Category: Review

Russia Girl by Kenneth Rosenberg

  By

Literary rating: ★★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆

Natalia Nicolaeva in a 19-year-old, living with her parents on a farm in Transnistria, which I imagine most people would be hard-pushed to find on a map. Per Wikipedia, “it is a breakaway de facto state in a narrow strip of land between the river Dniester and the Ukrainian border that is internationally recognized as part of Moldova.” Now you know. She lets her friend, Sonia, convince her into taking up a job offer overseas which – probably inevitably – turns out to be the gateway to them becoming the victims of sex traffickers, imprisoned in a Turkish brothel. Natalia manages to escape, though pays a heavy price, and the man in charge of the gang, Goran Zigic, has not forgotten her either.

When his revenge reaches back across the continent to Transnistria, Natalia has to defend her family. Fortunately, she has an ally in Gregor Multinovic, a shady individual who has taken up residence locally, and about whom any number of whispered rumours circulate. He knows of Zigic, and helps prepare Natalia for what she needs to do, as she takes the fight to her enemy. This is likely a necessary angle, in order to establish an ordinary farm girl as a plausible opponent to the Serbian mafia, and I felt Rosenberg handled this very well, without letting Gregor take over for his heroine. It does still require a bit of suspension of disbelief in some elements, e.g. Zigic not bother to hide or beef up security at his home after Natalia’s first attempt. But it’s no more of a problem than you’ll find in many films.

It does take quite a while to get to that point. The first third is concerned with her initial capture, abuse and eventual escape. It all seems almost scarily plausible; by and large, it likely reflects the sad fate of many Eastern European women every year. The middle portion covers the return to her village, training under her mentor (though this is largely skipped), and subsequent return to Istanbul. Again, however, considering this is intended to be an origin story, that’s fine, and the eventual payoff is solid and acceptable. While the first in a series, it wraps up neatly without a cliffhanger or loose ends, which is always nice.

In terms of its setting, I was reminded a little of how Killing Eve‘s Villanelle came to be, though it’s clear that Natalia does not have anything like the same psychopathic streak. There is something of the same sense of a butterfly emerging from a caterpillar, in Natalia’s transformation through the hand of fate, from someone whose life is the epitome of peace and quiet. By the time we reach the end, it’s clear that has gone forever, and it’s that sweeping character arc, along which the reader travels with her, that is perhaps this book’s most outstanding feature.

Author: Kenneth Rosenberg
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
Book 1 of 3 in the Natalia Nicolaeva Thriller series

Jesse

  By

★★½
“Second time around.”

Jesse (Finochio) is a Long Island cop on the edgeTM. Since losing custody of her kids, she has gone into a downward spiral of drinking, casual relationships and taking her anger out on any perps unfortunate enough to cross her path. She has driven her captain (Vario) to the edge of distraction, and is perpetually feuding with her mother and brother. The latter dies in a road accident – only his foot is found! – but when Jesse and Mom go to cash in his life insurance policy, they get a shock. The beneficiary has been changed to be Ralph Sirna (Trentacosta), a notorious local gangster. Suddenly, the accident seems rather less accidental, and nothing – not her boss nor Sirna’s “godfather”, Vince (Forsythe) – will be able to stop her.

If this plot sounds familiar, it’s because this is a remake of the director’s 2001 film, Marie, which we reviewed in November. With regard to the remake, we concluded “Maybe they did better second time around? I’m not inclined to bet on it.” However, while still suffering from obvious flaws, this actually is a palpable improvement. The main reason is the actress playing the heroine. Finochio is better knows as “Trinity,” under which name she wrestled for both the WWE and TNA, and has the necessary physical presence missing in her predecessor. There’s definitely the sense of barely-controlled rage that’s essential for the character, and when she’s barnstorming around, like a mascara’d bull in a china shop, the film proves quite watchable.

The main problem is, in the middle it feels like Carpenter suddenly decided he actually wanted to make Goodfellas instead, with the focus switching to Ralph, and his machinations as he seeks to replace Vince at the top of the organization. It’s not terrible, even if it feels like much of the dialogue was made up on the spot, which is (as is typically the case) a bit of a mixed blessing. It just feels like a pale impression of Martin Scorsese, and it doesn’t stand the comparison. There are also a couple of stunt cameos from obvious “send me the check” actors. Forsythe is less the problem there, even if he could perform this role in his sleep, than Armand Assante, in his one scene as an Internal Affairs officer, or Eric Roberts in two as a barman.

