Author: Jim McLennan

Back in Action

  By

★★★
“Back to basics.”

The title could very well apply to star Diaz as well, since this is her first movie in over a decade. She retired in 2014 after Annie (which also starred Foxx), to focus on her family. But the actress, who will always be beloved here for her role in the best incarnation of Charlie’s Angels, was lured out for this genre mashup, which combines comedy, action, romance, family drama and thriller elements. She plays Emily, a former spy who retired fifteen years ago, and dropped out of sight. She’s now happily married to partner Matt (Foxx), with two teenage kids – the daughter being particularly obnoxious – and a house roughly the size of Vermont. Espionage must be a very lucrative business. 

This domestic bliss is, naturally, upended after the arrival of former handler Chuck (Chandler) with a warning, rapidly followed by assassins. Turns out, on their last mission, Matt lifted and subsequently hid, a device capable of controlling any electronic system. Everyone now wants to get their hands on this MacGuffin, which he stashed away on the estate of Emily’s estranged mother, Ginny (Close), back in England. Kids in tow, Matt and Emily have to drop off the grid, go there and secure the device before it falls into the hands of the bad guys, who intend to auction it off to the highest bidder. Needless to say, their children are surprised by this development. Not least the daughter, who was just grounded for using a fake ID.

Make no mistake, this is glossy, simple and unchallenging entertainment. But that’s perfectly fine. Not everything has to be significant or deep, and if this is unambitious, it doesn’t make it any less decent as something to throw on TV of a Sunday night. Diaz and Foxx both have charisma to spare, and together, their characters have a relationship which seems genuine. They love each other, while their children are stuck permanently in adolescent eye-roll mode, despising their parents taste in music, etc. It’s a salutory lesson, that in reality, Emily and Matt are far cooler, more interesting and highly skilled than their offspring would ever give them credit. The parent in me nods wisely at this family dynamic.

The action is decent, with some impressive bits of vehicular mayhem, and Diaz showing she can still move. But I particularly liked Ginny – I can only presume Helen Mirren was unavailable, as it’s a clone of her character from RED – and her charmingly ineffectual toy boy, Nigel (Jamie Demetriou). They deserve a franchise of their own. No less than nineteen writers were involved in the script. This has to be close to a record, and to be honest, you can tell, especially in the final act. There, things tend to become awfully convenient, as everybody whizzes around London in pursuit of the MacGuffin. With a bloated budget estimated at over $200 million, I’m just glad it wasn’t my money. I’ll happily take advantage of the results, however. 

Dir: Seth Gordon
Star:Cameron Diaz, Jamie Foxx, Kyle Chandler, Glenn Close

The Legend of Calamity Jane

  By

★★★½
“What the title says.”

Martha Jane Cannary Burke, a.k.a. “Calamity Jane” (1852-1903) was a lot of things. But most of all she was the inventor of her own legend. By the end of the 19th century, dime novels based off her alleged adventures already sold very well. Unfortunately, the foul-mouthed and constantly drunk former frontier woman could never benefit financially from her reputation, with which others earned good money. She died early, though already perceived as a legend of the “old West”. To divide which of the many stories told about her are true, and which are not, is a job for the historians, not mine. For a character who definitely provided a “fill in the gaps” hero’s template, it’s no surprise Calamity Jane soon became a mythic legend of the “Wild West”, combined with other illustrious characters of that time such as “Wild Bill” Hickok, Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, Billy the Kid and many others.

On the big screen, she has been portrayed by Jane Russell (The Paleface), Jean Arthur in The Plainsman, Doris Day in the beloved musical Calamity Jane, Angelica Huston (Buffalo Girls) and Ellen Barkin in Wild Bill (next to Jeff Bridges). On the small screen she could be seen, amongst others, in an episode of Bonanza, played by Stephanie Powers, and 3 seasons of Deadwood where Robin Weigert played a more modern and realistic version of her. As the Calamity Jane character is so prominent, and separate from the real person she once was, in a way similar to Robin Hood, the Musketeers, or Matthias Kohlhaas in Europe, it seemed only a matter of time until she would also find her way into an animated version of herself, which this series presents.

