Tag: b

Broken Oath

  By

★★★★
“Lady Snowblood, Hong Kong edition”

I guess, the old saying “just there for Godzilla” definitely applies to me. This movie is far from perfect, but as long as I see some skilled fighters in fancy costumes battling it out, I’m in. Additional points are given if the respective dub is at least tolerable. Broken Oath is actually an interesting movie. It is kind of a remake of Japanese classic Lady Snowblood with Meiko Kaji from 1973. The difference is that this Golden Harvest production, from producer Raymond Chow, stars Angela Mao.

She was probably the biggest female martial arts star at the time in Asian movies and had the status of a female Bruce Lee. She had starred with Lee in Enter the Dragon and one-time James Bond George Lazenby in two other movies, and also worked with classic directors like Chang Cheh and King Hu. Some of her famous films include Lady Whirlwind, When Taekwondo Strikes, Hapkido, The Fate of Lee Khan and many others. In the seventies. she could hardly walk down a street without being instantly recognized.

Broken Oath was to be her last movie for Golden Harvest which is quite inexplicable because she was a major star – did they let her go or was that her own decision? After that, she began working in Taiwanese movies with obviously lesser budgets. She lasted in movies for quite some time until the early 90s when she retired from film business. In a way it’s a pity that her golden era more or less ended in the 1970s, considering the success stars such as Michelle Yeoh, Jackie Chan, Jet Li or Donnie Yen would later enjoy – and continue to do so – in the West.

Broken Oath follows the story beats of Lady Snowblood quite closely – until it slowly becomes its own thing. It’s comparable to how Temptress of a Thousand Faces freely emulated the French Fantomas movies of the sixties. Like the Japanese original, it starts with a woman sent to prison where she gives birth to a child. On her death-bed she reveals her story of how her husband, General Liu, was killed by a gang of hoodlums; after resisting a rape attempt by one of them, she was sent to prison because the police didn’t believe her. 

She gives birth to a girl and asks her “sisters” (inmates) to take care of the child, and to raise it to take revenge for the death of her parents. Instead, one of them, subsequently referred to as the girl’s godmother, gives her to a Buddhist nunnery with the blessings of the abbess who doesn’t think that the cycle of violence should continue. In the English dub, the little girl is called “Lotus”; the subtitles call her Jie Lian, though her original name was Xiao Mei. In any case, she has violent tendencies, though for some unspecified reason these Buddhist scholars are constantly fighting when not listening to the wisdom of Buddha. Lotus ends up killing three drifters in the wood when they try to rape her.

As she has “broken her oath” (to Buddha, I guess), she has to leave the nunnery and goes to live with her godmother, from whom she learns how to become a pickpocket and gets to know her friend and colleague Ah Shu. From there on, the movie loses connection to the original movie which I see as a good thing. Jie Lian finds the murderers, though the plot is essentially hardly more than the bones of a story, rather than a fully fleshed-out narrative. It unnecessarily complicates itself with the introduction of new characters and side-stories, but in the end the overall simplicity is indeed for the better of the movie.

For some time, I wondered if this movie was really worth my attention: I just wanted to see Angela Mao show me how hard and high she could kick. Fortunately, the film didn’t let me down. But it has to be said, it needed more than half of the movie until the whole martial arts machinery kicked – as it were! – into high gear. After being saved by an old, wise man named Qi Feng from the poisonous dust of one opponent. and his subsequent death at the hands of uber-villain Zhao Cai (both took part in the raid on Jie Lian’s parents, with Qi Feng now getting redemption by saving Lotus), things escalated quite quickly.

I have to say, I personally still prefer the melancholic elegiac beauty of Lady Snowblood and Meiko Kaji’s unmistakable charisma (I’m aware that Jim gave that movie a low rating, but for me that Japanese chanbara movie is an absolute high-ranking classic. To each their own, as they say), but the sheer number of ideas that this movie here bombards you with is remarkable. Let’s see… Steel claws as weapons; a liquid, one villain uses to spit fire and burn his victims to death; blades on a string used like a yo-yo. by an opponent played by Sammo Hung; a hat that goes over the whole head of Master Yun (later revealed to be Zhao Cai); sword fights; butterfly needles; group attacks, attack scorpions; and secret passages through stone caves hidden behind book shelves.