Having seem Marie, there are absolutely no surprises to be had here, least of the all the big one in the final act. I think the best which can be said, is at least there’s an interesting film here, trying to get out – that couldn’t be said for the original. For instance. the script could have given Jesse more of an arc, finishing off with her regaining custody of her children. That’s an event which happens in the middle, as so consequently feels thrown away, rather than the triumphant redemption it could have become. Maybe Carpenter will take another stab at the story: we’re about due, with it being ten further years since this remake came out.

Dir: Fred Carpenter
Star: Stephanie Finochio, Anthony Trentacosta, Paul Vario. William Forsythe

Mardock Scramble

  By

★½
“Scrambled: adj. a jumbled mess”

Originally a series of three novels by Tow Ubukata, then a manga series published from 2009-12, I can only presume that something was lost in the translation to these three short (~65 minutes each) movies. Actually, make that just about everything. For after a promising first entry, I can’t think of a franchise that fell so completely off the rails. Okay, maybe The Matrix, with which this shares similar problems: taking itself far too seriously, and diverting into social commentary for which no-one was asking. I gave serious consideration to bailing and make this a rare “Did not finish,” which I’d not even bother writing about. But perhaps if my experience can serve as a warning to others, the tedium will not have been experienced in vain.

It’s the story of teenage prostitute Rune Balot (Hayashibara), whom her pimp Shell Septinous (Nakai( tries to dispose of after she becomes too much of a liability. Near-dead, she is rescued by the mysterious Dr. Easter, who transforms her into a powerful cyborg, under the provisions of the murky “Mardock Scramble 09” protocol, which allows for extreme measures to be taken in pursuit of the preservation of life. Accompanied by a multi-dimensional entity named Oeufcoque (Yashina), which takes the form of a mouse (!) that can transform into any object. She’s unleashed to track down the evidence necessary to convict Shell of murder, but has to deal with Oeufcoque’s former owner. Dinsdale Boiled (Isobe) – really, who comes up with these names? He underwent the Mardock Scramble process as well, except went more than a little bit mad as a result.

The first movie is not bad at all, and ends with Rune at the mercy of Boiled and Oeufcoque disabled, after a vicious battle. I rushed off to immediately find the second and third films. A fatal mistake. I should have guessed from the “with one bound, she was free” resolution to the cliff-hanger. For rather than the same blend of cyberpunky action, in the vein of Ghost in the Shell, vast swathes of the second and third film are spent watching Rune play blackjack and roulette. No, seriously. Apparently the proof of Shell’s crimes was encoded on four million-dollar casino chips, and these can only be obtained by accumulating wealth at the gambling tables. Very. Slowly. And with far too much explanation. If I didn’t know better – and, to be honest, I really don’t – I”d think they blew all their animation budget on part one, so had to cut back severely for parts two and three.

Even the bits between the gambling sessions are borderline ludicrous, like the wonderland where cyborg Tweedledum is in a gay relationship with Tweedledee. Who is an enhanced dolphin. Tack on a whole bunch of psychobabble about the nature of things, and yeah – my Matrix mention above begins to look increasingly relevant. The whole saga feels as if the creators simply vomited out ideas onto the page, then turned that over, in lieu of a completed script.

Dir: Susumu Kudo 
Star (voice): Megumi Hayashibara, Norito Yashima, Tsutomu Isobe, Kazuya Nakai

Six Hot Chicks in a Warehouse

  By

★★
“#TechnicallyTheTruth”

There are indeed, six reasonably attractive ladies here, and they do indeed spend most of the film in a warehouse. Can’t argue about that. The problems, unfortunately, are numerous, and start with the fact that 6HCiaW is not, in itself, a concept sufficient to sustain a feature. The half-dozen women in question are models, hired by moderately creepy photographer Adrian (Malam), for what he announces will be his final photoshoot before retiring. Which is a bit odd, since he looks no older than thirty. Whatevs. Unfortunately, after he overhears the models making fun of him, Ade goes a bit loopy – a situation not helped by the steroid-like substance “Pump ‘n’ Gro'” which he has been ingesting. So he locks the models up in cages, injects them with the same stuff, and makes them fight each other inside an electrified cage. As you do.

