Tag: 2023

Mountain Queen: The Summits of Lhakpa Sherpa

  By

★★★
“Top of the world.”

Reaching the summit of Mount Everest once is a remarkable achievement, done by only a few thousand people in history, with hundreds having died in the attempt. But what about climbing the world’s highest peak on no less than ten occasions? Such is the achievement of Lhakpa Sherpa, a woman from Nepal who had to overcome remarkable adversity in a number of ways to complete this feat. This documentary is the story, both of her tenth (and most recent, to date at least!) ascent, and of her life. It’s an impressive story of fortitude, though never really answers my most burning question. I can understand wanting to climb Everest once. But why do it so many times?

Lhakpa was born in 1973, and grew up when girls weren’t allowed to go to school. She carried her brother there, two hours each way, but wasn’t allowed to learn herself. This didn’t stop her from breaking with local tradition in a number of ways. She had a child outside of wedlock, and also became a mountain porter as a teenager, another position reserved for men – she cut her hair short, so her gender would be less apparent. In 2000, she became the first Nepalese woman to reach the top of Everest and survive. The same year, she met climber Gheorghe Dimarescu and the pair married in 2002. They climbed together, and had two daughters, Sunny and Shiny. But there was a dark side, with her husband’s vicious temper turning their relationship abusive, until she left him in 2012.

I do feel the film rather overplays this element of Lhakpa’s life. While it’s obviously significant, it almost seems to robs her of agenda, forcing the viewer to see much of the events through the lens of his behaviour. The structure may enhance this. Rather than unfolding chronologically, there are two parallel streams, one depicting her tenth attempt to reach the top, while the other slowly fills in the background of her life, and the two never quite seemed to mesh effectively for me. Her attitude in dealing with life’s obstacles is amazing, and leave a remarkable impression, such as how Lhakpa worked in a Connecticut supermarket, while raising her two daughters, before returning to her home country.

It does appear her profile has been raised by her remarkable, and largely under the radar, achievements. The documentary shows her finding a sponsor who will fund expeditions: I don’t know if she still works in Whole Foods! I hope not, because she deserves better, with the simple facts of her story being immensely empowering to anyone, and a lesson that any dream can be achieved. But I did not feel that this film really provided much more insight into the person, than a reading of her Wikipedia page would have offered. I was left with questions, such as about her first child, which the film didn’t want to address, and it felt like some outside viewpoints (even Lhakpa’s family) would have benefited the end product. It remains worth a watch: just don’t expect more than a surface portrait.

Dir: Lucy Walker
Star: Lhakpa Sherpa, Sunny Dijmarescu, Shiny Dijmarescu

Impulse

  By

★★½
“Two’s company…”

This is one of the more successful efforts to spin a conspiratorial narrative – at least until the final act, where it topples over into implausibility. It’s a bit like how QAnon were not wrong about the rich and powerful being involved in sex trafficking… it just wasn’t out of the basement of a pizza restaurant. The heroine here is Sofia (Gudic), a journalist who is investigating a series of odd murders, in which powerful men are killed in highly compromising positions. These are assassinations carried out by an escort-assassin, Theda – yeah, one of the less subtle anagrammatic names I’ve seen – on behalf of a shadowy, super-powerful group of the wealthy and famous, under the oversight of Zane (Cassavetes).

Complicating matters is that Theda (also Gudic) is the spitting image of Sofia, just with dark hair, so when a fellow journalist, David (Ferrigno), see the hitwoman leaving the scene of a killing, he becomes convinced Sofia is moonlighting. Of course, there are only a few possible ways this can be resolved, such as a coincidental doppelganger, long-lost twin sister, or severely split personalities. I won’t reveal which way the film goes. But there is a sharp ring of plausibility to the way the cabal obtain blackmail material in order to get a politician, Governor Hughes (Kirkland) on their side, then manipulate him to do their political bidding. Though perhaps most chilling is the way the group quickly moves on when Hughes is no longer of use.