Really, the last 30-40 minutes of this go like gangbusters! I only wish the first half of the movie would have been like that, too. Granted, a story needs time to be built up, but let’s be honest: there is not much of a story here. Just the outspoken will for revenge, and that only happens after the godmother tells Lotus about her past. It is revealed at the end that the villains had planned to overthrow the government 20 years ago; General Liu discovered their treachery and was therefore killed. Better a good reason late than never, I guess. These things can’t quite disguise some carelessness in the story-development.

For example, Ah Shu seemed to be built up as a love interest. But he is killed off in a way, as well as the heroine’s reaction to it, which is so casual I wondered why he was even in the story. There is another character supposedly killed – silly me, believing that – who is suddenly back there to support the combatants in their fight again. The whole “she is poisoned and has to be cured” episode feels like a pointless story element, with no good reason except for extending the movie’s run time (admittedly I saw the theatrical version at 98 minutes; there is an extended version around 5 minutes longer), and giving Mao the chance to lay down and take a short break.

The actors here… well, they are Chinese actors in seventies wuxia and act accordingly. One shouldn’t expect Oscar-worthy performances here. The evil villains are evil and the rest of the actors hardly make much of an impression. Angela Mao is adequate as expected, though of course I’m more interested in her fighting skills than her acting talents. She moves elegantly and swiftly and I do believe she can fight off and kill more than half a dozen men, attacking her all at once. She is great “hero material”, and I applaud every action of hers. But I can hardly detect any burning pain underneath, or an insatiably hot appetite for revenge. Comparing that with the painful, tragic, almost longing for death portrayal of Kaji might be unjust. But it is also inevitable.

Of course, the dubbing doesn’t help. Yes, one should see movies like this in the original language version with subtitles, but I prefer a dub when I can get one. I don’t know from when this one comes (possibly the movie’s release in 1977), but the performances aren’t Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster acting, to say the least. I’m just happy to get lip-synched dialogue. It mostly plays inside buildings, temples or halls, giving the impression this is first and foremost a studio production. There are only a few scenes on location, though these are nice to look at. While I don’t rank the movie lower for it, I liked the beautiful, natural surroundings of Lady Snowblood much more. It’s just a matter of taste.

That said, as a whole I liked the production design, which makes you feel that the movie’s budget went into it, along with the historical Chinese costumes and some effects. It’s in contrast to Mao’s later Taiwanese films, where I can confirm she was working on a notably lower quality standard. This movie definitely has its qualities. As an old saying (incorrectly attributed to Oscar Wilde) goes: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”. This might be true not only for Lady Snowblood, which Quentin Tarantino paid tribute to in Kill Bill – Vol. 1,  but also for Broken Oath, as the fight between Sammo Hung and Angela Mao is definitely mirrored in the one between Chiaki Kuriyama and Uma Thurman.

Dir: Chang-hwa Jeong
Star: Angela Mao, Michael Wai-Man Chan, Siu-Lung Leung, Shan Kwan

The Ballerina

  By

★★
“Not particularly on point.”

Here’s a real obscurity. 18 years old, and yet still with a mere seven votes on the IMDb. There, I had to find it by going through the director’s name, as the title brought up nothing. To be fair, it’s not even the best-known film of the year, because some guy called David Lynch made a short called Ballerina in 2007. But it turns out to be an early work from Mauser, whose Lady Outlaw we covered earlier in January. That was certainly better – as it should be, coming almost two decades later, the director having made a good forty (!) features since. It doesn’t look like his budgets have increased much, but Outlaw does a better job of working within it.

Here, the ballerina is Tara, a ten-year-old girl who sees her parents ruthlessly gunned down because of their connection to the Capello crime family. She vows to find and kill whoever was responsible, and is brought up by her big brother Angelo (Jasso). He trains her in the ways of his own profession, as a hitman for the Capellos. Eight years later, Tara (Nutting) still has not been able to take her revenge, and is studying dance at college, while working alongside Angelo. She gets a visit from the mysterious Ruby (Young), a near-legendary figure in the underworld, who offers to tell Tara who killed her parents, if she helps fix things to his advantage. But she may not like what she is told. 

