Author: Jim McLennan

Country of Beauties

  By

★★½
“Still a better movie than Wonder Woman 1984.“

This Taiwanese production takes place on an island where women have been separate from men for 23 generations, developing more or less your stereotypical Amazonian society. Men are rejected, male babies tossed out to see to sink or swim (typically the former) and they have build a giant, albeit largely unconvincing, statue of their founding ruler, which fires cannonballs out of its eyes. This is not inappropriate, since the current occupant of the throne, Queen Nadanwa (Yeung). has a harsh line in anti-male rhetoric (“All men are dangerous!”), accompanied by castration. Her subjects dress either in flimsy white robes or shiny battle armour, and engage in gymnastic or circus-related forms of entertainment.

Nadanwa’s antipathy initially seems not wrong, as the island is raided by rapist pirates, who are barely fought off by the women. However, it turns out there is another island nearby, occupied only by men – the survivors of the sea-dispatched male babies mentioned above. They’re more chill, and just want to get back to both sexes living in harmony. The ruler’s sister Chung Ah (Fong) has been having a secret affair with their leader, Lu (Wong). Needless to say, queenie is not going to be happy about this. However, she does eventually realize that some men might just have their uses, such as increasing the power of her eyeball cannons, in order to defend her realm from the pirates.

You may be thinking this could perhaps go through male rape for comedic purposes, a hunt for treasure, light lesbian canoodling and end in a mass battle between the Amazons and the buccaneers, with the island of men coming in to save the day. This will, in all likelihood, be accompanied by an upbeat and poppy soundtrack, which could not possibly be more eighties if it was sporting AquaNet and leg-warmers. Well, I’m not going to spoil it for you. Nadanwa also keeps a tiger as a pet, which fits with her general philosophy, I guess. Though it must be said, these Amazons do seem weirdly incompetent, needing male help not just in the armaments category, but when giving birth. You’d think they might have figured out the basics after 23 generations. 

There are some reasonable moments of scale here, though things like the battles against the pirates are more notable for the number of participants than their combat ability. The problem is mostly one of tone, and it’s hardly alone there, in Taiwanese productions from this decade. A lot of the attempts at comedy have not aged well, if they were ever funny to begin with. In a movie which also includes wholesale child genocide, sexual assault of both genders, and genital mutilation, you’re not exactly looking for light relief. Although Yeung is her usual reliable self as a leader, this falls short of the likes of Golden Queens Commando., and only just scrapes over the bar set at a height of “acceptable entertainment.”

Dir: Yang-Ming Tsai
Star: Fong-fong Fong, Don Wong, Elsa Yeung
a.k.a. Island Warriors

Zulm Ka Badla

  By

★★★
“The family that slays together…”

In recent years, the gap in cinema between Bollywood and Hollywood has closed dramatically. The likes of Indian blockbusters such as RRR (technically Tollywood rather than Bollywood) can stand, in terms of technical competence, beside their American equivalents. It’s mostly due to a dramatic improvement from Asia, because it wasn’t always the case, as we see when we go back to the mid-eighties for this slice of vengeance served cold. It looks pretty rough if you compare it to what Hollywood was making at the time, and in many ways feels like it’s about twenty years older than it is. I still found it more watchable than I expected, but then, I’m somewhat used to the style of Indian cinema. Newcomers might find this a bumpy ride.

It begin with an attack on military official Colonel Rajesh, in which he and his wife are killed by JK (Kapoor) and his men. Their son is missing, presumed dead, leaving young daughter Geeta (Raj) the only survivor. She is adopted by Rajesh’s friend, Inspector Verma, and grows up in his house, eventually marrying the cop’s son, Anil (Rakesh), who has followed his father into the police force. Geeta has learned to take care of herself, as we see when she handily disposes of some ruffians on the beach. But it’s only when she accidentally sees a photograph given to her husband, that her long-repressed memories of the attack surface, and an insatiable thirst for revenge is born.

