Category: Review

Karate Do

  By

★★½
“Do, a dear…”

Firstly, I’m not quite sure whether this is a movie or not. The IMDb lists it with a running time of 98 minutes, but Tubi had it as 4 x 25-minute episodes. I’m guessing the former is just a compilation of the latter, it works about the same either way. The title translates as “The way of the empty hand”, and the emphasis here is very much on the first part: the journey. The heroine is Nicki Wright (G. Niebauer), who has barely got out of rehab for alcohol problems, when she gets involved in a brawl, after seeing a woman being assaulted by a man. Her mother had had enough of dealing with Nicki’s taciturn BS, and dumps her on her father, Cliff (D. Niebauer).

Turns out Cliff was a bit of a karate bad-ass, and agrees to teach his estranged daughter the martial art. However, while Nicki wants simply to learn how to beat people up, Cliff insists on the process, beginning with the simplest of forms, and teaching her as much about the philosophy of karate, as the physical movements. He also introduces her to other martial arts, such as kendo, and Nicki (inevitably) begins to realize there is considerably more to the field than pure aggression. Inspired by her father’s teachings, she seeks to pass it on to high-school girls, so they can defend themselves. Her plan does not meet with unbridled enthusiasm by the local principal, shall we say. Meanwhile, her father finds himself in desperate need of cash, after his stock investments tank.

If you’re a fan of training montages – especially with voice-overs –  boy, is this the movie for you. Normally, that would be a severe problem, but as mentioned above, this is not a film about beating people up. It’s about the spiritual transition which can be obtained through rigourous physical training. As such, it’s likely among the most accurate martial-arts films I’ve ever seen, in the sense of being true to the central ethos and overall philosophy. There’s no rival school with which to duel. No climactic tournament. The biggest battle Nicki faces is with her inner demons, in the form of her alcoholism. You have to respect the film-makers’ adherence to their core beliefs.

That said… There’s a reason why most films introduce such artificial conflicts. Because, truth be told, “real” martial arts is pretty damn dull, as a viewing experience to the casual spectator. As depicted here, it has about the entertainment quotient of watching aerobics. Matters are not helped by the way this seemed to finish after four episodes without any of the threads being satisfactorily resolved. It feels like more were needed to address the story-lines, and the result was unsatisfactory. I did enjoy the familial feel here: I’m guessing Nicki and Cliff genuinely are father and daughter, or something similar, and their relationship is convincing. However, that is not enough to overcome an underwhelming lack of dramatic structure, and unless you’re a karate student yourself, I can’t honestly recommend this.

Dir: Jessie Topsi
Star: Gabrielle Niebauer, Dan Niebauer, Paris Moletti, Heather Alexander

Unchained

  By

★★
“Needs a short leash”

This likely suffered, having been watched the day after Boyka: Unleashed which, while not an action heroine film by any stretch of the imagination, is a near-perfect demonstration of how brutal, no-holds barred fights should be filmed. I can only guess that “Raphaello” never saw Boyka: Unleashed. And since he also co-wrote, co-produced, shot and edited this thing, pretty much all the blame for its shortcomings has to be laid at his feet. I say this, since the performances, if hardly Oscar-winning, are likely the least of the film’s worries. Even if Eric Roberts may have literally phoned, or these days, Zoomed in his role, straight from his living-room couch, as the story-telling father of the heroine.

She is Aella (Mulroney), an ex-soldier who is now desperately seeking work to fend off the bills that are piling up. She goes to audition for a role in a movie about an underground fight club, only to be bopped on the head, and wake up in – what are the odds! – an underground fight club. There’s she is forcibly trained by The Warden (Andrews, looking like the resurrected corpse of Lemmy from Motorhead) and his sidekick Regina. The latter is played by Valkyrie – that’s not her real name, she’s a pro wrestler whom we remember from Lucha Underground,  and is married to the more well-known John Morrison. From here, things progress more or less as you’d expect, with Aella and her fellow captives fighting each other, while plotting a break for freedom.