Mauser clearly subscribes to the notion that talk is cheap, for it is very chatty. Sometimes, this is ok: Young has a presence which commands the listener’s attention. But too often it comes off as a bad Tarantino wannabe – and even a good Tarantino wannabe would be on thin ice. Witness the lengthy early discussion about smoking, which had me wishing I had a knitting needle to jab into my ears. Fortunately, nothing thereafter is quite as terrible. However, it’s a film more interested in telling, rather than showing. There’s a corrupt female cop (Posas) in the mix, and I liked the way all the police station scenes were shot in shadow. Clearly to hide that they couldn’t afford a set, yet it works well enough. 

The action is no great shakes, with Nutting being slow and having a limited set of moves. Certainly, there’s little or no indication of the expected balletic grace. She seems about as much a dancer as I am: I won’t see fifty again, and my knees aren’t what they used to be. Jasso comes off like you ordered Joe Mantegna on Temu, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, It all builds to an ending which strongly suggests Mauser is a big fan of The Usual Suspects in addition to Tarantino. As a pastiche of better film-makers, it’s just about okay, though the ten-year-old version of the heroine may be the most disturbingly intense thing this has to offer. 

Dir: Brett William Mauser
Star: :Amanda Nutting, Matthew Jasso, DeMarcus Young, Valerie Posas

Ballerina (2025)

  By

★★★★½
“If the ballet slipper fits…”

When I reviewed Furiosa, I discussed how action heroine films have been having a tough time at the box-office since before COVID-19. Add another data point to that decline, with the underwhelming performance of Ballerina. Or, to give it its clunky and excessive full title (for the first and only time), From the World of John Wick: Ballerina. Which – much like Furiosa – is a real shame, because it’s top-tier stuff. The critics liked it (76% on Rotten Tomatoes) and those who saw it, liked it too (93% audience score there). But it just did not seem to connect in a large-scale way with the cinema-going public, and will struggle to cover its $90 million budget, not excessive by today’s standards. 

Admittedly, it was a rather troubled production. Filming began all the way back in November 2022, and it was in post-production the following February. But a year later, word came out that additional shooting under John Wick director Chad Stahelski was taking place. There’s uncertainty how significant those were. Suggestions that much of the film was redone have been denied by both Stahelski and Wiseman, who said they were actually due to the studio providing them with additional resources. This allowed them to add scenes, such as the opening depicting the death of the heroine’s father. But regardless, the extra work was certainly a factor in the film being pushed back a full twelve months from its original release date of June 2024.

To be honest though, I really couldn’t tell based on the end product. I have read a lot of criticism suggesting, in brief, “Nobody asked for this.” While that’s dumb – nobody asked for John Wick either – there is an element of truth in it. If they wanted a spin-off, they might have been better using Sofia Al-Azwar, the existing character played by Halle Berry, who was key to one of the best scenes in John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum. It’s worth noting, the script by Shay Hatten, written back in 2017, was not originally part of the Wick universe (although Hatten was inspired by the trailer for John Wick 2), and subsequently got tooled into it. But I wonder, how often are spin-off movies ever successful? Ok, except the Minions franchise. 

It’s not the first effort to expand the Wick-iverse which has fallen short either. In 2023, they made a TV mini-series The Continental, which… Um, well… We watched the first episode? You’re certainly left to wonder what might happen about the other spin-off film, focused on Caine, the blind swordman played by Donnie Yen in John Wick 4. We love Yen, and have since the days of In the Line of Duty IV, over 35 years ago. But he has a much lower profile in the West than Ana de Armas, and the appetite for films “from the world of John Wick” which do not have Wick front and center, certainly appears to be muted. Enough about such coarse, commercial considerations. How is Ballerina as a movie?