On the action level, let’s be honest, this is a bit crap, with Geeta doing little more than semi-competent kicking, but being made to look like she is flying through the air, in a way a cheap seventies chop-socky movie would reject as poorly executed. [It seems Geeta is actually pregnant at this point too!] However, this is made up for by some quite intense drama, not least that her brother survived, albeit with amnesia and is now one of JK’s lieutenants. He feels a bond to Geeta, though can’t quite figure out why. There are the inevitable musical numbers, too; most are at least semi-integrated into the plot, Geeta using her seductive skills to get close to her targets. Though might I suggest that, when a woman sings a song at you whose lyrics include the lines. “Now I’ve decided either to kill you or die myself,” that caution might be the best approach.

There are some moments which definitely stretch disbelief. After Geeta is forced on the run, she disguises herself as a nun, and it appears that slapping a wimple on your head and wearing glasses is an impenetrable disguise, which neither her foster father nor husband can penetrate. However, at least they don’t try and pass the thoroughly attractive Raj off as a man (I’m talking to certain Hong Kong films here!). Her brother helps, by breaking the final target out of prison, so they can unite and take revenge together. Which is nice. Naturally, they’re not allowed to get away with it in eighties Bollywood movies, making for a rather bittersweet ending. If it’s all more than a little shaky around the edges, its heart is both large and in the right place.

Dir: Chand and K. Prasad
Star: Anita Raj, Danny Denzongpa, Rakesh Roshan, Shakti Kapoor

Rise of the Machine Girls

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★★★
“Rage against the Machine Girls.”

A decade after the splattery joy which was The Machine Girl, we get this – not quite a sequel, not quite a reboot. Creator Noboru Iguchi helped on the script, but hands the directorial reins over to another, and… Well, it’s amusing and moderately entertaining, rather than the jaw-dropping and ground-breaking spectacle which was the original. Part of this is simply the passage of time: what was fresh and original at the time, has now become much more familiar. There is still no shortage of invention here, but it does seem  haphazard. It’s less a story, than a series of skits, albeit ones heavily drenched in gore – unfortunately, a lot from blood group CGI-minus.

It takes place in a futuristic dystopia, where the poor are left to sell whatever they can to make ends meet, including their children, limbs and internal organs. Sisters Ami (Nagimiya) and Yoshie (Kanon)  are both a bit short in the body-part department, but make a living as idol performers. Less the singing kind, more as combat performers, though they yearn to be one of the more kawaii (cute) variety. Yoshie moonlights as a vigilante, taking out the organ traffickers she feels responsible for her plight. This brings her the wrath of Aoyama Dharma (Negishi), leader of the local ring, who captures Yoshie. Fortunately, help for Ami is available, in the form of wandering assassin, Matsukata (Sakaguchi) , ranked the #5 hitman by his company.

There are certainly some cool moments here. The pregnant killer… though pregnant with what, I can’t even begin to describe. Or the Battle Bust Sisters, who are exactly what you think they would be from their name, e.g. one sibling’s bosom is capable of inflating into a pair of large, bullet-proof airbags as a defensive mechanism. But it never manages to gel cohesively, and I occasionally even got the feeling that new director Kobayashi was frankly bored of the whole endeavour. For instance, there’s what should have been a glorious, extended one-shot when Matsukata and Ami storm the Dharma HQ, dispatching minions with fists, swords and head-shots. But half of it is played out in fast-forward, entirely negating the point of the whole exercise.

There are some dry jabs at things like idol culture, fans being admonished pre-performance, “If you must jack off, please do so in your pocket.” [This is somewhat ironic, given the copious number of panty shots present!] It seems to lack a forceful personality at its heart, with neither of the sisters having the same presence of Ami v1.0 from the original. Negishi does deliver an enjoyably villainous performance, chewing scenery in a way that’s fun to watch. I certainly wish they had gone with a more practical approach to the effects; while some things obviously need CGI (those airbags mentioned earlier), there’s really no excuse for ever using it to fake arterial spray. It’s fun, but forgettable, and probably won’t stray across my screen again.

Dir: Yûki Kobayashi
Star: Hina Nagimiya, Hanakage Kanon, Tak Sakaguchi, Kimono Negishi

Inmate Zero

  By

★★½
“Death sentence.”

Zombies and jail aren’t quite as new an idea as you might think. The Walking Dead had a major arc which took place at a prison, the facility’s fences now more useful for keeping things out than in. And back in 2005, The Asylum released the (surprisingly decent) Dead Men Walking, about a zombie outbreak at a maximum security jail. But this is, as far as I know, the first to combine zombies with the women-in-prison genre. Admittedly, it skews considerably more toward the former. However, there’s no denying its place on this site, with its heroine being ex-Special Forces soldier Stone (Chanliau), now held in a black site in the North Atlantic.