As someone who used to be into conspiratorial stuff (back when it was still fun, which slowly ceased to be true after 9/11), I enjoyed these elements, and nods to things like mind-controlled assassins. But at the end, it shifts into some kind of occult ritual scenario involving baby sacrifice, which makes the whole thing smell weirdly like misinformation. The powerful will act to retain  or increase their power: there’s no need for any motivation beyond that, including spooky cosplay. Naturally, Sofia – or is it Theda? – is on hand to witness these rituals, and face off against the cabal members in their lair, including both Zane and the person responsible for her situation. Credit the makers for delivering a surprisingly downbeat ending.

Gudic seems to be having adequate fun in her dual roles, though I’d certainly like to have seen more of Theda in action. It feels like her murderous talents are wasted here, even if making someone choke to death on a large, realistic-looking dildo does demonstrate impressive imagination. The ease with which she apparently shrugs off her programming is a bit troubling: if I was an evil overlord, I’d be having words with my abuse-induced control department minions. More action, and to be frank, more gratuitous nudity, would have been welcome. What’s the point of having an escort-assassin who never undresses? [Though there is a scene involving two girls, a bath and a lot of red wine] Overall, I was adequately amused, albeit not much more.

Dir: Patrick Flaherty
Star: Dajana Gudic, Lou Ferrigno Jr., Nick Cassavetes, Rob Kirkland

You’re Killing Me

  By

★★★
“Angelic Upstarts”

Eden Murphy (Miller) has a problem. She desperately wants to get into Pembroke College, but is currently on the wait list. However, classmate Barrett Schroder (Heller) has a congressman for a father, a letter from whom would surely push her application forward. Barrett isn’t exactly helpful, so along with friend Zara (Milliner), she crashes his party, hoping to press her case. A series of events ensue, resulting in Eden being trapped in a bedroom with a passed-out drunk Zara, and a phone belonging to one of Barrett’s friends, Gooch (Deusner). This has some incriminating video footage on it, apparently linking Barrett to the recent disappearance of another classmate. He is very keen to get it back, by any means necessary.

The first two acts here are fairly straightforward siege horror, with Eden trying to figure out how she and Zara can escape a situation that’s increasingly untenable. Their own phones were collected on the way into the venue, and Zara’s current state makes running for it a poor strategy. Instead, Eden has to fight a rearguard action, trying to bargain with the increasingly aggressive Barrett and his henchmen, while barricading their current location and repel attacks. It may helps that she is able to capture Gooch when he tries to climb in through a window, giving them a bargaining chip – and potentially a first-reported sighting of Chekhov’s Hair-dryer… That depends: Barrett might not care all that much about his “friend,” considering he caused the problem to begin with.

This is likely when the film is at its best, because neither Eden nor Barrett are idiots, and both know what’s at stake. This dynamic changes sharply when his parents (played by Dermot Mulroney and the late Anne Heche, to whom the film is dedicated) come home unexpectedly. You thought Bennett was willing to stop at nothing? Mrs. Schroder, in particular, cares not one whit how many bodies will need to be buried by the end of the night. To be honest, I felt this is where the film slipped over the edge of plausibility, quickly descending into carnage which teetered on the edge of ridiculous, and with some questionable pharmacology. 

There were times where it almost felt there was a reel missing too, one escape teetering on the edge of “With one bound, she was free” territory. However, we still get a satisfactory final confrontation (remember that hair-dryer?), and I found myself rooting for Eden more than I thought I might at the beginning. There’s a sense of social commentary here, based around the concept of the rich and powerful being able to get away with anything. But it’s handled lightly enough not to get in the way, and despite problems in the final reel, I was adequately entertained. If it does feel that Miller may have been trying too hard to be an alternate to Samara Weaving, there are certainly much worse things to be!

Dir: Beth Hanna, Jerren Lauder
Star: McKaley Miller, Keyara Milliner, Wil Deusner, Brice Anthony Heller

Bang Bang Betty: Valerie’s Revenge

  By

★★½
“To lose one partner may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose two looks like carelessness.”