The Legend of Calamity Jane was a short-lived animated show that came out in 1997, a co-production of French TV channel Canal+ and The WB in America. The intent was to create something similar to the successful animated Batman show. Originally scheduled for 13 episodes, after just three weeks, the series vanished from the TV guides. While obviously not successful enough in the US, the full series ran as a dubbed version in several other countries. Over time, maybe partly due to not being available, the show developed a cult following.

Originally, Jennifer Jason Leigh was chosen to play Calamity, but for uncertain reasons was replaced by Barbara Scarf, who does a good and satisfying job. Though remembering the roles Leigh played, and her subsequent role as an evil criminal in Tarantino’s western The Hateful Eight, one wonders how her Calamity Jane would have sounded. But then Calamity is a true blue hero here, so maybe Leigh wouldn’t really have fit this version of the character.

The show itself takes place around 1876 and is great fun. Calamity Jane is an adult, red-haired and green-eyed woman, with a whip that regularly comes in handy for dangerous situations. She is serious-minded and on the side of the law, meaning whenever help is needed, she will be there. She has a horse called Dakota and drinks milk (hey, what do you expect – it’s made for kids!). Always on her side is old Joe Presto (Welker) who can best be described as her comic sidekick, though sometimes comes across a bit simple-minded. Also, I sometimes had problems understanding his mumbling, though you get used to it. Of course, when you tell the story of Calamity Jane, Wild Bill Hickok is never far away. In real life she claimed that they were a couple in Deadwood. though according to historians, this could easily be another made-up story, as she was famous for doing. In this show, he helps her from time to time and is voiced by Brown (the Kurgan from Highlander).

The stories are one-offs, concluding at the end of each week, and Calamity usually has to deal with villains or other problems. For example, in the first episode, she prevents a war between the Comanches and the army; in another one she brokers peace between a racist settler and the Blackfoot tribe. Some villains can be quite nasty, although I don’t recall her killing any of them. But others are less confrontational. In one story, she meets her long-lost father, and in another, she has to deal with a young girl who has run away from home, and wants to become like her.

Overall, the stories are entertaining and different enough, so they never fall into a pattern or get boring. Of course, what I liked especially was action scenes which were above what you might expect from a show at the end of the 90s. There really was no reason why the show failed to find an audience in the US. It definitely could have stood alongside Batman, and I personally think there would have been a place for both, as each were their own thing. Fortunately, the series has now been made available on DVD and Blu-Ray. Here’s hoping Calamity will find many new fans.

Dir: Pascal Morelli
Star (voice): Barbara Scaff, Frank Welker, Clancy Brown, Michael Horse

Abigail (2023)

  By

★★★½
“Heathers: the seventies remix.”

This is now the third film with the same title to be reviewed on the site: no vampires or Russian sorceresses to be found here. This does get an extra half star for genuinely surprising me. In the early stages, I had a strong feeling I knew exactly where this was going to end up going. Men bad, white people bad – and white men? Well, they’re the worst of all. Call it a spoiler perhaps – we’ll get to those – but that is definitely not how this unfolds. It takes place in 1976 Alabama, where teenager Abigail Cole (Cantrell) and her mother Eve (Lynch) have just moved from California. It’s clear this was to get away from “something”.  Exactly what is unclear, but it seems to have had something to do with Abigail’s father.

She makes friends with Lucas (Reed-Brown), who lives next door and is the victim of bullies at school. Initially, Abigail’s behaviour is positively heroic, defending Lucas from his tormentors. Though the film never makes mention of it, Lucas is black. You feel this might have been an issue in seventies Alabama, but the insults hurled at Lucas are entirely of the f-word rather than the n-word, an interesting choice. Anyway, Abigail proves more than capable of taking care of both of them, wielding a baseball-bat, fire extinguisher and axe-handle to good effect.

