanigans i.e. Army vs. Navy, and secondary characters. I also found the obvious pacifist messaging rather trite, and somewhat ironic given both the copious amounts of violence on show, as well as the actual actions of Japan during the following decade, such as their invasion of Manchuria in 1931. Outside of the period setting, I had a strong sense overall of having been here before. While the action was decent, given the overall length, it seemed spread too thin to, alone, justify the movie’s existence.
Dir: Isao Yukisada
Star: Haruka Ayase, Hiroki Hasegawa, Jinsei Hamura, Kavka Shishido