Author: Jim McLennan

Braid

  By

★★½
“Uncomfortably numb”

For most films. I’ve usually got a fairly good idea of what is likely to be the final review grade, inside about 30 minutes. It may drift half a star up or down, but it’s relatively rare for there to be more variation than that. This would be one such case, which started off as underwhelming, went through a brief surge of “Oh, yeah – I get it!” in the middle, before returning to the mediocrity from whence it came. At various points, this could have been anywhere between ★½ and (although briefly) ★★★★. Well done, I guess?

It’s the story of two young women who are drug dealers: Petula (Waterhouse) and Tilda (Hay), though the former’s name is pronounced as “PET-chu-la” rather than “Pe-CHU-la. Which irritated me, for some reason. Anyway, a police raid leaves them eighty grand in the hole to their supplier. To fix this little issue, they resolve to visit and rob a strange little friend from their childhood, Daphne (Brewer). After the death of her parents, this thoroughly weird girl lives in a decrepit old mansion where there is, apparently, a safe full of cash, hidden somewhere on the property. Finding it will require Tilda and Petula to play along with Daphne’s very strange games of “Let’s pretend”. These are carried forward from their childhood days together, and the dealers will have to become Daphne’s child and a visiting doctor respectively.

As things progress, we gradually discover more about the trio’s earlier relationship. During that time, Daphne fell from a tree-house, perhaps a factor in her current idiosyncrasies, shall we say. But it also slowly becomes apparent that her guests may not be entirely stable either, especially after a cop (Cohen) comes calling at the house in search of them. The question of who is using who becomes increasingly blurred, and Daphne’s unbreakable house rules also start to look very ominous:  everyone must play, no outsiders are allowed, and nobody leaves. This is a world in which everything is uncertain, both for the characters and the viewer, and the dilapidated nature of the property reflects its owner’s grip on sanity.

At its worst, this is self-indulgent nonsense, in near-perpetual danger of vanishing up its own tree-house. At its best – probably the sequence backed by “Largo al factotum” from The Barber of Seville – it showcases some gorgeous cinematography and captures a glimpse into what experiencing being insane might feel like. The balance, unfortunately, is tilted toward the former, and it doesn’t help that there’s hardly a sympathetic angle to be found for any of the characters. I get the feeling there’s some deep symbolism intended here, such as each of the women being intended to represent aspects of a single personality, i.e. id, ego and superego. There may in reality be three girls, one or even none: perhaps the entire world in a fabrication of Daphne’s young mind after her accident. I don’t know. But, guess what? I find it kinda hard to care either.

Dir: Mitzi Peirone
Star: Madeline Brewer,  Imogen Waterhouse, Sarah Hay, Scott Cohen

Valhalla Online by Kevin McLaughlin

  By

Literary rating: ★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆☆

I could have sworn this isn’t the first entry in the LitRPG genre I’d reviewed, but I’m damned if I can find the previous one. So, just to be safe, I’m going to explain what LitRPG is: apologies if this is unnecessary! Basically, it takes the structure of role-playing games (RPGs) – things like character levels, ability scores, etc – and applies them onto a story structure. Obviously, the overlap between RPGs and books has been a long one: Dungeons & Dragons is heavily influenced by the work of Tolkein. But it has been mostly one-way traffic. The LitRPG genre sends things back the other way, producing novels that adopt the practices of the games.

Quite how this is managed, is up to the author. Here, the heroine is Samantha, a military police officer who wakes to find herself part of Valhalla Online. This is a fantasy-based online RPG, which was intended to act as a virtual repository for the personalities of the deceased, granting them eternal life. Which comes as a shock to Sam, because she never signed up for this very expensive process. However, for good reason, the “virtual dead” are extremely limited in their ability to communicate with the outside world. Only those who complete the entire game are allowed to do so. This means Sam will first have to figure out how to rack up a high score, in order to begin finding out how she got here and what’s going on. Her army training might help. But even West Point didn’t prepare her for dealing with magic spells and storming castles.

It’s a quick and light read, one which contains few surprises at all. We don’t learn much about Sam’s life before Valhalla Online, and I’m not even sure we even discover what she looked like in the real world. All we’re told is that in-game, “Her hair seemed to be about the same color. Her skin tone looked familiar to her.” The cover tells you more than the entire novel. It would probably help to be loosely familiar with at least the concept of RPGs, though McLaughlin does a decent job of explaining the game mechanics, without getting bogged down in it.