[Spoilers] However, things are entirely upended when further incidents make it abundantly clear that Abigail is not a heroic vigilante, defender of the oppressed, so much as a psychopath who revels in the opportunity to use violence against others. I did not see that coming. From this point on, just about everything is reversed, because the character for whom you’ve been rooting the entire time, is now the villainess. Conversely, the local cop, who seemed the epitome of racist law-enforcement, turns out to be sympathetic to Lucas and his apparent plight. However, things only cascade further into darkness as we continue on. The truth about Abigail’s missing father comes out, and the body count continues to increase, as efforts are made to clear up the previous corpses. [End spoilers]

There are some plot-holes here: given Abigail and Lucas were hauled into the principal’s office for an incident involving one bully, they would (Lucas particularly, even if Abigail was discounted through seventies sexism) surely be prime suspects in his subsequent disappearance. However, I am prepared to cut it some slack, due to the glorious one-eighty pulled off in the middle, which can only be applauded. Credit in particular to Cantrell’s performance: I’m sure if you go back and watch it again, you would be able to spot the clues to her personality in the earlier scenes. However, I’ve a feeling the impact would likely be less on subsequent viewings, where you know what’s coming. This is likely to be a “one and done” for me, which is why it doesn’t get a seal of approval. Albeit a highly satisfactory “one”.

Dir: Melissa Vitello
Star: Ava Cantrell, Tren Reed-Brown, Hermione Lynch, Gene Farber

The Gorge

  By

★★★½
“Falling – in love again.”

This was more entertaining than I expected, and managed in a number of ways to overcome its limitations. From reviews, I was expecting it to be more a romance with occasional monsters. In reality though, it’s more a monster movie with occasional romance. The set-up revolves around a canyon in a remote area, of uncertain location and provenance. Since the end of World War II, the East and West have tacitly co-operated, in a project even their leaders don’t know about, to ensure that what’s in there, doesn’t get out. To this end, automated defense systems have been set up, monitored by one person from each side, on each side of the chasm, and replaced annually.

The latest pair are former US sniper Levi Kane (Teller) and Lithuanian counterpart, Drasa (Taylor-Joy). In what’s probably an accidentally damning indictment about the perils of putting women in front-line situations, Levi ends up zip-lining across the gorge, for a slice of her rabbit pie (if you know what I mean, and I think you do… but also for literal rabbit pie). Heading back, his line snaps, plummeting him into the danger zone below. Drasa immediately goes after him. They subsequently find out what’s in there, the truth about where it came from, and why they are guarding it. It’s not fun. The fate of the man Levi relieved (Dirisu) points towards that, and the presence of Sigourney Weaver as his boss is nicely ironic.

To be honest, the specifics are perhaps a little disappointing, being the kind of human malfeasance we’ve seen in SF/horror too often. After the ominous suggestion it’s a literal gate to hell, the actual answer left me a bit, “Is that it?” However, the makers have done a really nice job of creating the location, which is entirely convincing. The creatures crawling out of it are imaginative and icky too, although I would have like to see some more of the non-humanoid ones. There’s a point where I thought it was going to become that scene in Peter Jackson’s King Kong, which would have been nice. Still, there’s no shortage of mayhem once things kick off, and the 127 mins gallop past.

You could argue Teller is the lead, but I would say they are genuine co-stars: the film needs both of them in order to function. After her turn in Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, Taylor-Joy definitely seems to be positioning herself as an action heroine. She does well here, although her Lithuanianicity (is that a word?) is a little in question, and overall I still put Samara Weaving ahead of Taylor-Joy. It is a bit of a shame this went straight to streaming, since it has more big-screen presence than many theatrical releases. You’ll perhaps have questions about some aspects, but if you’re like me, you won’t think of these until after the final credits have rolled – a good sign that the film has kept you engaged.

Dir: Scott Derrickson
Star: Anya Taylor-Joy, Miles Teller, Sigourney Weaver, Sope Dirisu 

Buffalo Girls

  By

★★★½
“Certainly no calamity.”