In this world, there are two specific tribes of assassins. The Ruska Roma, who are structured and orderly, and another group, known as the Cult, who are anarchic and savage. Lawful Neutral and Chaotic Evil, for those who know their D&D alignments. The two groups don’t get along, but generally tolerate each other, basically agreeing to go their separate ways and not interfere, under the current leadership of the Director (Huston) and the Chancellor (Byrne) respectively. A decade or so ago, there was Romeo and Juliet-style romance across the divided houses, resulting in the birth of Eve. When her parents tries to leave their factions, both are killed, her father dying in front of her after being killed by the Cult. She is then brought up in the Ruska Roma.

Eve (de Armas) is trained both as an assassin and a ballerina, although the latter is never of any real significance. On one of her missions, she encounters a Cult member and realizes they are responsible for killing her father. Against the express wishes of the Director, she goes in search of them, finding their headquarters in the remote (and very lovely) Austrian town of Hallstatt, and chewing her way through the Cult towards the Chancellor. But when the Director hears about Eve’s quest for vengeance, posing a threat to the uneasy truce between the Ruska Roma and the Cult, she sends a certain J. Wick (Reeves) after her, to restore the balance and keep the peace. 

It’s borderline awesome, and on occasion, there’s no “borderline” about it. Let’s just say, I will now be looking into acquiring a flamethrower for home defense. Ok, I should explain. There’s a scene where Eve and one of the Cult members have a – bold font, capital letters, please – DUEL WITH FLAMETHROWERS. It’s every bit as epic and wonderful as that sounds, and it escapes me how they could possibly have achieved it, without reducing the entire stunt team to charcoal briquettes. That’s just the action highlight in a film which has a number of them. I was also impressed with the nightclub sequence – is this obligatory for every film in the Wick-iverse? – of Eve’s first mission, as much for the thumping techno tunes, as for the high-quality fisticuffs. 

I do say, some elements feel under-developed, and I wonder if they were a result of the adjustments made during production. The character of Daniel Pine (Norman Reedus), seems particularly an afterthought, not least the fact he’s supposed to be the Chancellor’s son. Adding John Wick in does feel like an unnecessary afterthought and, to be honest, smells a little of desperation. It’s just not necessary, because de Armas is capable of carrying things. This is likely, not just to be the best action heroine film of the year, it’s quite possibly – admittedly, I haven’t seen the last Mission Impossible film yet – going to end up as the best action film of 2025. Such a pity it appears likely to be one and done for this tiny dancer. 

Dir: Len Wiseman
Star: Ana de Armas, Gabriel Byrne, Anjelica Huston, Keanu Reeves

Ballerina Assassin

  By

★★
“Let the buyer beware.”

Right in the middle of us watching this, Chris got a text from our daughter: “I think we rented the wrong version of Ballerina…” Yes, independently, she was watching the same film. The difference is, we understood what we were getting into. We knew this was a mockbuster from infamous purveyor of such things, The Asylum. I thought the concept of people mistaking Asylum movies for the real thing was an urban legend. Courtesy of our daughter, we now know better. Or worse. For this is, of course, not fit to lace up Ballerina‘s shoes, and anyone expecting it will be sorely disappointed. Yet it’s not irredeemable. I’ve seen considerably worse. From The Asylum,  in particular. 

Though I will question the title. Heroine Maria Herrera (Kaur) is not particularly an assassin. She’s really an agent, working for a shadowy government agency run by Bixby (Keating). She is, however, a former ballerina. This comes in handy for her new mission, in which the agency seeks to trap cartel head and aspiring politician Javier Aguilar (Sellar) on his trip to the United States. Maria is tasked with getting close to his wife, Carmen (Scotto), who is going to an audition for a spot in a ballet troupe. Naturally, it’s not that simple. Maria soon discovers there is someone in the agency who is actually collaborating with Javier, and has a strong desire to see her taken out of the picture. Permanently. 

As stories go, it’s fairly workmanlike. You won’t find it hard to work out who’s the mole. To be fair, the film doesn’t stretch this element out too long, which would have been irritating. It then becomes a battle for possession of a hard-drive containing incriminating evidence. Loyalties shift – Javier in particular is surprisingly sympathetic for a cartel boss – all the way till the final scene. Kaur, who also starred in The Asylum’s Furiosa mockbuster, Road Wars: Max Fury (review of that coming next week) is okay. She’s not particularly pretty, but that kinda works for the character. I was amused by her using her ballet skills to get through a laser corridor, like the kind first seen in Resident Evil.