She’s there because she allegedly killed a US Senator and his family, whom she was supposed to be bodyguarding. While there is rather more to that story than this, it doesn’t particularly matter. What matters is that she’s now on death row in the women’s wing, awaiting execution. After being attacked by another inmate, she’s moved to the prison infirmary, where she’s joined on the ward by someone from a different area, where dubious medical experiments are being carried out. That person then dies. If you noticed the Z-word in the first paragraph, you will be utterly unsurprised to hear they do not stay that way, and it’s not long before being behind bars is probably the safest place to be, for both prisoners and guards.

On the plus side, you have the advantage of the occupants largely being the hardest of hardened or vicious criminals. These are people for whom human life is cheap, and so the action required to survive are not something over which much sleep will be lost. The brutality is well up to the standard you’d expect for the genre, and the effects seem mostly of the practical kind, which I always prefer over CGI. It’s a solid enough location, offering no easy way out, with the authorities hovering, and ready to wipe everyone out (as in Return of the Living Dead) should it prove necessary. The minor pieces are this in place for a decent enough entry, albeit one which missed the sell-by date on the zombie craze by most of a decade.

The problems, however, are in… well, just about everywhere else. The script is a series of cliches, joined with dialogue where cliched would probably be an improvement. The characters never get past stereotypes, whether its sympathetic guard Brooks (McGinley), queen bee Butcher (Joseph) or cowardly warden Crowe (Garda). The zombies probably show more depth, and their actions are largely limited to shrieking and gnawing on faces. The further into this you get, the more apparent it becomes that imagination stopped at the overall scenario, and does not extend to constructing interesting roles or giving them lines which could credibly be spoken by actual people. Been a while since I’ve seen a film with such a gap between the technical elements and the artistic ones.

Dir: Russell Owen
Star: Jess Chanliau, Philip McGinley, Jennifer Joseph, Jane Garda
a.k.a. Patients of a Saint

Brenda Starr

  By

★★½
“A bit lacking in Starr quality.”

No, not the eighties version of Brenda Starr: that is well known, and justifiably much derided, to the point it didn’t even reach the necessary level for inclusion here. But neither was it the first version of the comic-strip to reach the screen. Well, at least the small screen. There had previously been a 1945 series, Brenda Starr, Reporter, though some reports describe this as nearly action-free. But the late seventies saw two television efforts: as well as the one under discussion here, three years later in 1979, there was an unsold television pilot movie (now apparently lost) in which Sherry Jackson played the intrepid girl journalist. In contrast, this appears to have been intended as a stand-alone from the get-go. While I’m sure ABC wouldn’t have minded had this been successful enough to become a franchise, it suffers from much the same problem as all the other adaptations, with a heroine that’s too passive to pass muster

However, as TV movies go, this isn’t terrible. It hits the ground running, with Brenda (St. John) investigating the case of reclusive millionaire Lance O’Toole (Buono), who arrives in Los Angeles and goes straight to hospital, apparently being taken down by voodoo magic. Starr is tussling for the scoop with her nemesis, fellow reporter Roger Randall (Buono), though he’s a mere TV anchor, and so the subject of her disdain. Meanwhile, other rich people – including her paper’s owner – are getting blackmail letters demanding $5 million, after the death of O’Toole. Brenda gets a tip and heads for Brazil, the apparent source of the voodoo practices (though let’s be honest, this is one of the least convincing depictions of South America you’ll see!). There, she finds that, things aren’t quite as they seem. O’Toole is far from dead, and in fact is working on creating a new world order, with Ms. Starr scheduled as his queen. Randall is also hot on the tail of the story, though he is arguably even less action-oriented than Brenda.