The main issue is that death literally has no sting here. If Sam suffers a mortal wound, she just gets sent back to a set location. She may lose some of her equipment, and suffer a bit of psychic shock, but that’s about it, despite the author’s efforts to put over some mental trauma. It’s accurate enough as a computer game goes, but shows that what works there doesn’t necessarily transfer to other media. This lacking of a sense of mortality may partly be why Roger Ebert said in 2010 that computer games can never be art. But that aside, this keeps moving forward at a brisk pace, and for obvious reasons, the reader learns about Valhalla alongside Sam, which makes for a smoothly entertaining experience. It’s more or less standard hack and slash, though towards the end, she subverts things nicely by recruiting a pack of enemy kobolds (think: mini-orcs) to her side. Pretty sure that wasn’t in the tutorial…

The ending is little more than a save point, though it does come after a neat bit of loot sniping. Again, the lack of mortality applies as much to Sam’s enemies as to her; there’s little sense of triumph when the villain will simply re-spawn tomorrow. I finished the first volume having been pleasantly entertained, just not much more. I feel I probably don’t need to buy the remaining entries, because I suspect I can largely figure out how things are going to progress in them. There’s just not enough replay value to be found here.

Author: Kevin McLaughlin
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
1 of 4 in the Valhalla Online series.

Crazy Mama

  By

★★½
“What’s the good of being an outlaw if you look like an in-law?”

This upper-tier B-movie, produced by Julie Corman, is notable for a handful of reasons. It includes not one but two Oscar winners. Director Demme would go on to receive one for Silence of the Lambs, and star Leachman had already won for her performance in The Last Picture Show. There’s also a small role here for Sally Kirkland, who’d be nominated for an Academy Award down the road. And perhaps most trivia-worthy are the presences in uncredited roles, of Bill Paxton and Dennis Quaid – both making their screen debuts.

It begins in the Great Depression, with mother and young daughter Shelba and Melba Stokes losing their man and the Arkansas farm. They head out West to California in search of their fortune. Fast-forward to 1957, according to the poster. Although it would appear to be a somewhat loose version, as far as historical accuracy goes, given the presence of Vertigo on a cinema marquee (not released until May 1958), or the repeated presence on the soundtrack of Money (That’s What I Want) – a song which came out in August 1959! Shelba (Sothern) and Melba (Leachman) now run a hair-salon, but they’re evicted from that too, after not keeping up on the rent. Shelba leads the family, now including Melba’s daugter Cheryl (Purl), on a cross-country road trip and crime spree, to raise the funds to buy the farm back. They progress from gas station hold-up to bank robbery and fake kidnapping.

Along the way, the gang expands to include various odd-ball characters, including a biker (played by Leachman’s real life son), a Texas mayor and an octogenarian biddy, and the law takes an increasing interest in their exploits. It’s almost relentlessly light in tone, though does take a darker tone towards the end, when one member dies in a fiery attempt to break through a police road-block. It ends in Shelba getting her wish, to confront the man who foreclosed on their farm a quarter-century previously, with the property now a country club. Though the results hardly seems worth the effort, and I was expecting a better resolution overall – the film basically ends as it began.

If a slight cinematic confection, it’s one whose period atmosphere had likely been enhanced by the passage of time. At the point of its release in the mid-seventies, the setting would be relatively recent, less than a generation in the past. Now, it all seems like another world – one curiously devoid of black people… Still, on the positive side, seeing things like fifties Las Vegas or the Wigwam Motel chain (a couple of branches of which still operate) is certainly a kick, and the soundtrack provides a cool selection of tracks from that time. There’s just not much on which to hang your hat, in the way of character or story development. Outside of one tasselled Vegas dancer and the road-block mentioned above, it’s not even pleasantly exploitative in the fields of sex and violence.

Dir: Jonathan Demme
Star: Cloris Leachman, Ann Sothern, Linda Purl, Jim Backus

Jessi’s Girls

  By

★★★★
“And not a Rick Springfield in sight.”

It’s about the year 1880, and Jessica Hartwell (Currie) is heading out West in a wagon with her preacher husband. They encounter the gang of Frank Brock (Frank); they repeatedly rape Jessica, before shooting her husband fatally, and leaving her for dead. She survives, returning to health with the help of prospector Rufe, who sports an unfortunate, obviously fake beard, yet also teaches the young woman how to shoot. For Jessi has vengeance on her mind, and to assist her in this path, she liberates three other women from the custody of Sheriff Clay (Lund). There’s outlaw Rachel (Jennifer Bishop); saloon girl Claire (Regina Carrol); and Indian Kana (the not-exactly Indian Stern), who had been a part of Frank’s gang until he abandoned her.