This one ends by informing us definitively that “Bang Bang Betty will return.” The statement may cause some confusion to viewers in this installment, because Bang Bang Betty is not present to begin with. No, this sequel to Bang Bang Betty is entirely Betty-free, without any real explanation as to why. I can only presume the actress involved was otherwise engaged. Instead, it focuses on Valerie Mendez (Hernandez), who was a prosecuting attorney in the first one, but now seems to be an undercover detective. She is investigating the drug trafficking activities of Sanchez (Soria), when her partner and fiancee, Beatriz, is killed in a gun-battle with Sanchez and his men.

This forms the dramatic impetus for the rest of the film, in which Valerie goes after Sanchez. Though since in this installment, we go from cold open to lesbian canoodling in under two minutes, then Beatriz getting fridged before the ten-minute mark, the emotional impact on the audience is limited. It does solve the purpose of justifying the title. Valerie then seeks vengeance in ways which don’t exactly stand up to scrutiny in terms of police procedure, to the point where “international incident” might be closer to the truth. Her motto appears to be ,”You can’t spell jurisdiction without I and N-O”, charging across the border into Mexico with help from her replacement partner, and DEA agent Richard Cross (Caliber), whose partner also fell victim to Sanchez. What are the odds?

I’ve a feeling this might have been filmed back-to-back or close to with its predecessor, and has many of the same strengths and weaknesses. The performances are decent, with a special shout-out to Padilla as Sanchez’s brutal henchwoman, Lola. The action is a bit up-and-down, and we never get to see the brawl between Valerie and Lola that I was expecting – and, to be honest, anticipating. It’s Cross who ends up getting that, and the film does nothing to defray the usual problems when there’s such a size discrepancy between opponents. The CGI blood remains as poorly-executed as before, which does the entire movie a disservice, leaving it looking cheap and rushed.

It’s a shame, because there are occasional moments which are genuinely impressive. For instance, a well-staged shot of Valerie cradling the dying Beatriz in her arms, while the gunfight goes on in slow-motion behind them. Or the unexpected Debussy which pops up on the soundtrack, as she raids one of Sanchez’s drug houses. These are moments which are likely better than anything in its predecessor. However, they are countered by the weakness of a plot which feels very much a downgrade: it’s implausible at best, and too often topples over into ridiculous. Overall, it comes in at the same grade, and I find myself, once again, cautiously looking forward to a third installment. Hopefully, this time the plot will receive as much effort as the characters.

Dir: Alexander T. Hwang
Star: Emily Rose Hernandez, Hector Soria, Kevin Caliber, Mariah Padilla

Keisha Takes the Block

  By

★½
“Talk is cheap, and so is this.”

Reviewing director Profitt’s filmography on the IMDb is an interesting experience. He seems to have started off in the paranormal, drifted through pseudo-reality TV with titles like Untold Undercover Police Stories, and has now found a niche in the low-budget urban gangster field, for which Tubi seems to have an inexhaustible appetite. But the promise very much exceeds the product. Case in point: while the woman on the cover here is the main character, she does not even touch a gun until, literally, the final shot of the movie. Profitt has instead realized that the best way to stretch his budget is to have long scenes of two characters talking to each other.

So that’s what you get here. A lot. It begins with Keisha (Seaton) talking to a fellow “prisoner” in “jail”. Quotes used advisedly, because after an establishing shot of the outside of a prison, the whole scene takes place in an entirely generic corner of a room. No guards. No bars. Could be a community college classroom. This sets the tone for the next thirty minutes, almost without exception: two people have a conversation. Two different people have a conversation. Two people have a conversation outside. Two people have a conversation on a couch. If you can think of a (slight) variation on two people having a conversation, you are likely to see it used here. It almost becomes hypnotic.

The story unfolds entirely through the resulting dialogue. Keisha is seeking to expand her criminal operations, but is facing push-back from the current boss, Quan (Settles). So she recruits his abused girlfriend, Rayna (Yvonne) to provide inside information on his activities. Meanwhile, her pet dirty cop, Ronny (Profitt), also tells Keisha heat will be coming from law enforcement, especially as the cold war between her and Quan heats up. Keisha’s long-time best friend begs her to leave the criminal life before it all catches up to her, and she begins to realize she needs an exit strategy. All of which sounds considerably more exciting than it is, because it’s far, far too dialogue heavy, and even these scenes are flat and largely lacking in dramatic energy.