It’s a concept with appeal, especially for this site, and more or less as soon as I saw the cover, this went right into our “pending” pile. However, there was still caution. I’ve been burned on multiple occasions by films with great titles which fail to live up them. For every one that does, e.g. Hobo With a Shotgun, there are ten Assault of the Killer Bimbos. This, sadly, falls much closer to the latter, not least because it takes for-freakin’-ever to get to the stuff we want to see. We’re half way through the movie before anything of action substance happens, save for lead model Mira (Messenger) getting accosted on the way to the shoot. To get to that point, you have to sit through not one, but two interminable sequences of Adrian taking photos. Maybe when I was 12, that slice of cheesecake might have been of interest. But now, even 12-year-olds have Internet access, and this can only be called weak sauce, and tedious padding.

When the fights eventually break out… Well, credit editor Justin Black for doing the heavy lifting, because it’s largely only through his talents that the action has any significant impact. Messenger and her tattoos kinda look the part, and veteran model Ana (Crossen) has an attitude which passes muster. But I’d be hard pushed to say any of the actresses here had actual combat experience or skills. It’s much the same problem which sank Kiss Kiss, and is where Raze worked so well. If you’re going to focus so much of your film’s energy and running-time on hand-to-hand battles, you had better make damn sure those involved can deliver. Here, they really can’t, and outside of one rather nice impalement, there isn’t enough gore or nudity to justify your interest on a purely exploitational level. There certainly isn’t the plethora of guns depicted on the cover. I think there might be one. And it shoots someone only by accident. [Hey, it’s British. We don’t do firearms.] There is, however, a cricket-bat, in what I’d like to think was a loving nod to Shaun of the Dead…

Dir: Simon Edwards
Star: Jessica Messenger, Oliver Malam, Sabine Crossen, Jade Wallis

Gripped: Climbing the Killer Pillar

  By

★★★
“Climb every mountain…”

Newbie climber Rose (Maddox) is on her first trip to do some “real” climbing, rather than on a rock wall at her local gym. There, she meets and falls for the insanely rugged good-looking Bret (Lyman, who appears to have strayed right off the cover of a romance novel entitled “Love in the Surf”). After a couple of successfully, but relatively simple climbs, the pair head to take on something more challenging: the infamous “Killer pillar” of the title. Half-way up, a hand-hold used by Bret breaks, sending him tumbling down the cliff-face. Though the rope stops the fall from being fatal, he suffers a torn shoulder and head injury, leaving him unable to lead, and unable to descend. As the poster tagline says, “The only way down is up.” So, it falls on Rose, despite her lack of experience, to take over and forge a route up the near-sheer escarpment, that Bret will be able to navigate in her wake.

The mountaineering stuff here is excellent, and it seems that everyone involved was doing their own climbing. While for much of the time, I suspect they probably weren’t too far off the ground, there are a few shots that should come with a trigger warning for vertigo sufferers. Particular kudos to cinematographer John Garrett, who captures the stunning landscapes of the Sierra Nevada mountains in California – and, I suspect, did his share of climbing to get some of the angles. It just feels like legitimate climbing, in contrast to the Hollywood stuff seen in movies such as Cliffhanger. I note the presence in the supporting cast of notable real climbers, such as Jacki Florine, who in 2006 became the first woman to climb fourteen 14,000-foot peaks in California in 10 days. Another mountaineer, Natalie Duran, whom we recognized from her appearances on American Ninja Warrior, also has a supporting role as a jealous fellow climber.

The main problem is that the dramatic aspects don’t kick in until after the 50-minute mark, and it borders on the tedious to that point. Lovely scenery can only take you so far, when the romantic relationship at the movie’s heart is thoroughly unconvincing. We don’t need to see the banal process of them getting together, or the development of their interactions. This could, and probably should, have saved time by being an existing couple; Rose could still have been a novice climber, making her debut in the big outdoors. That would even have added a personal motivation to her heroics, rather than it being to save some hunk she met two days ago. Whatevs. They made the movie they wanted too, and it’s not on me to list ways to potential improve it! I’d say you can pay attention here when they clip on their gear, and safely ignore just about everything else.