There’s also a combat drone brought up early on, and you just know it’s going to end up chasing down the heroine. However, when it eventually does, the results are underwhelming, and this goes for the majority of the action. It’s basic stuff, with very little imagination or flair, and nobody here is able to carry it off at any level above the barest minimum. As cheap entertainment – we literally got it through our local library for free – it just about passes muster, if you’re in an undemanding mood. But it’d be much better off not inviting comparisons to what’s likely to be the best action heroine film of the year. Our daughter was highly unhappy about the deceptive marketing, and I cannot blame her in the slightest.

Dir: Michael Su
Star: Preet Kaur, Dominic Keating, Nicolas Sellar, Rocio Scotto

Bad Day

  By

★★★
“Not-so fair cops.”

Rebecca Ryan (Goose) is an undercover cop, who has been working for three years as “Margaret”, infiltrating the McCann family, a South London organized crime outfit, with Darius Cruise (Ofoegbu) as her handler. He’s just been given a new partner, Abby Barrett (Air), and isn’t happy about it. Rebecca, meanwhile, has fallen in love with Harry McCann (Calil), but his sister, Marla (Riana Husselmann), recently out of jail, suspects something is up with ‘Margaret’. When an incident appears to blow her cover, and Rebecca returns home to find her daughter murdered, she decides it’s time to make the entire McCann family pay for their actions. As the title suggests, everything subsequently unfolds over the course of a single day.

It’s all a bit wobbly at the beginning, with the director struggling to get all the various plot threads up and running. Trimming them back would have been helpful, such as Abby’s contentious relationship with her former partner; it adds little. Air’s performance isn’t the best either; she’s considerably less convincing as a cop than Goose or Ofoegbu, although the latter is clearly channelling the spirit of Idris Elba as Luther. As a low-rent version thereof, he’s not bad, with the script throwing on copious quantities of cynicism, such as Darius telling his partner, “The only thing I don’t believe in anymore is this job.” Goose is decent too, playing a woman who is teetering on the edge of losing herself, with her daughter providing the sole reliable anchor in her life.

When that tether gets removed, there’s really only one way things can go: downhill, quite rapidly. The problem is, the further in we get, the more likely it is that the McCann’s weren’t responsible (though I have to say, the actual resolution doesn’t feel credible, especially for a British-set movie). But by the point Rebecca discovers the truth, a quote from Lady Macbeth fits the anti-heroine very well: “I am in blood stepped in so far that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er.” It does feel almost Shakespearean, in the sense that tragedy seems inevitable, and the characters are largely powerless to do anything about it.

I’d like to have seen more of Marla, who makes an immediate impression from her first scene. The character has a calculating edge, and a civilized veneer thinly covering a most unfeminine fondness for brutality. I almost wish the makers had gone the whole way, and made Darius a woman as well, to complete the quartet of strong female characters. The low budget does occasionally show through, and some of the action might leave a bit to be desired, though the inevitable brawl between Marla and Rebecca does achieve a satisfactory resolution. However, by concentrating on the women, it does stand out from the slew of “gritty” British crime film to come out in the two thousands. While it’s no Luther, I found myself adequately entertained and surprisingly engaged.

Dir: Ian David Diaz
Star: Claire Goose, Donna Air, Anthony Ofoegbu, George Calil

Barbie and the Three Musketeers

  By

★★★
“All for one, in a Barbie world.”

Yes, I went there again. After Barbie Spy Squad, I’ve gone back to the plastic fantastic, for another entry in the crossover action heroine animated industry. This isn’t the first review here to cover a female take on the classic novel. La Femme Musketeer had already gone there, but the major difference there was, as the title implies it only had one woman, who had to keep her sex under wraps. Here, while the setting remains pre-revolutionary France, the wannabe Musketeer is openly a lady. On the high level, it is a fairly loyal adaptation, with teenage heroine Barbie – here called Corinne (Sheridan) – heading to Paris to fulfill her long-held ambition of becoming a Musketeer.