About the peak of the action is St. John – or, more accurately, her stunt double – climbing out of a bedroom window and down the shrubbery to the ground. However, there was a surprisingly high body-count; we were perplexed by the rather callous way in which the heroine quickly abandoned one deceased travelling companion, without even the courtesy of checking him for a pulse. While she’s no Lara Croft, I didn’t mind St. John’s performance, and that just about kept me watching. The plot feels like something cribbed from a lesser Bond movie of the time – this may be a positive or a negative, depending how you feel about the Bond movies of the time. But Buono, probably best known as King Tut in the sixties TV version of Batman, chews the scenery in suitably agreeable fashion opposite the heroine. At barely 75 minutes (did they have a lot more commercials in those days?). this can’t be accused of outstaying its welcome, even if 75 minutes more is likely long enough for it to be forgotten again.

Dir: Mel Stuart
Star: Jill St. John, Jed Allan, Victor Buono, Joel Fabiani

Tentacles and Teeth, by Ariele Sieling

  By

Literary rating: ★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆½

I was disappointed by the lack of tentacles. However, there were certainly no shortage of teeth in this post-apocalyptic tale, which takes place decades after the arrival of monsters, from an uncertain source, has led to the collapse of civilization on Earth. The survivors are left to scratch out a fragile existence, trying to dodge the many kinds of lethal new fauna which inhabit the landscape. Askari is a young woman who forms part of one such nomadic group, but finds herself increasingly questioning the strict rules by which they operate. As punishment for breaking these laws, is sent by elders of her tribe on a hazardous mission into a long-abandoned urban area.

Fortunately, she’s not alone, with allies human and animal. Even with these on her side, there are any number of lethal hazards to be faced, fought or avoided. There are also lessons to be learned, both about survival and her own heritage. When she re-unites with her group, they find themselves trapped in a cave network, possessing an unpleasant sitting tenant. Once that is disposed of, the only way out is through a pitched battle against multiple packs of rarohan, carnivorous creatures the size of horses, capable of ripping a full-grown man to shreds in seconds. Survival is possible, but what might the cost be, and are they willing to pay it?

Despite any deficiencies on the tenticular department, I liked the world-building here, which is likely the strongest element. There’s just enough information given about things became this way, that it doesn’t seem a fait accompli, and it feels like the author has a whole bestiary of weird and wonderful creations in her locker, ready to drop on Askari, as and when necessary. Getting rid of them, on the other hand, is a little less convincing, and is where Sieling struggles most. It’s a combination of questionable evolution – turns out the rarohan have a button on their backs which basically makes them explode – and too convenient contrivance, such as the fully-functioning gun one character suddenly pulls out of thin air. This weakens Askari significantly as a lead character.

It’s something of a shame, since she has many admirable attributes, being smart, inquisitive and in particular, having a questioning nature. She doesn’t accept that “the science is settled,” for example, in the blanket labelling of all monsters as bad. While this can certainly put her in needless peril, the knowledge gained seems likely to help both her and her group in the longer term. Sieling does a good job of telling a complete story here: while the ending clearly opens the door towards further adventures for Askari, it’s not a cliff-hanger, and should leave you feeling satisfied. I might not be willing to pay full price for further entries in the series, yet if I was to see a special offer or collection of them, I could be tempted into a purchase. Let’s just hope the tentacles show up…

Author: Ariele Sieling
Publisher: Independently published, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
Book 1 of 7 in the Land of Szornyek series.

Red Winter

  By

★½
“Snow good at all.”

Carla (Williams) and her boyfriend Daniel (Davis) are all set for a nice weekend in the mountains. Unfortunately, the snowmobile trip runs into difficulty, in particular coming in the shape of a pair of cartel assassins. What, you may ask, are a pair of cartel assassins doing half-way up a snowy mountain in [I’m guessing] the Colorado Rockies? Good question. I’m glad you asked. They are after a robber who made the ill-advised decision to rob a bar which was a front for their organization. He’s now hiding out, half-way up the aforementioned snowy mountain, in the belief he’s safe. Turns out not to be the case.

There’s a prologue which takes us back to when Carla was young, and was out hunting in the woods with her father. They wound a stag, and as they stand and watch it bleed out, we get ominous lines like, “Because when they’re fighting for their lives, sweet pea, they can be dangerous.” Just in case you missed the importance of this, we flash back to this flashback on repeated occasions during the movie. Because, it’s clearly Very Important. Except, it really isn’t. What it does, however, is help to drag things out before we get anything approaching action. It’s mostly people trudging around a mountainous landscape, very slowly, because one of the party has an injured ankle. This occupies much of the first fifty minutes – and we barely reach seventy before the end credits roll.