The performances aren’t bad, and mercifully, Profitt doesn’t lean on the “my friends’ rap music” soundtrack typically used in this genre. Indeed, the lack of music, while probably another money-saving device, is sometimes effective. But there just is not enough going on here to hold the audience’s interest. The supposed battle for territory between Quan and Keisha doesn’t appear to use more than one clip of ammunition. Then again, both sides could probably hold their gang meetings in a phone-booth, such is the lack of resources here.  It is something of a shame, as there are elements here capable of generating dramatic conflict, in the right hands, and as noted, the actresses generally deliver their lines well. But Profitt the director seriously needs to fire Profitt the writer.

Dir: Jeff Profitt
Star: Brandi Seaton, Vicky Yvonne, Bernard Q. Settles, Jeff Profitt

Restore Point

  By

★★★
“Have you backed-up today?”

My knowledge about Czechoslovakian movies is quite limited. Mainly the wonderful films, such as Three Wishes for Cinderella or Saxana – The girl on a Broomstick, and TV series (Arabela or The Visitors) made for children there in the seventies and eighties. Things have changed since these times: Czechoslovakia doesn’t even exist since 1992, when it split into two separate countries, the Czech Republic and Slovakia. So this is a Czech movie, not a Czechoslovakian one. Though the famous Barrandov Studios where many of the classic movies were filmed, and in recent times some big Western productions too, remains in operation.

Still, this film feels of another time and another kind. I came across it during a period when nothing of interest to me seemed to come out of Hollywood. I was just looking for something entertaining, that didn’t insult my intelligence – you see the problem. Imagine my surprise when that ‘something’ turned out to be an East European Science Fiction movie – the second such, after recent Serbian film, A. I. Rising. Maybe I should recalibrate my sensors towards those countries? Because against my expectations, this turned out to be a first-class Science Fiction movie, with decent production values that could stand beside any Hollywood production. Indeed, someone in the Amazon reviews wondered how long it will be until Hollywood will remake it. [The remake of Danish film Speak No Evil is in cinemas right now, and as usual is not as good as the original]

The place is Prague and the time is 2041. Technology has advanced somewhat: while cars still drive on the ground, holographic displays are available in personal households. But one thing has changed considerably. People who get killed, or die in an accident, can be brought back to life. The catch: according to the law, in order for that to be possible, you have to have saved your memories digitally. The last memory – the so-called “restore point” – must not be older than 48 hours. Of course, such new and controversial technology faces resistance from part of the population; a terrorist group called River of Life fights against the introduction of the new tech.

Emma Trochinovska (Mohylová) is a young police investigator, who lost her husband due to him not having “backed-up” in time. She is on the trail of a River of Life terrorist, who commits suicide before she can capture him. She is greatly surprised when, a short time later, the supposedly dead inventor of restore technology, David Kurlstat (Hádek), gets in touch with her. He wants to find out who was responsible for the death of his wife, who had an affair with the terrorist and died after him. A number of problems arise. His last restore point is much further back than the usual two days. Indeed, he has no memory of the last six months. Europol agent Mansfield (Neužil) intends to protect the interests of the public, while the increasing influence of the Institute of Restoration is just as much a pain in the neck to Trochinovska as the terrorist, who isn’t really dead.

The above sounds a bit confusing. It may be at first glance, with a large number of characters with different interests popping up in the story. But once you have bought into the SF premise, things are actually not that complicated. What we have here is a crime thriller with cops, agents, terrorists and big money companies. It all leads to a well thought-out and very satisfying action-mystery, where for a long time you can’t be sure who is behind it all and why. Hint: it’s not who you may think. The solution was – at least for me – quite a surprise.