There, she’s initially spurned – albeit more for her lack of relevant experience than her gender – and has to prove herself. Naturally, there are no women Musketeers with whom she can bond, but she literally bumps into other young women, such as Viveca (Tozer), Aramina (Johnson), and Renée (Bell), with whom she finds employment as a maid in the palace. Naturally, she encounters the similarly teenage Prince Louis, and discovers that the skills of her coworkers are not limited to light housework. Together, they have to protect Louis from various attempts on his life, such as a falling chandelier, carried out by those who have designs on the royal power, before Louis ascends to the throne on his imminent eighteenth birthday.

Y’know, I did not hate this nearly as much as I feared I might. Corinne is established early on as smart, athletic and competent, though I could probably have done without her talking animals. But in general, the voice acting is enthusiastic and effective, though the women do sound a bit as if they have interchangeable heads. Bonus points for the unmistakable tones of Tim Curry, playing malevolent regent Philippe, who is next in line after Louis. The animation is… okay, I guess, considering the era. Nobody is going to mistake this for Pixar, yet it does the trick, and on occasion is actually more detailed than I expected (just not on the character’s faces – though, again: plastic, duh).

Messaging is probably considerably lighter than in the live-action Barbie movie. There’s a few statements that “girls can’t be Musketeers” – I mean, this was 17th-century France, it’s not wrong – and the resulting need to prove them incorrect. That’s about it. Instead, there’s a training montage set to the riff from EMF’s Unbelievable, which I did not have on my Barbie Bingo Card. The action is better than I expected, too, though obviously no blood, despite all the pointy objects being energetically wielded, both by the heroines and their enemies. At the final ball, no weapons are allowed in, so they have to make do, with creative use of fans, ribbons, etc. [Weirdly I read one review which said they never get to use swords, which they clearly do.] There’s also refreshingly little romance here. All told, perfectly watchable, to my near-shock.

Dir: William Lau
Star (voice): Kelly Sheridan, Tim Curry, Kira Tozer, Willow Johnson, Dorla Bell

Baltimore

  By

★★★
“The art of terrorism.”

Going off the Wikipedia article about Rose Dugdale, I can’t help feeling this could have been more epic than it was. I mean, a former debutante who, “As an IRA member, took part in the theft of paintings worth IR£8 million, a bomb attack on a Royal Ulster Constabulary station using a hijacked helicopter, and developed a rocket launcher” which used – I kid you not – packets of biscuits to absorb the recoil. There’s so much there, it feels a shame the movie focuses almost entirely on the art theft. This was carried out in 1974, raiding a stately home in rural Ireland (fun fact: the house was used as a location in Haywire), with the aim of swapping the paintings for the release of prisoners. 

That said, the film does a good job of weaving several strands together. Firstly, Rose’s upbringing, and her conversion from a wealthy upbringing to political firebrand, and subsequently terrorist for the Irish Republican cause. Then there’s the actual robbery itself, and finally, the aftermath as Rose (Poots) and her two accomplices (Vaughan-Lawlor and Brophy) hide out and try to make their demands. It is definitely a sympathetic portrayal, which quietly ignores her role in civilian deaths. For instance, Dugdale made the device for the 1992 Baltic Exchange bombing in London, which killed three. And incidentally, blew up the office where I worked, around the corner in Bevis Marks. This may explain why I feel less charitably inclined towards her than the story wants.

Poots’s performance is solid enough to overcome my kneejerk aversion, and Rose as a character is depicted as someone who’s worthy of respect. You definitely get the sense she was genuine about her commitment to ‘The Cause’, born of an honest rejection of her privileged life. In this rebellion against her upbringing, she feels somewhat like a more ideologically committed, English version of Patty Hearst. [Hearst was kidnapped the same year as Rose’s robbery, and ended up robbing banks with the Symbionese Liberation Army] The film does skip over exactly how she went from activist, to hijacking a helicopter in order to drop milk churns on police stations – an incident only referenced in passing on a radio broadcast. 