Dir: Benjamin Galland
Star: Amanda Maddox, Kaiwi Lyman, Megan Hensley, Bryce Wissel

68 Kill

  By

★★★½
“Reverse sexism?”

Is it possible for an action heroine film to still be chauvinist? While that criticism was frequently levelled at Sucker Punch, this is probably the closest I’ve seen to that apparent paradox. For the concept here is that the undeniably strong trio of women depicted here, use that strength largely to manipulate and take advantage of the “hero”, septic tank operative Chip (Gubler). First is his current girlfriend, the hyper-violent Liza (McCord) who, when not abusing Chip both physically and verbally, works as an escort. She comes up with the idea of robbing one of her clients of $68,000 in cash she knows is in his house, and drags Chip along. They get the money, but leave two bodies behind, and pick up Violet (Boe) at the scene of the crime.

Appalled by the murders, Chip bails with the money and Violet in the trunk of the car. However, it’s not long before she has talked her way into the passenger’s seat. It’s then they encounter Monica (Vand), a gas-station clerk who realizes what’s going on and puts into action a plan to rob the pair of their ill-gotten gains. Liza is also in hot pursuit, both of the loot and her boyfriend, along with her psychopathic brother, to whom she intended to sell Violet for his amusement. If there’s a philosophy here, it’s expressed in crude terms, by Chip’s workmate: “Pussy used in the wrong way will fuck a man up.” This film is largely a 95-minute illustration of “the wrong way”, and how it fucks Chip up.

Despite a cynical, almost red-pilled attitude, I still enjoyed this for the most part. It’s brutal, foul-mouthed, and doesn’t feel any need to apologize for being either [though in comparison, it’s surprisingly chaste as far as nudity goes, with even its sex scenes shot decorously]. All the characters have an over-the-top excess which works in the context of the film. McCord in particular plays as a complete loose cannon, who might kiss you, kill you, or both, in the space of any given conversation with her. The same goes for Monica, though any sugar to be found there is at the “may contain traces of…” level. If there’s a sympathetic character to be found here, it’s likely Violet – though I was never sure how entirely I could believe what she said.

Chip, meanwhile, spends 95% of the film being the patsy to the three women, as his life, remarkably, manages to get considerably worse than dealing with raw sewage for a living. Probably inevitably, the worm turns, in a bloody trailer-park finale, and a fitting ending indicates that Chip may at least have learned a valuable life lesson from the mayhem. Getting there requires him to interact with a trio who could have strayed in from a remake of Faster Pussycat. Even if they are not the central characters, this is undeniably a enjoyable slice of grindhouse fun which fits in well here, and can only be appreciated as such.

Dir: Trent Haaga
Star: Matthew Gray Gubler, AnnaLynne McCord, Alisha Boe, Sheila Vand

Aesop by Michele Packard

  By

Literary rating: ★½
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆½

Matti Baker has always been… unusual. She was adopted as a child, and subsequently discovered her mother was an FBI special agent who died while giving birth to Matti on a mission. She breezed through high school, and after graduation, began training to become a contractor for a private agency, carrying out “special” tasks, under the (rather vague, and entirely deniable) auspices of the US government. On successful completion of the four-year course, Matti begins missions, such as neutralizing terrorists. She also meets Tom, who becomes her husband and they have three kids – triplets born on September 11, 2001. But, in 2015, the tables are turned, and Matti becomes the target for some highly-motivated and thoroughly unpleasant enemies, who are seeking vials in her possession, and won’t take “No” for an answer.

This is definitely a slog. The vials, for example, are mentioned early on, as having been passed down to Matti by her mother. Yet they are then entirely forgotten for a good twenty-five years. Then, two-thirds of the way into the book, she’s captured and immediately interrogated about their whereabouts. I had, literally, completely forgotten about them by that point, since they were barely mentioned. “We can get to the vials in a sec,” it says on page six. Doesn’t happen. We never do discover what they’re supposed to contain, what their importance is, or why an FBI special agent thought it would be a good idea to bequeath them to her ten-year-old daughter. Given their position at the heart of much of the plot, this seems unforgivable.

The style is equally clunky. It relies heavily on a long series of pop-culture references to music, movies and TV shows. In the course of less than half a page, we get all of the following:

  • I swear I felt like he was thinking about that Nine Inch Nails Closer song as he stared at me.
  • I felt like Olivia Pope in Scandal.
  • Just like in The Italian Job, we had orchestrated every little detail.