Carla is, above everything else, a very sensible heroine. She’s quite likeable as such, and comes over as smart, albeit cautious. The problem is, she simply does not get enough to do. These unrealistic expectations were based on a synopsis which reads, “With the killers stalking them through the bitter cold, Carla must use her survival skills taught to her by her father to ensure she’s the predator and not the prey in this bloody fight for survival.” The reality is something far less interesting, in that those skills are largely limited to her binding that ankle mentioned previously. This does not make for thrilling television. [It was made for BET, but feels like it would have been more at home on Hallmark, perhaps titled, The Wrong Mountain]

There’s certainly nothing particularly red about this winter. Except for the heroine, there’s nothing of merit or even, to be honest, real competence here. The script is meandering and unfocused, and most of the supporting characters fail to make an impression. A slight pass goes to Dante (Sanchez), the dominant assassin, who does have some presence. However, Daniel in particular is beyond useless. While this might have been deliberate, in an effort to make Carla look strong, it’s a flawed approach. You create a heroine by having her demonstrate strength, not others showing their weakness. That may seem obvious, but it’s apparently a lesson of which the makers here were unaware. Along with quite a number of others.

Dir: Steven C. Pitts
Star: Ashley A. Williams, Vernon Davis, Brandon Schaffer, Roberto Sanchez

Vengeance Served Cold

  By

★½
“More like undercooked. “

At the age of fifteen, Madison Michaels saw her prostitute mother beaten and killed by Renegade (Cross), a vicious local pimp. His homicide goes unpunished. Ten years later, Madison (Linton) is a counsellor, trying to help drug addicts and hookers get off the streets. She discovers that Renegade is still abusing women, and gets no help from the police, with Detective Straker (Williams) saying he can do nothing based on her hearsay. Against the advice of her friends and sister Lydia (Jeffries), Madison hatches a plan to take the pimp down, and clean the streets of thus piece of scum. Naturally, it doesn’t initially go quite as planned, with the trap set for Renegade backfiring, followed by betrayal from an unexpected direction. 

Even at seventy-five minutes long, this somehow manages to outstay its welcome in short order. On a shallow level, I eventually understood why Renegade may not have been prosecuted, yet the explanation falls far short of being fully convincing. It is still more than we get, in terms of a reason why Madison waited ten years before deciding to take any action. It’s not like she or Renegade went anywhere. Sure, she’s learning martial arts from her (not particularly awe-inspiring) sensei. Yet the level which she has reached doesn’t seem, for example, to reach any kind of critical threshold, such as the one necessary to take down a sadistic street thug with no moral qualms. In two minutes, I came up with a better plot: Madison went away, joined the army, and is now back, armed with the skills she needs to take on Renegade.

The poverty of the production too often gets in the way. Witness, for example, the penultimate scene, which was clearly filmed on a windy street, resulting in the dialogue being inaudible over the breeze rattling across the mics. Walmart sells a variety of wind covers for microphones at a cost of less than ten dollars. That this was, apparently, beyond the movie’s resources, tells you all you need to know. Similarly, the supposedly “brutal” death of the heroine’s mother consists of not much more than the actress lying on the floor with her eyes open. As a result, this rarely manages to approach a convincing depiction of life on the streets.

Some slight credit is due to Davis for exercising restraint on the soundtrack. It actually feels like it belongs to a proper film, rather than the director’s Spotify on random, as is usually the case in these films. This is not enough to overcome a script that simply does not have enough going on, even at the short duration present. There’s no particular sense of escalation, and what should have been the climactic face-off between Madison and – let’s remember, since the movie seems all but to forget this – the man who killed her mother in front of her, falls flatter than a day-old crepe. To continue the culinary metaphor of the title, I’m sending this one back to the kitchen.