It is, as noted, the technical aspects which are woefully inept here. “Raphaello” seems incapable of holding the camera steady and pointing it in the same direction for more than two seconds during the fight scenes, which are borderline unwatchable as a result. Mind you, the participants appear largely unfamiliar with how to throw a punch; odd consider Aella’s supposed military background. Not helping matters are the tedious training montages, terrible soundtrack, and resources which fall well short of the high-end operation supposedly taking place, where women are sold for six-figure sums. I’m pretty sure the entire film did not cost anywhere near six figures. Then there’s the ending, where a giant fireball kills all the bad people, while the heroine escapes unscathed… by turning her back on it. I kid you not.

If more a disaster movie than an action one, in the sense of being a disaster, I will say, I did keep watching. As noted earlier, this is mostly due to decent performances. Mulroney has about the right mix of resilience and insolence for the role, while both Andrews and Valkyrie are cut from suitably villainous cloth. In better hands – such as the people behind Boyka: Unleashed – the actors and actresses could have been part of something entertaining. As is, it largely goes to prove that, no matter how many hyphens “Raphaello” may string into his credentials, there’s no substitute for talent. 

Dir: Raphaello
Star: Mair Mulroney, Larry L Andrews, Taya Valkyrie, Maricris Lapaix

Fury of a Phoenix by Shannon Mayer

  By

Literary rating: ★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆½

Bea is living a quiet life, far out in the Wyoming countryside, with her husband Justin and young son, Bear. However, this isolation is an entirely deliberate choice in order to escape from her past.  For in her previous life, she was Phoenix Romano, an enforcer and hit-woman for her mob boss father. After deciding she’d had enough of that life, she liberated several millions of his money, and vanished, hoping never to be found again. Naturally, things don’t quite work out like that. Justin and Bear are killed in a car crash, but Phoenix has reason to suspect it wasn’t an accident, and that instead her past life is catching up with her. But why did whoever was responsible for that go after her family, and leave her alive?

Alone, this would have potential for a story of revenge. However, Mayer also lobs in a helping of magic, in the form of “abnormals”, who have certain skills that can be used for good or evil. To be honest, this was not an idea which felt developed adequately – barely at all, in fact – and seemed almost a sop so that the book could be sold in the urban fantasy genre. For example, the fact that her father had entered a pact with the devil for his fortune, didn’t make any particular difference, and could easily have been entirely left out. He could simply have been a powerful gangster – except perhaps for the three hellspawn guardians protecting him. And only one of them see action in this first volume. I did like her talking guns, though again this is an idea which feels underdeveloped. Perhaps later books explore these in more details? On the other hand, there’s something to be said for a heroine without any magic ‘get out of jail free’ talent cards to play.

The good news is, there’s enough going on in the mundane world to make for a solid enough read. There really can’t be much better motivation for revenge, than a mother having to watch helplessly as her child’s life is torn away. Just about everything thereafter develops in a fluid fashion from this, as she reconnects with her old life and finds out the unpleasant truths about… Well, quite a few things, in fact – not least that Justin wasn’t exactly the innocent winter sports professional he appeared. I did have some qualms over her wanting to tell the perpetrator she was coming for them; it seems like bravado, making Nix’s task needlessly more difficult. But I guess, if it’s good enough for Beatrix Kiddo, it’s good enough for any vengeful action heroine. Despite (or, probably more likely, because of) the blatant cliff-hanger, this is probably not a series I’m going to bother delving any further into. However, I can’t say I felt like I wasted the time spent reading it.

Author: Shannon Mayer
Publisher: Hijinks Ink Publishing, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
1 of 4 in the Nix series.

The Naked Cage

  By

★★★★
“Pinky violence in the USA”

Yes, in some way, this is probably among the closest the West has come to reproducing the DGAF attitude of Japanese entries like the Female Prisoner Scorpion series. Here, it’s most notable in the character of Rita (Whitaker), an unrepentant bad girl who has no hesitation in knocking out a cop and blowing away a diner owner, inside the first five minutes. Inevitably, she ends up sent to the slammer, along with innocent Michelle (Shattock), after a bank job goes wrong. Rita blames Michelle for her capture, and is intent on making her pay. Though first, she’ll have to deal with the existing “queen bee” of the prison. Meanwhile, Michelle has problems of her own, not least sleazy prison guard Smiley (Benedict), a part-time pimp who has set his sights on her.