While director Adamson was best known for his horror films, some of his work has been covered here before: The Female Bunch and I Spit on Your Corpse! This is his best entry yet, which is straightforward, short on pretension and all the better for it. It certainly doesn’t hang around; we’re barely a few minutes in before the reason for revenge is under way, and it’s not easy viewing. It sits particularly uncomfortably, since just a few minutes earlier, the audience was enjoying the sight of the lead actress (also seen in Mama’s Dirty Girls) skinny-dipping. For the film doesn’t forget the sex in exploitation. Jessi is surprisingly quick to forget her late husband and bed the Sheriff, with most of the other female cast similarly disrobing at some point.

On the other hand, there are occasionally surprising elements, such as Tana’s refusal to help a wounded Apache; often, films lump all native Americans together, forgetting that tribes were sometimes disparate groups, who hated each other. It’s a decision which causes conflict – of the muddy, cat-fight kind – between her and Claire, a diversion on the otherwise fairly straight arrow journey towards the expected and likely inevitable confrontation with Brock. This, along with other forms of more brutal attrition, do mean that by the time Jessica arrives at her target’s hideout, the film’s title is no longer accurate. Indeed, Jessi is back to ploughing an almost solitary furrow on her mission, made all the more hazardous by Frank knowing she’s on her way.

The supporting actresses are not exactly given more than simple sketches, yet manage to make them feel like actual people. The focus is firmly on Jessica, and I liked Currie in the role, with her managing to portray both a vulnerable side and a steely determination that will not be swayed from her intended path of retribution. Her coolest moment is probably at the end, lighting sticks of dynamite off her cheroot and tossing them to great effect. Admittedly, when it comes to the finale, Brock and his men tend to demonstrate all the shooting skills of Imperial Stormtroopers, and you wonder how they ever managed to rob anyone. A great ending though, with a twist I did not see coming, providing the icing on the cake of a unexpectedly pleasant surprise.

Dir: Al Adamson
Star: Sondra Currie, Ellyn Stern, Geoffrey Land, Ben Frank

The Sun At Midnight

  By

★★★½
“Nothing here but mosquitoes and bear shit.”

While certainly more relaxed that many of the films we cover here, this makes it in on the strength of its heroine’s character arc. That belongs to Lia (Jacobs), a teenage girl in the Northwest Territories of Canada, who is being raised by her father. When he has to go off for work, she gets sent north of the Arctic Circle to live with her grandmother (Jerome) for the nightless summer. She hates the rural life, and runs away, stealing a boat in the hope of reaching Dawson City, the nearest big town – not realizing it would be four weeks journey. She falls overboard after her boat breaks down, and is lucky to be rescued by Alfred (Howard), a hunter from the local Gwich’in tribe. As they cross the remote wilderness, she begins to appreciate it, bonding with the thoroughly down-to-earth Alfred and learning from him – wolves hate the smell of tobacco, apparently. But when an accident befalls her guide, Lia is going to have to dig into her own resources.

I’m about as much of a city mouse at Lia, whose initial opinion of the countryside is largely summed up by her line at the top. Early on, she just seems like another annoying teenager, whose attitude sits permanently between surly and self-obsessed. Admittedly, it doesn’t help that the locals don’t take to her, and she’s the subject of bullying by them, but until she meets up with Alfred, she’s not very likeable. To her credit, Lia is prepared to learn from someone who has forgotten more about the wilderness than we’ll ever know. As she grows to embrace the untamed landscape (and her hair returns to a more natural shade!), so does the viewer. Alfred clearly doesn’t stand for her city-slicker ways, yet generally disarms them with patience rather than anger, though his dispatch of an injured animal reminds us that nature can sometimes be brutal. They also bond through the shared experience of losing someone close to them – his wife and her mother respectively.

It has to be said, the drama which eventually appears toward the end is rather lacking on the dramatic front. Initially, it appears it will involve Lia in a race against time, to bring help to Alfred. However, that’s never fulfilled and it’s almost as if the director got bored of the idea and decided not to bother, instead looking around for a way to close things out in the least exciting way she could find. Similarly, Lia’s encounter with some less-friendly hunters feels an obligatory incident, unnecessary to proceedings. And, yet… It doesn’t particularly matter, in terms of my enjoyment. This is one of those movies which is considerably more about the journey than the destination, as well as (at the risk of sounding trite) the people you meet along the way. It’s undeniably low-key and understated, yet if you are in the right mood, it hits the spot, particular in its dialogue, which fits those delivering it perfectly.