On a technical level, as mentioned, this is as good as, or maybe even a bit better than, your usual Hollywood Science Fiction movie, with the production filmed in the Czech Republic, Slovakia and Poland. While I know no one at all among the actors, they are all fine and give good, convincing performances. I especially liked main actress Mohylová fighting, running, shooting and investigating, without becoming a Mary Sue or losing her femininity and humanity. Her character has flaws and is not omnipotent, as is often the case with Western heroines. She did remind me of Katheryn Winnick from Vikings. But the other actors were also very well-cast for their respective roles. The film has a good, effective soundtrack with Debussy’s Clair de Lune as a recurring motive.

Outside of the Czech Republic, the movie has mostly been seen at festivals, and hasn’t had a theatrical release yet which is a pity. It won a number of awards or was nominated at festivals, and deserves a wider release, but even here in Germany it only came out on DVD. Reviews have compared it to Blade Runner and Minority Report: I tend to disagree there. This movie is far from the very futuristic, super-bleak, almost apocalyptic setting in Blade Runner (one of the most overrated SF films ever for me), showing a world just one or two steps away, and a future that is indeed imaginable. Nor is it the action-chase Minority Report provided. I guess the comparison is because Restore Point is what Science Fiction originally was, before star warriors and space fleets took over the genre on the big screen: a careful “what if”-exploration of a possible future.

It may be counted as cerebral today but in its essence it is what “real” Science Fiction is, without the fantasy aspects that have dominated the genre for the last 50 years or so. If I had to compare it to another movie, it might be Christopher Nolan’s Memento. While providing enough action to satisfy the casual audience looking for a quick SF fix, the movie works on a deeper level too. What is the value of our life is if we lose our memories? This leads to some strangely ironic, almost absurd results. So, yes, it’s a movie that can make you think. But you can also just let yourself be entertained by it. That works too.

Dir: Robert Hloz
Star: Andrea Mohylová, Matej Hádek, Milan Ondrík, Václav Neuzil

Deep Fear

  By

★★
“Shallow entertainment”

Naomi (Ghenea) is sailing a schooner single-handed in the Caribbean, returning it from Antigua to Grenada so it’ll be ready for a charter customer to take out. Her boyfriend, Jackson (Westwick) has already gone ahead to prepare things there. But a squall diverts Naomi off course, and she then stumbles across boat wreckage to which Maria (Gómez) and Jose (Coppet) are desperately clinging. They tell her there’s still a survivor trapped on the sea bottom, and Naomi dives down to rescue Tomas from his watery tomb. However, on returning to the surface with him, she gets a nasty surprise and finds her work is not over. For the survivors were also transporting 200 kg of cocaine.

Naomi is now key to salvaging it, whether she wants to be or not. Complicating matters is the presence of a large, predatory shark prowling the area, which makes simply going up and down from the sea bottom a perilous endeavour. Especially after one such encounter, where we get the immortal line, “The shark bit into the bags and now the shark is probably high on cocaine.” Sadly, hopes that this was going to become a sequel to Cocaine Bear never materialized [there is a film out there called Cocaine Shark, but it’s so bad, even a hardened connoisseur of badfilm like I, couldn’t get through the trailer] . Instead, there’s just an awful lot of sub-aqua shenanigans, and there’s really only so much SCUBA-ing I can take.

I will say, it all looks lovely. Malta actually stood in for the Caribbean, and if you’re looking for a picturesque tourist destination, combining beautiful scenery with clear water, it seems a good bet. However, as a thriller, it’s distinctly lacking in thrills, whether it’s a shark whose diet seems exclusively to consist of the bad people, through a cast for whom English is not their native tongue in many cases, to a heroine whose lips appear recently to have encountered a swarm of wasps [I note Ghenea’s credit in Zoolaander 2 as “Hot Shepherdess”]. The pacing is also off, especially early, when irrelevancies like Naomi and Jackson renting an apartment show up, serving no apparent purpose except delaying her arrival on the scene.