Calamity Jane is one of the larger-than-life figures who populated the Wild West in its later days, as it was gradually becoming civilized. The truth about who she was is hard to determine, with verifiable facts hard to come by. But like Robin Hood, this just makes her raw clay, to be moulded into whatever shape writers and film-makers want. In Jane’s case this means her over the decades being played by anyone from Jane Russell through Doris Day to, here, Anjelica Huston. This version of her story, originally a TV miniseries in two parts from 1995, is based on a book by Larry McMurtry. I’ve not read it, but by most accounts, it’s mostly an elegy to the death of the old West and its people.

This doesn’t feel quite as depressing, though certainly nods to the end of the frontier ways. Jane here is a down-to-earth figure, whom we first see working with the forces of General Custer. Fortunately, she avoids meeting the same fate, though tragedy hits in a different way, with the murder of Wild Bill Hickok (Sam Elliott, basically re-running his Tombstone character). Jane had long held a candle for him, but never managed quite to tell him. However, their relationship leaves her with a child, which she gives up for adoption to a rich family. Years later, she discovers her daughter is back in England, and joins the circus of Buffalo Bill (Coyote), to travel across the ocean in the hope of being reunited.

This thread is fine, with a tremendous cast doing good work, also including Jack Palance, an early role for Liev Schreiber, and Reba McEntire as sharp-shooter Annie Oakley [in my head canon, she’s playing the great-grandmother of her character in Tremors] I doubt how historically accurate it is: while Buffalo Bill’s show did play in London, I’ve not found anything to indicate Jane was with them (Oakley, however, was part of the show), and certainly not shooting up an English pub! But the old saw, “Print the legend” is likely applicable here, and I’m always willing to cut cinematic biography some factual slack, in the interests of making its story-telling more effective.

Less successful is the secondary plot, involving brothel madam Dora DuFran (Griffith), who again did exist, and her true love Ted Blue (Byrne), who did not. I was particularly annoyed how Dora repeatedly refused Ted’s proposals of marriage, preferring to retain her freedom… then got very upset after he married someone else, and even got hitched to someone herself (the short-term spouse being played by Schreiber). Either be with someone or not. They’re not a puppy on a leash for you to jerk around, and your history is not their problem. Every scene with the pair was a waste of time, and I was left wondering if I could create a ninety-minute supercut of the film, which removes them from the film as far as possible. I suspect it would be an improvement.

Dir: Rod Hardy
Star: Anjelica Huston, Melanie Griffith, Gabriel Byrne, Peter Coyote 

Knockout Blessing

  By

★★★
“Punches above its weight.”

Always a pleasure to cross another country off the map, and this is the first movie we have ever reviewed here from Nigeria. Indeed, entries from anywhere in Africa have been very limited, and in general, I found this a pleasant surprise. In some countries, film-makers appear to be trying simply to imitate Hollywood. That’s not the case here: this feels Nigerian, and is all the more entertaining as a result. What it may lack in hardcore action, was made up for me by the glimpse it provided into local culture. The differences are what gave this flavour – though as we’ll see, it appears we are united by a general disdain for politicians and their behaviour!

It begins in a small village where Blessing (Laoye) is the grand-daughter of a boxer, who has brought her up and certainly passed on his skills, leaving Blessing fully deserving of her titular nickname. However, after she punches out the son of a rich local, who was attempting to force himself on her, and he dies as a result, her father is killed by a mob, and she is forced to flee to the city. There, she falls in with a group of hookers, including Hannah (Meg Otanwa) and Oby (Ejiofor). They end up working for low-level gangster Dagogo (Franklin), honey-trapping men whom Blessing then knocks unconscious so they can be robbed. Her goal is to raise funds which Dagogo says he will use to get her a passport to America.

When this shows little signs of happening, Blessing grows reluctant, so Dagogo says he needs just one last job. It’s a high-risk, high-reward job, to steal some diamonds from the notorious Gowon (Adedoyin). Naturally, as “one last jobs” do, it goes wrong. While they get the case, it instead contains a hard drive, with a very incriminating video, depicting the President of Nigeria… Well, let’s just say, there’s a goat involved. [Told you there’s no love lost for politicians] Needless to say, both Gowon and the President are extremely keen to get the drive back, and will stop at nothing to do so. This leaves Blessing and her pals trying to get it to a friendly journalist and online, before the loose ends they represent are tidied up.