Dir: Kirsten Carthew
Star: Devery Jacobs, Duane Howard, Sarah Jerome

Scarlett

  By

★★½
“Better red than dead.”

I was looking forward to this one quite a bit. Lyde is no stranger to these pages, having a track record of low-budget action heroines to his name: Survivor, 626 Evolution and a couple of entries in the Mythica franchise, including the best of them, Mythica: The Iron Crown. The star here, Melanie Stone, was also a big part of Mythica, where she played Marek the necromancer, so I was excited to see what their reunion might bring. And… s’okay, I suppose. In particular, you will need to be in a very forgiving mood as far as the plot goes. The heroine is Scarlett (Stone), a nursing student at odds with her father, Cal (Krause), a single parent who keeps her on a tight leash and has trained Scarlett in all manner of unusual skills, from martial arts to pursuit evasion. For we know, and Scarlett doesn’t, that her father is a globetrotting spy, who is concerned his pigeons might come home to roost one day.

Turns out, he’s right to worry, and he is kidnapped by people who want a bioweapon he is holding, so they can sell it to the highest bidder. Scarlett has to turn her skills to practical use, locate the people who abducted her father and release him. Except, her first attempt instead frees Sean (McConnell), an associate of her father who had also been kidnapped by the bad guys. Somewhat reluctantly, he teams up with Scarlett as her investigation brings her ever closer to a face-off where she’ll exchange her father for the vial of bio-nastiness. One of the numerous problems with the story is, the twist in the second half is blatantly obvious. I’m usually easy to fool, but spotted it quickly. Even worse, Chris wandered in about half-way and within five minutes, had also nailed it. That Scarlett was apparently oblivious, doesn’t quite jibe with her supposedly razor-sharp abilities, that let her easily out-think and out-fight the professionals the rest of the time.

Stone is not bad, clearly doing a lot of her own action, to decent effect; even simple things like a foot-chase, which sees her leaping fences in a way which would have many actresses calling for a stunt double. However, it feels as if she takes a back seat to her father as things proceed. While Krause is actually surprisingly good, he’s no Scott Adkins – and to be honest, we’re not here for him, but the action promised by the sleeve, which puts Scarlett front and centre. I think this might have worked better had they been a fully-functional and active father-daughter partnership before his abduction (the end vaguely hints at that as a possible future direction). As is, the repeated flashbacks needed to cover her training makes for a bit of an awkward structure, not adding much to  proceedings.  The film is a good idea, and the low-budget is well enough disguised not to be a problem. The script, however, is well below par, and ends up taking the whole endeavour down with it.

Dir: John Lyde
Star: Melanie Stone, Brian Krause, David McConnell

Strider

  By

★★★½
“The loneliness of the long-distance runner.”

This is certainly a borderline entry for the site, in terms of “action”. There’s running. Lots of running, through the very scenic, beautifully photographed New England countryside. And that’s about it. if you’re expecting fisticuffs, gun-play or mayhem… look elsewhere. That, I must stress, doesn’t make this a bad film. Admittedly, it falls close to Generic Sports Movie 1.0.1. Teenager Jody Sue Brightwell (Friedman) is spotted by a “between jobs” track coach, Hannah Dalton (Alexander). as Jody Sue runs on the road, largely to escape the problems of her everyday life – such as an absent mother and her two, hell-spawned younger brothers. Hannah sees raw talent and agrees to take her on, with the goal of getting her ready for the Pinnacle Games, where a good performance could open the doorway to a professional career.

Of course, between here and there, various problems get in the way.  The doubts of her father (Lewis), who knows Jody Sue’s past history of giving up. The approach of Hannah to training, which gives no quarter to anyone’s feelings. Jody Sue’s new boyfriend, Tim (Schneider), who wants to support her, yet ends up being a potentially fatal distraction to her chances. Really, there are only two ways this can go at the end. Jody Sue can triumph in the Big Race, or not, and both are almost inescapably cliched. Either way, along the road (literally, in this case), relationships will be tested, lessons learned, and limits tested. If you’re looking for anything groundbreaking in the story… again, look elsewhere.