These get shoehorned in there, because… Actually, I’m not sure why: we’re not talking obscurist entities that will prove the author’s street-cred. I speak here, as someone who likes Nine Inch Nails. Other sections obsess over interior decor in a way that feels more like house porn. Then again, everything in Matti’s life, for her husband and children through to her pair of impeccably-trained attack dogs, are utterly perfect in every aspect. Why should her living quarters be any different?

The characterizations here, in particular the heroine, all really come over as little more than wish-fulfillment, with a leading lady who appears to possess no weaknesses, flaws or faults – in other words, anything which might make her interesting. The term “Mary Sue” gets bandied about quite a lot with regard to action heroines; probably a little too frequently. However, this may be one of the cases where it deserves to be applied.

Author: Michele Packard
Publisher: Independently published, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
1 of 3 in the Aesop series.

Akame ga kill

  By

★★★
“Game of Thrones meets Japanese anime humour”

“Akame ga kill” can be translated as “Akame kills by slashing” and yes, she and her comrades do that and much more! Though, strangely enough Akame is not really the main character of the series, but young teen boy Tatsumi. Honestly, I wonder why the title character is not at the center of a show. But who cares as long as the show is good? And there is certainly no shortage of action heroines to be found therein.

Let’s start with the plot of this fantasy anime series from 2014. Young Tatsumi (Saitô) comes into the capital of the Empire. Hoping to work his way up the  ranks in the army, and send earnings back to his poor village, he’s quickly disillusioned when he’s tricked out of his money. A wealthy girl and her family offers him shelter, but in the night the infamous rebel group “Night Raid” attacks and kills all of the inhabitants of the house. They give Tatsumi a choice: join them, or die! Tatsumi is hesitant, until they show him that the two friends with whom he started out from his village, were tortured and slain by rich perverts for pleasure.

The truth of the country is then revealed. The young king is manipulated by an evil advisor, and the government is corrupt and consists of a rich elite who exploit the poor by taxes or by torturing them. Night Raid is a group of people, mostly unknown to the authorities, who want to overthrow the government. The advantage the group have is possession of so-called “Imperial Arms”, magical weapons that can do wonders. Each has its own special ability, and can typically be used only by a carrier to whom it responds emotionally. Unfortunately, their opponents also have these kind of weaponry. They are a newly formed group of the Empire called the “Jaegers” (“Jäger” is the German word for “hunter(s)”), under the leadership of the gruesome General Esdeath.

Let battle commence! For Akame ga kill is essentially a Battle Royale-esque anime version of Game of Thrones – though with every one of the main characters carrying Imperial Arms, all parties have an equal chance. And in common with Thrones, there are a lot of strong female characters on both sides, to the extent that they largely overshadow the male characters.

On the side of the rebels, you’ll find the thief Leone (Asakawa) who can turn into a feline beast with incredible regeneration abilities; the pink-haired Mine who wields a very big gun, triggered by the power of her own emotions; the socially awkward Sheele who uses giant scissors (it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds); and a restrained assassin, the title-giving Akame (Amamiya), as well as two male characters. All of them guided by Najenda, a former general of the empire, with a mechanical arm and an eye patch. Later on, they are joined by Chelsea, a saucy girl who is able to turn into anyone from a little cat to a two-metre man thanks to her magical make-up. Don’t ask, just go with it…

The other side responds, among the male characters, with fanatic guard Seryu Ubiquitous, who plays judge and hang(wo)man in one, and is probably the least likable character of the show. She owns a little magical dog that can become a giant beast, eat opponents and turn her body members into weapons. Then there’s Kurome, the little sister of Akame, who can command up to six dead people to do her bidding. And all of them are led by the sadistic General Esdeath. Imagine Elsa from Frozen having grown up to become a Nazi with very big… ahem… eyes… In the last quarter, also introduced are the so-called Rakshasa demons who have no magical weapons, but are specially trained assassins, although they don’t get any backstory.

There are a lot of fights between the characters on these two sides. The series follows the GoT model of killing off main characters one by one, be they good or bad; you start wondering if any one will still be alive for the final fights. But rest assured, there will be some, Surprisingly – attention: spoiler – Tatsumi is not the big winner in the end, despite being the center of the story. Obviously the writers of the show eventually remembered that the show’s title had Akame in it, so the big final duel is fought between Akame and General Esdeath.