Dir: Shaan Davis
Star: Kameka Linton, Aviator Cross, Chyrod Williams, Brandy Jeffries

Girls With Guns Calendars 2024

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Welcome to our 14th annual round-up of girls with guns calendars. We really need to get out more. :) It’s an indication that another year is nearly in the books. GWG-wise, it has been very quiet, with hardly any theatrical releases to speak of. More of that when we do our 2024 preview next month. Amusing to read last year’s round-up, where I talked excitedly about possibly moving to a different state in 2023. Didn’t happen. Still here. 2024, on the other hand… But I’ve learned my lesson, and will say nothing more predictive than “We’ll see…”

Personally, it has been a largely forgettable year, probably most memorable for experiencing kidney stones! That wasn’t fun, though compared to what I’ve read, could have been much worse. I was pleasantly distracted by the local baseball team failing to suck, and reaching the World Series, which was a nice surprise. I lost some weight, then put it all back on. The struggle is real. But when I come to write my autobiography (yeah, right!), 2023 isn’t going to merit much coverage.

On the calendar front, I wonder if the increased cost of printing has impacted the field, as it seems there are definitely fewer entries. The most obvious departure is Zahal Girls, who seem not to have produced anything for 2024, after being regulars since 2017. Given the current situation in Israel, it’s perhaps understandable. We also lost a couple of others, but we found some new ones – I think the overall net tally was only down one, so there are still plenty for your browsing pleasure.

Therefore, below, you’ll find prices (generally excluding shipping), sample images and links to purchase for all the calendars we could find. We’ll add more if we see them, feel free to email us if you know of any others. 

TAC GIRLS

Amazon link – $19.95 [though at time of going to press, there are some coupons on TacGirls.com]

The Tactical Girls® 2024 Bikini Calendar is our Best Girls and Guns Calendar yet, with 13 months of beautiful girls and exotic weaponry! Every 2024 Calendar comes with a 12X24 mini Poster of Cover Girl Hannah on the front that slides out of the calendar, no perforated tearing or staples to pull Tactical Girls® 2024 Bikini Gun Calendar starts in January of 2024 and brings you 13 months of beautiful women with some of the world’s most exotic weaponry in realistic tactical settings.

The Tactical Girls 2024 (17th Edition) Bikini Gun Calendar has 13 months (1/24-1/25) of Beautiful Girls and Exotic Weaponry! The 2024 Tactical Girls Calendar brings you 13 months of gorgeous models with some of the world’s most exotic weaponry in realistic tactical settings. The 2024 Tactical Girls Calendar includes three Cadex precision rifles, the Kel-Tec KSG .410, a reproduction of the Belgian FALO Heavy barrel FAL from DSA, a bullpup GM6 Lynx .50 BMG and the PKM Belt Fed Machine Gun!

These, along with a variety of AR-15 carbines, battle rifles, machine guns, pistols and sniper rifles make for a perfect Holiday gift for the Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Police Officer, Shooting Enthusiast, Hunter, Airsoft Player or History buff on your list. Fill that 2 foot square empty space on your Man Cave, garage, barracks or tent wall with 13 months of Girls and Guns. 100% produced and printed in the U.S.A. 10% of the print run of these calendars are donated to deployed soldiers and organizations that support them, notably AmericanSnipers.org.

GUNS AND GIRLS

GunsAndGirlsCalendar.com – $14.91

The 2024 GUNS AND GIRLS wall calendar is packed with beautiful pin up models and many of today’s most popular weapons, everything from handguns to AR-15’s. This 16 month large format calendar is 17″x 28″ when hung up and a perfect gift for any Armed Service Member, Police Officer or Shooting Enthusiast. Also includes a bonus 12 month poster inside giving you two calendars in one package! BRAND NEW 2024 JUMBO CALENDAR. When hung up calendar is an impressive 17″x 28″ Includes bonus 12 month poster!! Easily add style and functionality anywhere with these super cool posters!!

WEAPON OUTFITTERS

WeaponOutfitters.com – $39.69

After offering four items last year, WO seem to have gone back down to just the one item this year. Not a lot of information on the site about it. The description in full is “2024 NSFW Calendar. 12 months of girls and guns.” That’s it. I guess the accompanying picture is worth a thousand words?

DILLON PRECISION

DillonPrecision.com – $19.99

Weapons Outfitters, however, are positively voluble compared to Dillon Precision, who limit the description of their product to: “Dimensions: 13.5 X 26.5”. There you go!

WILD DAKOTA GIRLS

wilddakotagirls.com – $18.00

Hard to be 100% sure if this qualifies, since they only show the cover. But the video definitely shows Miss October holding a gun. This is good enough for me. :) A portion of profits benefits breast cancer charity. For an additional $25, you can also get access to the Wild Dakota Girls website.