This was consistently entertaining. My (admittedly limited) experience of Nollywood left my expectations low, and this surpassed them on most levels: the script, performances and direction are all fine. Credit Adedoyin in particular, whose suit-wearing Gowon becomes a very convincing and menacing villain. It’s never dull, and no special knowledge of Nigerian life and culture is needed here. I did wish more use had been made of Blessing’s pugilistic talents. There’s a significant chunk in the middle, where it feels like the movie forgets about its heroine. Blessing did enough in the early going to win our affections, and she deserves better than to be sidelined. I was still left with an interest in seeing more Nigerian cinema, and that’s not what I expected on the way in.

Dir: Dare Olaitan
Star: Ade Laoye, Bucci Franklin, Ademola Adedoyin, Linda Ejiofor

The Queen of Villains

  By

★★★★½
“Hard-hitting, and hitting hard.”

Not long ago, I tagged Black Doves as the best television of 2024. If I’d seen this before December 31, it would have beaten it out. It’s a top-tier depiction of the world of Japanese women’s professional wrestling in the eighties, weaving truth, fiction and legend together in a way that’s highly effective – probably even if you’re not a particular fan of sports entertainment.  It’s the story of Kaoru Matsumoto (Retriever), who escaped a dysfunctional family to join All Japan Women’s Pro Wrestling (AJW). Initially struggling to achieve success, she found her niche as nightmare villain Dump Matsumoto, feuding with former friend Chigusa Nagoya (Grace), until the pair faced off in a legendary, brutal battle, destined to lead to public humiliation for one of them.

We all know professional wrestling is staged, with the outcomes predetermined, right? [Do not used the word “fake”: I will cut you!] Here, things are… murkier. This treads a delicate line between that and kayfabe, the wrestling term for promoting it as reality, and genuine competition. The stance here is interesting, suggesting that while those in charge, like promoter Toshikuni Matsunaga (Saitoh), can have a result in mind, that relies on those in the ring agreeing to it. This isn’t always the case [one wrestling show I remember attending definitely had a genuine fight, for backstage reasons], and here, Matsumoto is a loose cannon, prepared to go to any lengths to put herself over. Or her character: the lines are certainly blurred here, to the point of near invisibility.

What matters, is that the audience believed it was real, to the point that Matsumoto received death threats as the feud intensified. It’s perhaps hard to understand just how popular AJW was, but their TV shows were getting considerably bigger ratings in Japan at its peak, than WWE or WCW were during the Monday Night Wars. It was a true cultural phenomenon – oddly, with teenage girls at the front of fandom. Nagayo and tag partner Lioness Asuka (Goriki), known as the Crush Gals, were basically Taylor Swift: they actually had a successful music career. Below, you can see the video of the real match mentioned, between Nagayo and Matsumoto. I defy you to find any wrestling bout, anywhere, where the crowd were so utterly into it.

The show does a fabulous job of capturing this, and the bouts as well are very well-staged – the real Nagayo worked as a technical advisor. Wrestling at the time was very different from what it is now, especially for women, and Matsumoto’s brutal style was unprecedented. She could chew up and spit out current WWE champion Rhea Ripley, using her as a tooth-pick. Indeed, it feels as if the final match is the dramatic pinnacle, and should end the fifth and final episode. It doesn’t and it feels like it’s heading for an anti-climax thereafter, until recovering [while not mentioned, it’s caused by AJW’s rule that wrestlers had to retire at age twenty-six!] But the drama behind it also has a great deal of nuance, depicting her troubled family life, and willingness to do whatever was necessary for her career.

This came at personal cost – not least her friendship with Nagayo. But it also affected her relationship with her family, in particular her mother and sister. Matsumoto initially wanted to become a wrestler, so she could protect them from her abusive and alcoholic father, but in the end, even her family were not safe from the ripples of her in-ring “villainy”. It all works on multiple levels, and provoked genuine emotions in me, to a degree rarely managed by any TV show, least of all one based on (lightly fictionalized) reality. Towards the end, the promoter lets a young girl in to see the show, and I was left wondering whether this was perhaps intended to be someone like Manami Toyoya, the greatest woman wrestler of all-time.

