★★★
“In space, no-one can hear you copying.”
This very low-fi space-opera comedy is little more than a hodge-podge of elements pulled from various SF of the past sixty years. You can almost tick them off: Barbarella, 2001, Star Wars. But, if I had to pick the major influences, it’d be Red Dwarf, and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. There are points where it’s not exactly subtle about it either. At one point, the heroine’s robot sidekick tells her, “The hours are good. I mean, the actual minutes themselves are pretty lousy.” It’s painfully close to plagiarizing a Vogon Guard line from Hitchhiker’s: “The hours are good… But now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.” Seconds later, we get a “Sector 009 Plural Z Alpha” reference too.
Red Dwarf can be invoked due to the heroine, Mack (Fortuna), who is almost the lowest of the low on board the Space Navy craft: a Senior Sanitation Technician, whose main job is cleaning toilets. Except, through a serious of unfortunate events, she becomes the keeper of the titular gem, embedded in her forehead, making her the hottest property in the universe. The evil Andromeda Hex (Swiburne) wants it, and the power the jewel possesses. Space Pirate Rom (Brotz) is the first to get her hands on Mack and the aforementioned sidekick, Spanners (Brotz). But despite the bounty, Rom decides to help Mack figure out her situation. And so begins a galaxy-spanning odyssey, before an ending which… probably makes as much as sense as 2001.
Yet, despite losing points for shameless theft, I enjoyed the reckless stupidity at its heart. Mack is a very sympathetic heroine, who grows into her role as the saviour of the universe, while Andromeda makes for a fine, scenery-chewing villainess, and Rom is, effectively, a bisexual version of Han Solo. Being of Australian origin, it is naturally fairly down-to-earth, shall we say. Those offended by the use of terms such as “space cunts” should probably stay away. This is also not a high-budget production. Though there are times where the effects are either a) surprisingly decent, or b) cheap in an amusing way, such as the way the screen for the spaceship’s defense systems look like an 8-bit video game system.
It is at its best when doing its own think, rather than aping genre classics. The way in which Mack disposes of Andromeda’s ship is almost brilliant. Though as Spanner deadpans later, “You have a tendency to express things using toilet analogies. I’m fearful it might be symptomatic of a fetish at this point.” The ending, as noted, feels either like they ran out of money, or everyone just got bored with the whole endeavour. Either is plausible. But I ain’t gonna lie: I was more entertained by this than the bloated monstrosity of Dune, at likely a thousand times the budget, and seventy-five minutes longer. Though being a big fan of both Dwarf and Hitchhiker’s certainly helped.
Dir: Daniel Armstrong
Star: Rebecca Fortuna, Whitney Duff, Mitchell Brotz, Danae Swinburne


Not to be confused with the other
To some extent, Sonia (Arnezeder) is the very antithesis of an action heroine here. For she spends the vast bulk of the ninety minute running-time, sitting in the driver’s seat of her car. Admittedly, this is for good reason, because somebody has wired an anti-tank mine into the car’s circuitry, in a number of diabolical ways. There’s a countdown timer, anti-tamper device and it’s also liable to be triggered if the weight in the car drops below a certain amount. Making matters worse, her two kids are in the back. The reason is because of her work in bomb disposal, part of a charity that disarms mines in the Ukraine, a task which has made her certain enemies.
With its combination of alternate reality sci-fi and stylized action, this feels like it could have come from the mind of Mamoru Oshii, creator of things such as
After the pleasant surprise which was
★★½
Cross another country off the map: Guatemala, in this case. I should probably start by explaining the title. The “cadejo” is a dog-like spirit from local folklore, which comes in two varieties. The black (negro) one is malicious, appearing to and trying to kill travellers, while the white (blanco) is benevolent. According to Wikipedia, it “protects people, including drunks, vagabonds, and people with grudges from all evil. Emphasis added, because now and again in this, there appears to be one watching over the grudgeful heroine here, Sarita (K. Martínez). She is on the hunt for her sister, Bea (P. Martínez – maybe they’re real sisters?), who vanishes one night, after the siblings have an argument at a local nightclub.
This rather gloomy slice of social science-fiction seems to take place in a post-apocalyptic version of Canada, albeit a fairly low-key apocalypse. It seems to have led to a rigidly class-based system, with a sharp division between “citizens” and the rest. That leaves the indigenous population on the outside, scrabbling hard to survive and avoid having their kids “re-educated” in military-style academies. [This pointedly echoes
If you fed an AI all the sports movies ever made, and then asked it to write a script, what you’d get is likely something close to this. Here’s a challenge: write down ten clichés you find in a film like this, then watch the movie (conveniently embedded below), and see how many show up. I’m willing to bet most of those on your list would be present here. The main saving grace is that the execution is done with a complete lack of self-awareness. It feels as if the writers genuinely had no clue they were treading a path which was more of a groove. Everyone involved in this is so earnest, it just about gets away with it.
This animated series bears a certain resemblance to another Japanese show on Netflix, the live-action Alice in Borderland. Both are adaptations of Japanese manga series (Alice started three years earlier), which see a number of young people suddenly transported to a lethal and sparsely populated version of their city. There, they have to figure out how to survive, and what the heck is going on, in the face of enemies human and… well, not-so human. Both shows also manage to reach the end of their first series without achieving even the slightest degree of significant resolution, though the journey to reach that point is still reasonably entertaining, and certainly does not stint on the old ultra-violence.