There’s no shortage of things going on here, and it’s all enhanced by helpings of gratuitous nudity and senseless violence. These are delivered with energy by director Nicholas, who’d also done the not dissimilar Chained Heat three years previously. That did have a considerably higher-profile cast, including Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, John Vernon and Henry Silver; here, there’s hardly anyone you’ll know. Michelle’s ex-husband is played by John Terlesky, who was Deathstalker in that sword ‘n’ sorcery franchise, and that’s about it. Still, don’t let that put you off, as everyone here goes about their roles with a degree of commitment, and lack of inhibition, which can only be admired. And frequently is, from a variety of angles.

Make no mistake, this is an eighties film, particularly clear in the costumes and Very Big hair. It’s also a segregated prison. with the black prisoners having their own wing – was that actually the case? They have their own issues, and play a key role in the riot which is the film’s climax. Though they are in sharp need of a Pam Grier or a Tamara Dobson to anchor the characters there. As is, there’s not really anyone who is capable of standing up to the white-hot intensity of Rita when, for example, she forces an inmate who betrayed her to chew down on broken glass. I have to say, the guards in this correctional facility do adopt a very hands-off approach.

The film looks surprisingly good. It was recently released on Blu-Ray, and the colours really pop off the screen, the print looking lovely considering its age. Especially considering it’s not exactly a film that would have been considered worth preserving at the time of its release. With a story that is persistently entertaining, characters that certainly count as larger-than-life, and more than the contractually required amounts of flesh and catfights, this is very much an upper-tier entry in the women-in-prison genre. It might not quite be enough to supplant my all-time favourite, Reform School Girls. But in Rita, it’s definitely got a bad girl capable of standing alongside the characters played by the likes of Meiko Kaji, Reiko Ike and Miki Sugimoto.

Dir: Paul Nicholas
Star: Shari Shattuck, Christina Whitaker, Stacey Shaffer, Nick Benedict

Revenge is Her Middle Name

  By

★★½
“Junkie. Whore. Mother?”

This is an unashamedly grimy item, whose main character, Cat (Brennan), we first meet turning tricks in a back-alley. She then goes home to her equally addicted boyfriend, Dolph (Schneider), whom she is trying to convince to get her pregnant. Eventually, her mission succeeds, and to provide for their impending child, they rob their dealer. Cat then bails on Dolph, leaving him to take the fall, and gets her act at least somewhat cleaned up, with the help of friend Marilynn (Bellin). Eight months later, however, neighbourhood boss Mutton Chop (Bell), shows up on her doorstep with his thugs, and extracts a particularly vicious form of revenge. Seven further years pass, and Cat is just about back to normal, when the violent behaviour of a man she meets in a bar awakens her inner Ms. 45. She’s soon cutting up his corpse with a hacksaw and stuffing it into garbage bags, then progresses to extracting long-dormant vengeance on her attackers.

There’s no doubt, this wears its grindhouse attitude mostly on its sleeve – except for a strange unwillingness on the part of its lead actress, to take off her clothes. There’s no shortage of gore, certainly, and it’s the kind of film after which you’ll probably want to take a shower. It wallows, unapologetically, in the worst that human nature has to offer. However, that’s as much a flaw as a strength. This kind of film works best – indeed, works at all – when you can feel some sympathy for the protagonist as she goes through hell. Here, that’s not the case. Cat is hardly a nice person, and is perhaps the best argument for forced sterilization I’ve seen in a long time: she hardly seems fit to be a mother, and comes over as an entirely selfish creature. Dolph is no more than a sperm-donor, and she spurns all Marilyn’s efforts to help her, until Cat wants them. The person I feel most sorry for, is her foetus.

The look of the film is considerably more low-fi than the poster, though it’s not inappropriate to the generally scuzzy atmosphere. It could probably have benefited from some trimming, as there are points where things do drag. The actual “revenge” which appears in large, red letter on the promo image, doesn’t arrive until well into the second half. I’d likely have started by editing out the pair of detectives, who serve no purpose at all. This is the kind of movie which needs to keep moving forward in order to hold the audience’s attention, as most of the performances are little more than functional, especially among the cartoonish villains. Credit to Brennan though, for going full throttle into her portrayal. By the end of this, if I was still some way short of liking her character, Cat was someone I’d certainly not want to cross. If I have no interest in seeing this again, I don’t feel as if the time was entirely wasted.