Another series, perhaps The Queen of Heroines? We can but hope. 

Creator: Osamu Suzuki
Star: Yuriyan Retriever, Victoria Grace, Takumi Saitoh, Ayame Goriki

Kill Craft

  By

★★
“More kill than craft.”

There is potential in the idea here. It’s a shame it ends up feeling like two separate movies, both of which come out feeling under-cooked. The main focus is on Marina Delon (Loutsis), a teenage girl with the typical teenage girl problems, e.g. bickering parents, generally sullen demeanour, etc. Except, her dad Thomas (Paré) is actually an assassin, working for the very strange Poe (Oberst). This has contributed to the marital strife, because his work is why mom is in a wheel-chair – and is not happy about it, to put it mildly. However, things are up-ended after Thomas is killed on a job, and Marina decides to take over the family business.

Thee are a few interesting directions this could perhaps have gone. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take any of them. Instead, things rumble vaguely on, with Marina doing not very exciting murders for hire, sometimes with the help of her Gother than thou BFF Freya (Eggleston), and to varying success. Such as trying to kill the estranged wife of a gangster, which only results in a bit of flirty chit-chat with the target’s son. Communication with Poe is entirely through dead-drops, so he has no idea his assassin is now a teen girl, until his boss informs him descriptions of the killer no longer resemble Michael Paré. Poe decides to tidy up the loose ends, by terminating what remains of the family.

Why it feels like two films, is mostly because the director can’t seem to commit to whether it should be Marina’s story or Poe’s. It could have been both, adopting a Leon-esque approach of Poe taking her under his wing. However, the two barely share a few seconds of screen-time before the final shootout. Instead, we get unconvincing family drama, e.g. Marina being upset her father isn’t attending the recital at which she is unconvincingly playing the violin, or even weirder stuff such as Poe digging up the grave of his dead mother. I’d actually have been fine with more of the latter – few do unrepentantly weird better than Oberst [he has done a one-man stage show adapting Edgar Allen Poe stories, incidentally, giving resonance to his character name here], and he’s much better an actor than Loutsis.

For whatever reason, I kept expecting some dramatic twist, such as Freya being a figment of Marina’s imagination. I mean, we first meet the pair digging animal graves behind her house, which sets an odd tone for the film from the beginning. The fact Marina and Poe both… have issues, is another way this could have developed. But once we’ve established Marina is taking over – and with remarkable vagueness on the details there – the film more or less grinds to a halt, dramatically and thematically. With action sequences which are no more than competent, despite some gore which is occasionally amusingly excessive, this is one you can afford to miss, despite Oberst’s best efforts.

Dir: Mark Savage
Star: Sanae Loutsis, Isis Eggleston, Michael Paré, Bill Oberst Jr.

Hacked Into The Game, by Saul Tanpepper

  By

Literary rating: ★★½
Kick-butt quotient: ☆½

The literary rating is mostly down to the sluggish way in which this gets going. Though having subsequently discovered this is the first in a fourteen volume series, it’s perhaps understandable if the author decided to slow-play things in the early stages. Still, as a standalone read, it definitely takes a while to get to the good stuff. By which I mean, human vs. zombie action. This takes place well after the zombie apocalypse, with the epidemic having been contained, and indeed, commodified, Zombies are kept in a formerly infected area of Long Island, now cordoned off to the public, where a company called Arc Entertainment allows the very rich to control them through implants, and fight to the (un)death.

There are other elements too, though these don’t have a significant role in this volume. For instance, everyone is mandated to have a “kill switch” fitted in their head, for use by the government if there were to be another outbreak. Or, after death, you can be resurrected as a zombie and conscripted into the military, or other public service. I presume these will come into play in later volumes. Here, it’s the story of Jessie Daniels and her friends, moderately disaffected young people who decide to break into the restricted zone on Long Island, for a variety of reasons, from boredom to a desire to hack the game from the inside. Needless to say, the expedition does not go smoothly.