But this is absolutely one of those cases where the journey is more important than the destination. Crucially, the characters here all feel incredibly genuine. Thanks to both a solid script and performances that are all good or better, they speak and behave in ways which make them feel real. They’re all – well, with the exception of the Hell-spawn – nice folk, trying to do the best they can. There are no villains here, and while that does limit the scope for dramatic conflict, it makes for an engaging experience. These are people with whom it’s a pleasure to spend time, and that’s perhaps rarer than you’d think in cinema. Despite occasionally awkward gaps in the narrative – why, exactly, is Hannah apparently unemployable? – you should find yourself caring about them as events unfold.

Helping matters, the technical aspects are excellent. The film looks incredibly crisp, as mentioned above, with some great aerial photography work, and the soundtrack does a very good job of enhancing the overall experience. Finally, I actually watched the second half of this while getting in my daily miles on the elliptical in the living-room. It seemed appropriate to be running, while watching a film about running, right? But for whatever reason, I ended up cracking through more calories than I had for several months. I guess this can truly be considered an inspirational movie…

Dir: Mark Lewis
Star: Yelena Friedman, Maggie Alexander, Scott Lewis, Josiah Schneider
[The film is currently available on Amazon Prime]

Savage Creatures

  By

★★★
“Vampires vs. Zombies”

Is it possible for a film to try and cram in too much? This might be guilty of that, being simply too full of ideas. It begins with a serial killer mother and son pair, who are also cannibals, to boot. They think they’ve found their next victims, when they pick up a pair of young hitchhikers, Ursula (Steadman) and Rose (Brown). However, the psychos are in for a shock, because their targets are actually a pair of vampires, centuries old. But, wait! There’s more! Weird meteorites have landed on Earth containing alien creatures, that devour human souls. Those they infect turn into aggressive, zombie-like creatures, that can only be terminated by destroying their pineal glands. And I haven’t even touched on Father Cooper (Travis), and his “nun with a gun” associate, Sister Gigi (Smith, right).

You certainly can’t fault this for its inventiveness, and some of the ideas work very well. For example, the soul-stealing aspect of the aliens fits nicely with the vampires; they’re immune to this, because they have no souls. The two leads have good chemistry, exhibiting the easy rapport you’d expect, from people who have known each other for hundreds of years.Yet, they both have their own traits, and feel like individuals. It’s perhaps this angle which feels most pushed out by all the other stuff, and it is a bit of a shame. The idea of vampires dealing with an alien invasion or the zombie apocalypse is strong enough to carry a film. All the other stuff piled on top, feels kinda superfluous, operating as a series of distractions, rather than adding dimensions to proceedings. That’s especially true, given the relatively short running time of only 75 minutes. 

Ursula and Rose provide a no-nonsense response to their predicament – or, more accurately, series of predicaments. Their fangs are far from their only weapon; indeed, they’re not much use when it comes to destroying pineal glands. Semiautomatics work much better, and the pair wield them with some enthusiasm. For a low-budget entity, the technical aspects are pretty decent. The model alien which gets dissected with cutlery by our heroines (technically, one of them; the other has a bit of a weak stomach) being a particular highlight. 

The other main issue is a lack of escalation. Rather than plot threads being developed, they get replaced. As a result, we reach the end, and almost nothing has been resolved. The aliens are still invading, as the vamps hit the road again. They don’t even seem too fazed by the thought of their food supply being zombified. After all, as one of them points out, there are enough blood-banks in the country to keep them going for a good century. It’s one last piece of invention, in a film that hardly needs it. Yet it seems churlish to complain about too much of that, and this remains a pleasant slice of energetic horror/SF, powered by two heroines with whom it’s fun to spend time.

Dir: Richard Lowry
Star: Victoria Steadman, Kelly Brown, Greg Travis, Kannon Smith

Bad Policewoman

  By

★★★
“School’s out… for ever.”

Yang Yang (Yang) is an impetuous young policewoman, whose career is on thin ice after shooting the target of what was supposed to be a surveillance operation. Her superior officer – who also happens to be her uncle – is forced to re-assign her, and sends Yang to operate undercover as a student in a high school from which girls have been going missing. The leading suspect is an arrogant pupil who has recently been accused of sexually assaulting a classmate. Teacher Wu Xie (Zhou) is a witness in the case, so Yang is also tasked with making sure he isn’t pressured into changing his statement. Fitting in is going to be part of the problem for Yang – despite the help of Molly (Li), who takes the “new girl” under her wing.