Though… young Tatsumi is really favoured by the ladies, it has to be said: While feline Leone hardly made any effort to conceal that she had the hots for him, also Mine fell in love with him, clumsy Sheele connected with him, Akame seems to be touched by him, Najenda liked him and even the otherwise cold-hearted General Esdeath decided, after just having a glimpse, that she was in love with him. Cut to her half-naked with him in her bedroom!

The big problem I have with this series is that it is morally very dubious. Both sides kill with a similar lack of mercy, and don’t really care if you are just a normal guy without their powers. If you are on the wrong side, you basically deserve to die. It reminds me of something my chemistry teacher once jokingly said: “I cannot see any difference between right- and left-wing radicals because they don’t show any difference in the way they react!” [Jim: Ah, GirlsWithGuns.org. Come for the girls with guns, stay for the chemistry jokes!]

In my judgement, “Night Raid” don’t come off as better than the “Jaegers”. Everyone seems just too eager to kill the other side. Even sisters Akame and Kurome think it’s necessary to kill the other despite their family love. General Esdeath commands their squad, if they should come across Tatsume, to capture him alive – as long as it is possible, because the mission comes first. Their motivations – justice (or what Seryu thinks justice is), revenge, loyalty to the empire – may differ but their methods do not. And I have to say, I couldn’t avoid the impression that the series enjoyed showing the graphic violence happening to all the characters, a little bit too much.

Honestly, I do have a big problem identifying with any of the dramatis personae. Their morality is up for grabs; even Tatsumi is too ready to kill those he doesn’t know to “free the people”. Actually, I don’t see the average Joe or Jane suffering very much from the “evil” regime. The normal people in the cities or at the market seem mainly to go about their business; I don’t hear them complaining about supression or the excessive taxes.

In the end, I was left with the impression we witnessed a feud between two powerful groups. who just fight for power. Equally distracting, the “evil guys” are depicted with some sympathy; in Wave, the Jaegers have a character that’s essentially their Tatsumi. Good or bad, the survivors always mourn the friends and comrades they lose in battle, and some on the “wrong” side even survive to build a better world. I guess my issue is, none of the characters ever question what they are doing. Yes, they may regret losing people and admit that they are killers. But they always seem to think that the purpose justifies the means – an attitude with which I have a basic philosophical problem.

Also, the combination of Game of Thrones grimdark and goriness with awkward Japanese anime humour does not really go well together IMHO. It’s really up to you if you can live with quirky character behaviour, in the midst of a dark and serious fantasy setting. The ending must rank among the most down-beat endings of any anime series. The reason may be due to another parallel with Game of Thrones: the studio ran out of the manga to turn into anime episodes, and had to invent its own ending.

So, a fan of the story can decide between two different ones.  Spoilers. The manga eventually had Tatsumi marrying Mine with whom he was – to quote Shakespeare – in “a merry war” and had two babies with her. The anime ends with him dying in battle, in the arms of Akame. She fights Esdeath, who then encloses herself, to die with her beloved Tatsumi in an ice block that she shatters. The choice is yours. But after the final end title, is a little postscript to shows Akame will continue her assassin work among the lawless, quite probably the last survivor of “Night Raid” and this story.

Dir: Tomoki Kobayashi
Star (voice): Sora Amamiya. Sôma Saitô, Yu Asakawa, Risa Mizuno

Eye for an Eye (2019)

  By

★★
“The little engine that couldn’t.”

Stacey Anderson (Sturman) is an agent for the CIA. When an operation in Tunis goes bad, she is blamed, and the intelligence which was supposed to have been collected – a complete list of Russian assets – goes missing. Stacey is disavowed by the organization, and dumped out, with a new identity. Five years later, she’s a saleswoman for a PR company, and her boyfriend, Ken (Haymes) has just proposed, when Stacey’s old life comes back to haunt her. An assault on her workplace shows that someone clearly believes she knows more about the list than she admitted. She is forced on the run, with Ken, while she tries to figure out whether it’s the Russians, or a rogue faction within her former employers. Fortunately, this wasn’t entirely a surprise, and Stacey is quite well-prepared. Less expected: having to take her new fiance along with her.