As noted, it takes a while to get there. In fact, they don’t even reach Long Island before the 62% mark (all hail Kindle readers!), with much of the opening two-thirds taken up with interpersonal relationship, prep work for the expedition, or world building. It’s not dull, but for a franchise called Zpocalypto, I was expecting rather more… well, pocalypto, I guess. Or, indeed, more Z, with the first one we encounter in real-time, again, not showing up until they’re swimming through the tunnel to Long Island. To be frank, I was seriously wondering if this would qualify for inclusion here to the eighty percent (hail Kindle!) point, hence the low K-BQ.

However, it then goes from 0-60 in about two pages, and basically doesn’t let up thereafter. Jessie and her expedition “buddy” Jake find themselves cornered in a gas station, from which they first have to extricate themselves, reunite with the rest of their party, and head back to the mainland. None of which is easy. Fortunately, she had received some weapons training from her grandfather when Jessie was young, and that certainly comes in handy against the hordes of undead who have suddenly popped up. That in itself poses questions, which I imagine are answered… at some point over the thirteen subsequent volumes. Yeah. While I get the need for an author to pace themselves, Tanpepper (a fabulous pseudonym, incidentally) needs to do a better job of grabbing the audience’s attention out of the gates.

Author: Saul Tanpepper
Publisher: Independently published, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
Book 1 of 14 in the Zpocalypto series.

Azrael

  By

★★★★
“Hell on Earth.”

If I see a more relentless and brutal film in 2025, I’m going to be quite surprised. This doesn’t let up, with people being eaten alive, impaled, decapitated and slitting their own throats when they realize the horror of… Well, let’s leave that to the film to divulge, shall we? I must say, you should probably read the first sentence of the Wikipedia synopsis, because there is a lot there, which the film does not explain. Admittedly, this is in part because it contains almost no dialogue, and there are a number of elements which feel near impossible to show, rather than tell. You don’t need to know them to enjoy this. But they will certainly answer some questions. 

What the film has is a mute woman, Azrael (Weaving) and her boyfriend,  Kenan (Stewart-Jarrett), getting captured by an equally silent cult in a forest. The time and era is uncertain, but they do have working cars, so it seems fairly contemporary. They want to sacrifice her to dark, humanoid creatures which inhabits the woods, but she is able to escape back into the wilderness. She attempts to return, so she can rescue her boyfriend, and encounters the group’s spiritual leader, the pregnant Miriam (Sonne). After failing to save Kenan, and narrowly escaping from the dark creatures more than once, as well as getting buried alive, Azrael vows to take bloody and fiery revenge on the cult, and also discovers the true nature of Miriam’s pregnancy. 

I don’t want to send Eva Green or Milla Jovovich out to the Sunnyside Retirement Home quite yet. But when they do decide go to the farm upstate, Samara Weaving might be best-placed to replace them. In Guns Akimbo, Ready or Not and now this, she has shown the ability to compel the viewer’s attention, even if the film might not be the greatest. She does it again here, despite doing the acting equivalent of having one hand tied behind her back, robbed of emoting with her voice. I can’t think of many current actresses who could pull such a trick off with such apparent ease, and help make what is admittedly a gimmick, feel surprisingly like a natural scenario.

She becomes quite the bad-ass over the course of proceedings as well. It’s not clear whether she was initially, since we get no real information regarding her previous history. But she needs to be, in order to survive against the monsters in the woods, who are among the creepiest things I’ve seen in a while. By the end, she’s enthusiastically hacking her way through what appear to be her former allies, although the ending is… ambivalent. I suspect there’s a lot of religious back-story here – Azrael is the angel of death in Islam [It’s also the name of Gargamel’s cat in The Smurfs, but that’s probably less relevant!] There’s scope here for an entire feature before this, plus likely one after, and I’d watch both. Just a shame it got buried on a second-tier streaming service like Shudder.

Dir: E.L. Katz
Star: Samara Weaving, Vic Carmen Sonne, Nathan Stewart-Jarrett, Katariina Unt