Dir: Anthony Matthews
Star: Lissa Brennan, Douglass Bell, Paula Bellin, Michael Todd Schneider

Debt

  By

★★
“In need of repossession.”

This is one of those cases where you can see what a film is trying to do. It just isn’t very good at doing it. In this case, the central character is Gina (Killips), who works as a collector of debts for the mysterious and reclusive “Max”. This is for reasons that become clear towards the end – yet, like a lot else in the film, it doesn’t actually prove to be of much significance. Her latest job involves locating a very large sum of money which went missing from his organization. Suspicion falls on Myles (Orille), and Gina is tasked with finding out whether he was indeed responsible and if so, what he did with the loot. To this end, Gina inserts herself into Myles’s life and comes under increasing pressure from her boss, Simon (Rumley), to get results for Max. But Gina is increasingly disenchanted with her profession, and also increasingly convinced of Myles’s innocence.

What this is aiming at, is depicting a “realistic” portrayal of an enforcer like Gina. This means meaningless chit-chat about whether Gina will or will not be able to make it to a neighbourhood barbecue. Guess what? We. Just. Don’t Care. It’s the kind of thing which could have been put over by a better film-maker in a couple of shots, without the need for characters actually to have a conversation about it. Still, this is what you expect from a man making his first feature, and also choosing not only to direct, but also write and edit the thing as well. Oh, yeah: while also acting as location manager and stunt co-ordinator. That’s spreading yourself perilously thin. Of all those areas, I’d say the editing comes off best, assembled together things in a way that’s coherent and does the most with what Fairman the director has given Fairman the editor.

The rest? Well… not so much. The fights are unimpressive at best, in particular a woeful one where Gina faces a drunk guy behind a bar. This, being the opening demonstration of her talents, should have established her bad-ass credentials. It looks like the result of five minutes of preparation, and even if nothing else is quite as poor, you only get one chance to make a first impression. On the location front, I was amused by the way the fights were very careful staged to avoid property damage; you’d think they could at least have brought their own coffee-table to go through. The script, as noted, tries to do too much, especially at the end, where it attempts a double-twist, but doesn’t stick the landing. The main positive is, I think, Killips. She hits the appropriately world-weary note for the character of Gina, and manages to handle even the chattier scenes in a way which kept them just interesting enough.

Credit is also due to Fairman for getting out there and actually making a feature, especially one with a strong heroine. Hopefully, next time, he’ll get the help he needs to deliver a more polished product.

Dir: Dave Fairman
Star: Ashley Killips, A.J. Orille, Phil Rumley, Eric Hergott

Brides of Satan

  By

★½
“Cool poster though.”

It’s probably significant that the opening credits of the film talk about the bands and the whiskey company involved. Any mention of the actual actresses taking part, is relegated to a secondary sequence, 15 minutes into the film. That seems to indicate where the priorities lie: if you told me the whole thing was made up to get freebies and as a showcase for the director’s mates, I’d have no problem believing you. Another warning sign is the way every post-production visual trick you can imagine is thrown in there; this often indicates an attempt to paper over flaws in other areas. There’s no doubt the film is certainly trying. However, Bizarro simply tries far too hard, and it’s not long before it becomes simply trying on the viewer instead.

It’s the story of Mary (Robinson), who takes her fiance to the Dirty Bird strip-club as a treat, only for both to be kidnapped by a trio of Satanists, led by Sidney Zero (McMunn). They sacrifice him, towards their goal of summoning the a demon and she only barely escapes with her life. Mary is rescued from the side of the road by down-and-out Lenny Lester (Troyer), who has previously had encounters with the same trio. He trains her in the art of violence – both physical and mental – so that she can take revenge on Zero and her crew. It’s a pretty thin storyline, and with precious little depth there, or for any of the characters. This is why we end up watching extraordinarily shitty variety acts in lieu of anything particularly interesting.

It’s told in a series of chapters, another pretentious touch which annoyed me irrationally, far more than it should. But it’s only in the final chapter, which starts about three minutes before the end credits roll, that the promised revenge particularly shows up. Prior to that, Mary gets to test-drive her skills on a gang of street punks loosely affiliated with Sidney… and that’s about it. Instead, there’s a lot of sitting about, chatting, flashbacks, and the previously mentioned dreadful “alternative” entertainment. Indeed, much of this reeks of the side of alternative culture which is all “Look at meeee!”, in lieu of significant talent.

