★★★½
“French fries.”
If a Western made by Italians is a spaghetti Western, what should we call one created by the French? An escargot Western? I’ll tell you what I call this: a surprising amount of fun. It’s sexy, funny, honours the genre while poking fun at its tropes, and gives us not one, but two spectacular heroines, rarely matched since. Only a shortage of action prevents this from getting a seal of approval. As a film on its own merits, it’s one I would still definitely recommend. It takes place in 1888 Texas, specifically the town of Bougival Junction, established by French immigrants, which explains the dominant language. Though as the town sign says, “English spoken if necessary.”
The only native speaker of that language is the town sheriff (Pollard). He keeps losing his horse, and tries to speak an adorably butchered French to Marie Sarrazin (Cardinale), who runs the town with her four brothers. Meanwhile, a gang of outlaws is robbing trains in the area – nobody realizes that they are all women, daughters of the hanged criminal, Frenchie King, under their leader, Louise (Bardot). The Kings steal a map indicating oil has been found on the Little P Ranch, and look to take it over while the actual owner, wannabe oil baron Dr. Miller (Czarniak) is recovering from injuries suffered in the robbery. But the Sarazins are also interested in the land, setting up a feud between Marie and Louise – until Dr. Miller shows up, anyway, representing a common enemy.
So, who do you prefer? Bardot or Cardinale? I haven’t been faced with such a difficult seventies-related decision, since having to choose which member of ABBA I preferred. Here, I was leaning #TeamCardinale. But then, Bardot and her clan showed up, clad in black. It’s a very credible argument. This is truly a film for the male gaze, whether it’s the King sisters skinny-dipping, or Marie stripping down to her lingerie for a musical number. And why not. Yet the film always depicts them as smart, courageous and taking absolutely no crap from anyone. Least of all each other, leading to a surprisingly lengthy brawl between them, which ends only when both are simply too exhausted to go on.
Shame there wasn’t more of this, and there’s a lovely joke where the pair’s manservants – one black, one Indian – quietly wager on the outcome. There’s an earlier scene where the Kings are cheating at saloon poker, which seems tailor-made for a bar-room brawl. Only it skips disappointingly to the aftermath. Similarly, both women are set up as being very proficient with firearms, except this skill never plays a significant role. Though I was highly amused by Louise terrorizing the naked Sarrazin brothers with a shotgun, after catching them with her sisters. Not to be taken in the slightest bit seriously, this is a lovely bit of frothy entertainment, featuring two of the decade’s titans of European babedom.
Dir: Christian-Jaque
Star: Brigitte Bardot, Claudia Cardinale, Michael J. Pollard, Henri Czarniak
a.k.a. Les Pétroleuses


Alma Siracine (Vacth) was a black ops agent for the French government, until an assignment in Syria went pear-shaped, and she resigned her position. Seven years later, she’s living quietly with her policeman husband in Morocco, until he’s the victim of a drive-by shooting. She finds the attackers and terminates them. Unfortunately, they are the sons of local arms dealer Manour Khoury (Dazi). Not helping, he is under the protection of the French government, being allowed to operate in exchange for funneling information to them about terrorist attacks. Spymaster Joanna Walter (Bercot) decides Alma is a loose end in need of tidying. Alma, naturally, is of a different opinion, and won’t be easy to clean up.
★½
At the beginning of this, I wondered if I was watching a Godzilla film. Because it opens with atomic bomb footage, depicting French test in the Pacific. We know what this leads to: gigantic lizards with fiery bre… Oh, hang on: it’s actually a group of women, looking for a place reputed to have particularly gnarly (if my knowledge of beach-speak doesn’t fail me, and it probably does) waves. There are three surfers, plus photographer Sarah (Galloy), who has been out of the game since an accident which wrecked her confidence. The island they find isn’t on any map, so it must be good, and not a death-trap waiting to happen to them. Right?
The title above is the one by which it appeared on Tubi, though everywhere else calls it Aggression. I guess both are appropriate, in different ways. Neither shed a great deal of light on proceedings here. Then again, you could argue, the film itself is largely deficient in the area of enlightenment too. It takes place in rural France, where Sarah (Nicklin) has been reunited with her sister Marie (Duchez), after twelve years living in England. The circumstances are not happy, the visit being the result of their father’s death. However, there appears to be a dark past surrounding the circumstances of Sarah’s departure. Meanwhile, Marie is mute, although this does not play into the scenario which unfolds.
To some extent, Sonia (Arnezeder) is the very antithesis of an action heroine here. For she spends the vast bulk of the ninety minute running-time, sitting in the driver’s seat of her car. Admittedly, this is for good reason, because somebody has wired an anti-tank mine into the car’s circuitry, in a number of diabolical ways. There’s a countdown timer, anti-tamper device and it’s also liable to be triggered if the weight in the car drops below a certain amount. Making matters worse, her two kids are in the back. The reason is because of her work in bomb disposal, part of a charity that disarms mines in the Ukraine, a task which has made her certain enemies.
★★½
I like to think I am not an idiot. I can assemble words into a coherent order, perform fairly complex mental arithmetic with reasonable accuracy, and recently connected a printer to my wife’s computer on the first attempt. So, when I tell you I did not understand this film… I really did not understand this film. I’ve seen movies before, where I may be unclear on some points. But I could still provide a reasonably detailed synopsis. Here? I am utterly at sea, beyond the most basic level, to the point I’m wondering how the heck I will be able to reach my standard five hundred words. How many can I spend describing my bemusement?
I guess the title is trying to riff off Gang’s of New York, though this is set significantly later. It begins in 1884, when the Apache gang run the Parisian underworld. Young orphans Billie, Paulie and Tricky are on the fringes, until Tricky is killed when forced to play Russian roulette by the gang’s leader, Jésus (Schneider). Billie is framed for the death by a corrupt cop, and spends fifteen years in jail. When she gets out, now a grown woman, Billie (Isaaz) seeks revenge on all those responsible for Tricky’s death, infiltrating the Apaches to get close to Jésus. Matters are complicated, by the presence in the gang of Paulie (Paradot), who was brought up by Jésus, and also by the seductive nature on her of the Apache lifestyle.
Not to be mixed up with