THE JOY OF SHOOTING

JoyOfShooting.com – $27.99, also available in an autographed edition.

The best edition yet! Join me as we celebrate what we love about shooting and freedom! Your 2024 Joy of Shooting Calendar is filled with inspiring photography and carefully selected meaningful quotes to propel you successfully through your year. This is a LIMITED EDITION, so don’t delay. (More than half the remaining calendars are already bought by pre-order!). Published on high quality paper stock complete with wired binding and vibrant color! As with every year, a portion of the proceeds from all calendars will be donated to non-profits & veteran organizations like Operation Heal Our Patriots.

BULLETS AND BIKINIS

bikinicalendarstore.com – $19.99

12 Months in the Hottest Women in Shooting Sports. 11 x 17 When Opened

CCFR GUNNIE GIRL FUNDRAISING CALENDAR

firearmrights.ca – $19.99

This annual fundraising project by the CCFR Women’s Program is critical to financing ladies range days across Canada. Beautiful colour photos highlight real members with the coolest guns! Includes promotional poster (17×22 in.) and instructions on how to register your calendar for free prizes! 8.5 x 11 in. landscape format. Limited quantities available.

AIRSOFT GIRLS

Airsoftpro.cz – $20.25

Airsoft theme calendar for 2024. The calendar contains 14 photos of beautiful sexy women with airsoft guns – the opening, closing and 12 photos for each month of the year. The author of the calendar is the famous Czech photographer Filip Matušinský (www.matusinsky.cz). The dimensions of the calendar are 42 x 29,5 cm.

Grotesque

  By

★★
“Plastic surgery disaster.”

Mildred Moyer (Chamberlain) has a problem, and it’s as plain as the nose on her face. Actually, it is the nose on her face, which would not look out of place – as one callous workmate points out – on a certain wooden boy of fairy-tale renown. Needless to say, her life has been made unpleasant by cruel comments from strangers and acquaintances. Finally, she has had enough and goes to a shady plastic surgeon to get it fixed. Unsurprisingly, this goes wrong – the fact her appointment is at 11 pm in the basement of a strip-club might have been a clue – and she is left horribly disfigured as a result. This drives her over the edge, and she vows savage revenge on all those who had wronged her.

There’s a really weird tone to this. You would think, given the subject matter, that it would be a dark movie, but Rhiness seems to be aiming more for humour as the over-arching atmosphere. Now, there’s obviously an overlap for horror and comedy, but it’s a cross-pollination of genres which is hard to pull off. The likes of Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson and Stuart Gordon can do it. Rhiness… not so much. Indeed, if you told me you didn’t find this either horrific or funny, that would feel like fair comment. Occasional moments do briefly achieve a solid foot in either camp, in my opinion. But not for long, and none manage to combine them effectively.

It is clear that the director is going for parodic excess in many elements: Mildred’s nose is so extreme as to be a clear indicator of that, and a lot of the performances go down similarly broad lines. Her ultimate nemesis, Blanche (Whelan), could not be a more broad depiction of a “mean girl” if she tried, and I strongly suspect she was, indeed, trying for that. But I felt the switch in Mildred from meek and milquetoast to mass-murdering psychopath felt sudden and forced. Perhaps it was having watched Joker the previous night, which took its time to bring the audience along on that transition, rather than just going “Hey, it’s time for her to go berserk.”

The killings are a mixed bag, and that’s being kind. Even allowing for the low-budget some of the effects are simply not good enough. Again, the deaths don’t generate much of anything on the viewer, only occasionally going sufficiently over the top to be amusing. However, Rhiness and team do deserve credit for keeping things simple: the goals here are not exactly lofty, and the lack of ambition and pretension is likely for the best. Chamberlain also helps to keep the project’s head above water, and even when the story isn’t doing enough to sustain your attention, her performance is quirky and engaging. But I can’t help thinking the whole project would have been better off deciding to be either a horror film or a comedy, and sticking with one or the other.

Dir: Brandon Rhiness
Star: Elizabeth Chamberlain, Julie Whelan, Hudsynn Grace Kennedy, Jaime Hill