Even the sleaze is curiously front-loaded, with an opening sequence which drives home the grindhouse philosophy for which Bizarro is apparently aiming… before then all but forgetting it for the rest of the movie. When the demon does eventually show up, it is disposed of with such ease, it feels as if the makers realized they didn’t have the resources to deliver much more than a Halloween mask, and decided to write the whole thing off as quickly as possible. They should likely have extended that realization to the rest of the movie, as outside of a semi-decent performance from Troyer, this has nothing much to offer past an admirably punk attitude. It deserves an A for effort, and an F in just about every other area.

Dir: Joe Bizarro
Star: Mindy Robinson, Malice McMunn, John Troyer, Joanna Angel

The New Prometheus, by Andrew Dobell

  By

Literary rating: ★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆½

The setting is a dystopian version of London, which has become separated into two distinct halves, and classes of residents. It’s a world in which cybernetic enhancements are common. But they come at the cost of a debt – sometimes, virtual enslavement – to the powerful corporations who supply and maintain them. Frankie has resisted these, preferring to retain her humanity, and journeys into the dangerous undercity, to help those less fortunate. But on one such trip, she’s shot and left for dead. Rescued by the renegade Doctor Xenox, she wakes to find herself in a new, artificial and highly-powered body. She’s not too happy about it. Things get worse, for the doctor’s erstwhile corporate employers,  Psytech, consider Frankie v2.0 as their property, and will stop at nothing to get her under control. As a result, with the help of the Doctor, and cop Gibson, she has to fend off the assembled forces of Psytech.

From the title and the lead character’s name, I was expecting more of a Frankenstein theme, but that appears mostly a surface patina. A bigger influence – and this is openly acknowledged in the blurb – would be the likes of Battle Angel Alita, with its young heroine seeking her own identity and self-determination, after having the “benefits” of technology imposed on her. Though the adjustment to her new form is super easy – barely an inconvenience – to the point that I’d be leaving a five-star review on Amazon for the cybernetic implants, and maybe even signing up for that extended warranty. Indeed, there’s disappointingly little internal conflict at all, and that’s where it differs from the various cyberpunk heroines cited as inspiration. Towards the end, there’s a sequence where Psytech hacks its own customers, turning them into meat puppets they can use against Frankie and her allies. Having something like this attempted against her would have helped negate the strong sense she’s over-powered. She largely breezes through her various conflicts, with little if any credible sense of threat to her.

Against this, the world building is pretty good – though, again, the separation into over- and under-class bears more than a slight resemblance to Alita. The concept of “Neo-London”, however, is a nice riff on Akira‘s post-nuclear Neo-Tokyo. I’d liked to have heard more about how it operated, and exactly how the corporations became so seemingly all-powerful. Maybe some more British flavour, too? Although, on the other hand, the ability of one young woman to stand against and defeat everything they throw at her does defuse Psytech’s omnipotence. It does escalate nicely, to a grandstand and action-packed finale after Psytech take over Gibson’s police station. and Dobell does a good job of balancing the need to wrap things up, with opening the door to further volumes. If there’s not an enormous amount new here, and little depth either (it’s not exactly Ghost in the Shell), it’s still well-enough executed to be an adequately entertaining read.

Author: Andrew Dobell
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
1 of 4 in the New Prometheus series.

Brutal

  By

★★★
“Certainly lives up to its title.”

No-one does low-budget hyperviolence like the Japanese. Whether it’s pseudo-snuff like Guinea Pig: Flower of Flesh and Blood, or more fantastical entries such as Mutant Girls Squad, there have likely been more memorable entries from that country than any other. Note my use of the word “memorable”, as distinct from “good”, since they aren’t the same. I’d be hard pushed to recommend this to anyone, unless I knew they were predisposed to microbudget horror of a particularly savage type. I probably won’t ever watch it again. But I have to say this: I will remember it. As will Chris, who came in for the denouement, and was literally jaw-dropped by what she saw. I’m not going to spoil it, so apologies if some of what follows is a little vague.