The idea of cops being sent undercover to school is hardly a new one, best known in the West through 21 Jump Street. Originally a TV series starring Johnny Depp, this was recently revived as a movie franchise, with a lighter tone. However, in much of the East, the touchstone is 1991’s Fight Back to School, with Stephen Chow as the policeman. It became Hong Kong’s all-time top-grossing film to that point, and foreshadows the comedic approach of the Hollywood movie. Those are some enormous boots to fill, and it’s hardly any kind of surprise that Yang is no Stephen Chow in terms of comedic persona or timing.

That said, it isn’t too bad. The lead actress actually looks like she could still be at school, which is an immediate leg-up over the thirty-something Channing Tatum, who was the least convincing high-school student since Olivia Newton-John. Even her “bad policewoman” attitude isn’t entirely inappropriate, though the film does have an unevenness of tone which is quite frequently awkward. The juxtaposition of a jokey approach with the sexual assault charges has not travelled well to the West [and while I’m at it, why is this apparently Chinese film set in Singapore?]

The action is a bit up and down, too. The best bit is a lighting-fast fight between Yang and someone out to ensure Wu doesn’t make it to court. This contains a sequence where they’re repeatedly throwing the same knife back and forth, snatching it out of the air before returning it in the opposite direction. It’s like a pointy version of badminton, up until the moment where Yang, apparently bored with the whole thing, catches the blade in her teeth. The rest isn’t on the same level, and proceeds in almost exactly the way you would expect. For example, Yang gradually falls for Wu, creating a scandal at the school, and which brings her into conflict with another student who has a pre-existing crush. However, after a run of really bad movies on Amazon Prime, I was delighted to latch onto something capable of reaching the dizzy heights of artistic competence. Sometimes, you just have to take what you can get.

Dir: Kai Jiang
Star: Yang Zou, Zhuo Wen, Mengmeng Li, Naisen Hou
a.k.a. Bad Cop

Savage Justice

  By

★★½
“Justice: yes. Savage? Not so much.”

In an unnamed third-world country, which looks suspiciously like the Philippines, unexpected turmoil catches American diplomats by surprise. Trying to flee the country, the Howard family are caught by the rebel force run by Sanchez (Vernal). Mom and Dad are killed, while daughter Sarah (Montgomery) is abducted by the rebel leader. Fast-forward a year, and it looks like Sarah has gone more or less full Patty Hearst. She has joined the revolution and become Sanchez’s main squeeze – much to the unhappiness of the previous incumbent. But, it turns out, Sarah was only playing a (very) long game, and waiting for the appropriate opportunity. When she goes along on a raid of a nearby town, she jumps ship, instead teaming up with local guy Rick (Memel) to defend the locals against Sanchez and his gang, intent on extracting revenge for her year of abuse. And she knows the location of the perfect arms cache which will help them. Though getting to it might be another matter.

There’s certainly no shortage of action here. The problem is that most of it – in particular, the bits involving our heroine – isn’t very good. She’s not exactly Cynthia Rothrock shall we say. Her fighting skills are more on a par with… oh, let’s say, someone whose main (and, arguably, only) claim to fame is being in Revenge of the Nerds. Oh, she seems game enough, and the enthusiastic approach by director Romero does help paper over some of the cracks. But you wonder how far down the list of picks the producers had to go before settling on Montgomery. I feel it was quite some distance.

Not that this in entirely devoid of pleasures. For example, the arms cache is located inside an abandoned ship, located inside the territory of what can only be described as a midget warlord. Corlon (played by the inappropriately-named Rey Big Boy), and his devoted followers, appear to have wandered in from a Philippino theme-park inspired by Mad Max. When they catch Sarah, Rick and their crew skulking around, Corlon royally proclaims they can go free if she can best his executioner in single combat. Which, of course, she does, thereby gaining the respect and admiration of the little ruler, who is far more interesting than the ultra-bland Rick.

Then there are the Buddhist monks, whom she also recruits. It’s a bit… disconcerting to see these saffron-robed men of peace, laying down suppressing fire from a 50-caliber machine gun, or piloting a power-boat, which has been converted into a kamikaze vessel. These are the weird elements which kept me acceptably entertained, when the main plot and lead actress, largely failed to do so. Disappointingly, we didn’t even get the expected cat-fight between Sarah and Sanchez’s once and former girlfriend. That annoying bastard, Rick, robs us of this small pleasure with a single shot. Nor is Sarah’s battle against Sanchez much to write home about, yet the sheer volume of running gun battles did keep me awake.

Dir: Joey Romero
Star: Julia Montgomery, Steven Memel, Ruel Vernal, Chanda Romero