The script here is actually quite good, with a number of twists and turns I did not see coming, particularly at the end. However, this is one of the cases where a film has aspirations which are massively beyond what it is capable of delivering. This is clear from the get-go, when the drone strike which almost kills our heroine in Tunis, is depicted with really bad digital effects. Unfortunately, that sets the tone for what is to follow, with the production unable to deliver a convincing version of the explosions, gun-battles or blood squibs necessary to the plot. Even some of the rooms appear to have been done with green-screen work which fails to convince. The non-digital stuff is nothing to write home about either, and the makers perhaps should have gone with a stunt woman for the lead. Sturman gives it her all, bless her heart, but considering the frequent need for physicality in the role, it’s a character which really needs somebody like Amy Johnson or Zara Phythian.

The pacing also seems to lag badly in the middle. The opening set-up is, for all its flaws, put together quite effectively (though do the CIA really have formal “disavowal” speeches?”), and as mentioned, the ending delivered some sharp twists in regard to Stacey, not the least being her background. In between those though, it didn’t seem to know what to do with itself. This is the kind of movie that I really wanted to like, since it seemed a project made with some passion, rather than a by-the-numbers studio product. However, there is only so far that passion and heart can take you. The technical aspects – such as audio in some sequences which sounds like it was recorded underwater – are a very significant distraction from its entertainment value. It may have worked better if they had cut their cloth to fit their resources; sitting on the shelf next to far more polished productions, the comparisons are obvious and not to this movie’s benefit.

Dir: Stephen Lambert
Star: Alex Sturman, Clayton Haymes, David Chattam, Shirley Dalmas
a.k.a. Patriot: A Nation at War 

Spare Parts

  By

★★½
“Somewhat more than pure junk.”

All-girl punk band “Ms. 45” – and I’m awarding half a star purely for that name – are on tour, though things threaten to fall apart due to the bitching between members Emma (Alatalo) and Amy (Argyris), despite them being sisters. Driving away from their latest show (which turned into a bit of a bar-room brawl), they are run off the road by stalker fan Sam (Rouse). The local cops are kind enough to arrange for a tow to a nearby scrapyard. Except, there, the four woman are drugged, and wake up to find themselves each missing an arm, and forced to fight in gladiatorial combats for the pleasure of the Emperor (Richings), Sam’s father and his devotees. But Sam has taken a shine to Emma, and has an eye on using her to replace his Dad, while Emma and her friends only want to escape.

It’s not a bad idea, though the contemporary American setting is poorly considered. Make it a Central American shithole, post-apocalyptic wilderness or something similar; as is, it’s ludicrously implausible, and outside the first five minutes the musical angle is completely irrelevant too, bar a couple of axe jokes. It’s more than similar to Kiss Kiss, which had four women, kidnapped and made to fight in a rural American setting. Admittedly, their count of functioning limbs passed three, though here, it’s never less than obvious that the makers just slapped a weaponized glove on top. There’s no Imperator Furiosa level effects here, and you wonder why they bothered, rather than just handing the women their tools. Though the arm-flamethrower was appealing. It’s not as if I use my right arm for much…

If you liked Gladiator, but felt that it needed more punk rock, this is perhaps for you. I was moderately amused, even though there are only about three actual fights over the ninety minutes, and while those are decent, much of what goes on between them isn’t particularly exciting. You’ve got Sam’s plotting against his father, and there’s a trainer type who seems to be quite an interesting character. Otherwise, it’s kinda meh, especially since the members of Ms. 45 got off on the wrong foot with me, by being cringeworthy stereotypes. I cared little or nothing for their fates thereafter.

In concept, this feels like something out of Japan, perhaps by the creators of The Machine Girl. It just doesn’t have the necessary sense of gonzo, go for broke-ness, save for a couple of nice uses of an arm-chainsaw. Richings seems to be the only one who is truly buying into it, giving the Emperor a sense of insane omnipotence that’s a lot of fun to watch. The other performances need to be equally larger than life, in order to sell what is, let’s be honest, a difficult concept – and in most cases, they weren’t enough to hold my interest. Never a good sign, when the ending seems to point to a better movie than the one you just watched.

Dir: Andrew Thomas Hunt
Star: Emily Alatalo, Michelle Argyris, Jason Rouse, Julian Richings