What this does, it does well though. There’s an escalating sense of tension and paranoia, with Rose eventually ending up on her own (her accomplices were never caught, according to a final caption), as the net closes in. She agonizes over whether to kill a local who might suspect her, and if she should tell her boyfriend (Meade) about her pregnancy. However, while it’s far superior to Poots’s terrible Black Christmas remake, after reading the Wikipedia page, I was left hungry for further details. This feels closer to an episode of a TV series about Dugdale, rather than a fully rounded depiction of her life. I think I might end up going deeper into an apparently fascinating woman who, at her trial, pronounced herself “proudly and incorruptibly guilty”.

Dir: Joe Lawlor and Christine Molloy
Star: Imogen Poots, Tom Vaughan-Lawlor, Lewis Brophy, Jack Meade
a.k.a. Rose’s War

Back in Action

  By

★★★
“Back to basics.”

The title could very well apply to star Diaz as well, since this is her first movie in over a decade. She retired in 2014 after Annie (which also starred Foxx), to focus on her family. But the actress, who will always be beloved here for her role in the best incarnation of Charlie’s Angels, was lured out for this genre mashup, which combines comedy, action, romance, family drama and thriller elements. She plays Emily, a former spy who retired fifteen years ago, and dropped out of sight. She’s now happily married to partner Matt (Foxx), with two teenage kids – the daughter being particularly obnoxious – and a house roughly the size of Vermont. Espionage must be a very lucrative business. 

This domestic bliss is, naturally, upended after the arrival of former handler Chuck (Chandler) with a warning, rapidly followed by assassins. Turns out, on their last mission, Matt lifted and subsequently hid, a device capable of controlling any electronic system. Everyone now wants to get their hands on this MacGuffin, which he stashed away on the estate of Emily’s estranged mother, Ginny (Close), back in England. Kids in tow, Matt and Emily have to drop off the grid, go there and secure the device before it falls into the hands of the bad guys, who intend to auction it off to the highest bidder. Needless to say, their children are surprised by this development. Not least the daughter, who was just grounded for using a fake ID.

Make no mistake, this is glossy, simple and unchallenging entertainment. But that’s perfectly fine. Not everything has to be significant or deep, and if this is unambitious, it doesn’t make it any less decent as something to throw on TV of a Sunday night. Diaz and Foxx both have charisma to spare, and together, their characters have a relationship which seems genuine. They love each other, while their children are stuck permanently in adolescent eye-roll mode, despising their parents taste in music, etc. It’s a salutory lesson, that in reality, Emily and Matt are far cooler, more interesting and highly skilled than their offspring would ever give them credit. The parent in me nods wisely at this family dynamic.

The action is decent, with some impressive bits of vehicular mayhem, and Diaz showing she can still move. But I particularly liked Ginny – I can only presume Helen Mirren was unavailable, as it’s a clone of her character from RED – and her charmingly ineffectual toy boy, Nigel (Jamie Demetriou). They deserve a franchise of their own. No less than nineteen writers were involved in the script. This has to be close to a record, and to be honest, you can tell, especially in the final act. There, things tend to become awfully convenient, as everybody whizzes around London in pursuit of the MacGuffin. With a bloated budget estimated at over $200 million, I’m just glad it wasn’t my money. I’ll happily take advantage of the results, however. 

Dir: Seth Gordon
Star:Cameron Diaz, Jamie Foxx, Kyle Chandler, Glenn Close

Buffalo Girls

  By

★★★½
“Certainly no calamity.”

Calamity Jane is one of the larger-than-life figures who populated the Wild West in its later days, as it was gradually becoming civilized. The truth about who she was is hard to determine, with verifiable facts hard to come by. But like Robin Hood, this just makes her raw clay, to be moulded into whatever shape writers and film-makers want. In Jane’s case this means her over the decades being played by anyone from Jane Russell through Doris Day to, here, Anjelica Huston. This version of her story, originally a TV miniseries in two parts from 1995, is based on a book by Larry McMurtry. I’ve not read it, but by most accounts, it’s mostly an elegy to the death of the old West and its people.

This doesn’t feel quite as depressing, though certainly nods to the end of the frontier ways. Jane here is a down-to-earth figure, whom we first see working with the forces of General Custer. Fortunately, she avoids meeting the same fate, though tragedy hits in a different way, with the murder of Wild Bill Hickok (Sam Elliott, basically re-running his Tombstone character). Jane had long held a candle for him, but never managed quite to tell him. However, their relationship leaves her with a child, which she gives up for adoption to a rich family. Years later, she discovers her daughter is back in England, and joins the circus of Buffalo Bill (Coyote), to travel across the ocean in the hope of being reunited.