The film is divided into three sections, and after the first one, called “Man”, you’ll be wondering what the hell it’s doing here. For it is a look at the work of a male serial killer (Butch), who kidnaps and tortures women. That’s basically it, for twenty minutes, and the director believes in getting as up close and personal as possible here, with many of the shots being literally “in the face” of either perpetrator or victim. This certainly enhances the claustrophobic intensity, though I could have done without the shaky-cam attempt to establish its cinema verite credentials. “Do you understand what I’m doing?” he demands of his prisoners. Sadly, the correct answer of “No, because you’re a loony” is never given.

Things get more interesting and relevant in the second section, “Woman”, where the roles are reversed. An unnamed woman (Ayano) honey-traps men back to her room, where she kills them. She has a particular fondness for repeated and enthusiastic stabbings in the crotch, which had me shifting uncomfortably on my chair. She’s also rather more psychologically inclined, conversing with her victims, rather than interrogating them. Though eventually, she brings home someone (Nishina) who is aware of her murderous intentions, and is intent on stopping her. The result is a bloody battle – again, shot in close-up – which swings one way then the other, before our “heroine” [quotes rarely used more advisedly] eventually prevails.

This sets up the third and final act, probably inevitably titled “Man and Woman”, in which the two killers cross paths. She follows him to his flat, apparently aware of his tendencies – how is never made clear. Barely have they crossed the doorstep before battle is joined. And if you thought the previous fight was vicious… Hoo-boy. This ends in a double-whammy of revelations, which make sense in one way – they’re clearly perfect for each other – but count among the more batshit crazy things I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some things. While it is somewhat poignant, we know so little about any of the people involved (how could we learn much, given it’s barely an hour between opening and closing credits), the emotional impact is limited. Brutal though? Definitely.

Dir: Takashi Hirose
Star: Butch, Ayano, Takashi Nishina, Katrina Grey

Nicole

  By

★★★½
“Patience is a virtue.”

If you came into this with absolutely no previous knowledge (including the poster on the right!), you’d be forgiven if you spent the first forty minutes thinking this was an independent drama about the perils of professional dating life in the big city. Then, suddenly, it’s very not. But initially, it’s about Nicole (Shannon), who while she may be a little strange and anti-social, doesn’t seem all that far outside the bounds of normal behaviour. Well, I guess her carting a bottle of hard liquor to work, for drinking sessions in the bathroom, is somewhat problematic. Maybe her imagining dinner with her parents could be a bit of a red flag. [The film makes nice use of switching between b&w and colour, to separate reality from flashbacks and fantasy] But, all told, she’s fairly high-functioning.

That all changes when she goes out on a rare date with John (Green), whom she met through an online app. She’s simultaneously fending off advances from a co-worker (Busey) and neighbour (Lockhart) – it must be said, all the men here fall somewhere on the creepy/predatory spectrum. What we know, but Nicole initially does not, is that John is well toward the latter, with a fondness for date rape and every intention of adding Nicole to his list of dubious conquests. However, her day drinking has given her a remarkable tolerance for alcohol, so when he makes his move, she’s not as drunk as she should be, and fights back, with no shortage of vigour. As well as a knife. That’s where the tone of the film changes drastically. We’re not in Sex and the City any more, Toto.

The rest is considerably closer to pitch-black humour, as Nicole has to come to terms with the consequences of her actions. Realizing what John was intending, she decides simply to dispose of his body. This requires a late-night trip to the hardware store, where the Goth assistant nods approvingly at her selection of tools. Then there’s the actual dismemberment, not helped by John’s corpse continuing to talk to her throughout the process. For example, he requests a refill on his wine, only to realize it’s hard to drink since she’s removed his hands.

This disposal reminded me a little of A Good Woman is Hard to Find, though that was thoroughly serious. There are also elements of Ms. 45. in a blurring of the lines between reality and delusion, which are deftly handled. Regular readers won’t be surprised to learn I preferred this second half of the film. I was actually a bit disappointed things ended when they did, more or less with Nicole’s return to work, and in a maybe or maybe not more well-adjusted state. It felt there was mileage left on the table, with her further adventures as an IT worker, moonlighting as a killer of sexual predators. We can only hope for Nicole 2: Ax Me Anything at some point down the road.

Dir: James Schroeder
Star: Tamika Shannon, Stephen Green, Ke’Shawn Bussey, Tre Lockhart