This thread is fine, with a tremendous cast doing good work, also including Jack Palance, an early role for Liev Schreiber, and Reba McEntire as sharp-shooter Annie Oakley [in my head canon, she’s playing the great-grandmother of her character in Tremors] I doubt how historically accurate it is: while Buffalo Bill’s show did play in London, I’ve not found anything to indicate Jane was with them (Oakley, however, was part of the show), and certainly not shooting up an English pub! But the old saw, “Print the legend” is likely applicable here, and I’m always willing to cut cinematic biography some factual slack, in the interests of making its story-telling more effective.

Less successful is the secondary plot, involving brothel madam Dora DuFran (Griffith), who again did exist, and her true love Ted Blue (Byrne), who did not. I was particularly annoyed how Dora repeatedly refused Ted’s proposals of marriage, preferring to retain her freedom… then got very upset after he married someone else, and even got hitched to someone herself (the short-term spouse being played by Schreiber). Either be with someone or not. They’re not a puppy on a leash for you to jerk around, and your history is not their problem. Every scene with the pair was a waste of time, and I was left wondering if I could create a ninety-minute supercut of the film, which removes them from the film as far as possible. I suspect it would be an improvement.

Dir: Rod Hardy
Star: Anjelica Huston, Melanie Griffith, Gabriel Byrne, Peter Coyote 

Black Day

  By

★½
“Too little, and much too late.”

I feel the need to start with the IMDb synopsis, because it explains things considerably better than the film. “The Story of two former military criminals turned special sleeper cell Soldiers of Fortune by a secret agency called “The Order of the Black Box”. While agent Sage Martinez is undercover as a low level drug dealer’s wife her more volatile and violent sister Jay Bird is A.W.O.L that’s until they get orders for a special mission (their last kill mission to buy their freedom).” This bears so marginal relationship to what I just watched, if it weren’t for the characters’ names matching, I’d be wondering if it came from a completely different film. Little beyond the names is recognizable.

Here’s what I have. Two women: one strangles her demanding husband, the other kills a pair of security guards who attempt to sexually assault her. There’s something about a mysterious black box left on the former’s doorstep. The pair then meet and team up to take on a cannibalistic family who have been abducting and eating babies. The end. On the copy I saw, the entire film (which runs not much over forty minutes) then repeats in a “Director’s Cut” version. I guess this is slightly more coherently assembled, but is almost exactly the same footage, broken into chapters. It comes no closer to covering the points in the synopsis above.

This is, according to the credits, “Raphael Robinson’s Black Day.” On the one hand, it demonstrates a chunky ego. Usually, you become known first, then get to attach your name to your films, e.g. John Carpenter’s Vampires. Who the hell is Raphael Robinson? According to the IMDb, he had one (1) feature before this, which had no votes, critic or user reviews. Bit early to be going Francis Ford Coppola. On the other hand, if Black Day is anyone’s, it would be Robinson’s, since he wrote, produced, directed, edited and did the cinematography on it. He is literally the only crew member mentioned on the film’s IMDb page. The charitable reaction is: very gracious of him to shoulder responsibility and accept all the blame. 

Because simple coherence is missing here. The synopsis is intriguing. It’s just present in the film at “may contain traces of” level. If it had been laid out correctly, I’d have tolerated this much better, because as a low-budget tale of two heroines going after cannibals, it has some energy. Jordan as Jay and Kay as Sage possess presence. Watching them chew up and spit out the members of the Darkwell clan, working their way up to patriarch Creed (Kenney) made for slightly amusing in-flight entertainment (god knows what my fellow passengers thought!). There are occasional moments where Robinson seems to have a clue what he’s doing behind the camera. But it doesn’t appear he read his own film’s synopsis, and the whole thing feels painfully like it was made up as he went along.

Dir: Rapheal Robinson
Star: Krissy Kay, Llola Jordan, Bill K. Kenney, Ella Rose Henning