Gómez, whom you might remember from SexyKiller, is likely the best element the film has to offer, switching from cowering victim to manipulative sociopath. For instance, Maria conceals her nautical skills because if Naomi realizes she’s surplus to requirements after bringing up the coke, she might not be willing to do so. That kind of smarts is something the film needs to have more, ideally replacing the apparently endless amounts of moist mischief. I did like how the shark attacks don’t hold back on the blood, something you don’t see often. However, the creature rarely feels more than a toothy plot-device, thrown into scenes whenever the film-makers run out of other ways to generate tension. And that is far too often, to be honest.

Dir: Marcus Adams
Star: Mãdãlina Ghenea, Ed Westwick, Macarena Gómez, Stany Coppet

Adrenaline

  By

★★
“Taking on organ-ized crime.”

You know you’re in for a shaky experience when the film can’t even spell its own title right. That proves a fairly accurate assessment of the overall experience: while not without its merits, these are outweighed by the negatives in the final analysis. The heroine is Victoria Travers (Payne), an FBI agent on holiday with her family in Romania, when she spots a fugitive from justice, John Slater (Mandylor). She attempts to extract him over the border, to where he can be extradited, but while that takes place, her husband is killed, and her daughter snatched by an organ harvesting ring, run by Ivan Raj (Saini). Suddenly, Slater with his local knowledge, is the only hope of Victoria rescuing her child.

It’s all very basic and quite linear. The plot feels almost like it might have been lifted from a video-game, as the odd couple roam Bucharest, working their way up the criminal organization. with the occasional side quest such as rescuing another kidnapped child, freeing hookers, etc.There’s an NPC, in the form of hacker Tony (Hauck), who provides helpful information whenever Victoria and John appear to be at a dead end. The low-budget nature does work for the film, in that there’s an overall scuzzy feel to proceedings which is appropriate, and the location enhances this. It feels like the kind of place where organ harvesting would take place, though I suspect any such organization would, in reality, be more ruthless – and considerably more competent, to be frank.

Mandylor helps elevate proceedings, as he usually does: nice that his brother, Costas, also appears in this, playing Victoria’s long-suffering boss. Shame the Mandylors don’t get any scenes together. Payne is just about adequate as the relentless mother, and much less convincing as an FBI agent. However, she’s still better than certain members of the supporting cast. Some don’t even appear to have English as a second language, but there are others who can’t lean on that excuse.  The action is intermittent, albeit not badly-staged in general. We could have done with more, perhaps in lieu of the interminable scenes of our heroine and hero driving around town, talking to people on the telephone or, occasionally for variety, driving around town while talking to people on the telephone.

I wobbled back and forth for much of this between 2 and 2½ stars. While low-budget, often obviously, it keeps moving forward, and there’s something to be said for simplicity, rather than burdening the viewer with unnecessary subplots. It’s never boring, over its seventy-five minute duration. But the ending is particularly weak, falling well short of providing Constance with an opportunity to face off against a final boss, something the movie undeniably needs. This passed the time adequately, yet I cannot say I was ever engaged, and there’s not enough to make me look into other work by Cerchi, whose talents appear limited to making sure the image is mostly in focus.

Dir: Massimiliano Cerchi
Star: Constance Payne, Louis Mandylor, Adam Saini, Alexander Hauck 

The Dive

  By

★★
“Breaking bad.”

This is an English language remake of Breaking Surface, a 2020 film from Sweden. It is also a sterling demonstration of what happens when you do not follow the Golden Rule of Remakes. “Only remake a film if you can improve on the original.” The first red flag here is the quick turnaround, just three years after the original. It’s clear that the idea here is simply to copy the film, for an English language audience who don’t want to read subtitles. We’ve seen this kind of thing before, when Nikita was turned into Point of No Return, also three years later. There, as here, the remake is entirely superfluous if you’re familiar with the original, and does not fare well in any comparison. 

As you’d expect, the basic story is the same. Sisters Drew (Lowe) and May (Krause) have drifted apart over the years. But a shared passion for diving brings them back together for a trip on a remote stretch of coastline, to explore an underwater cave system. Initially, it goes well, until a rock slide leaves May with her leg pinned at the bottom of the sea. Her oxygen running out, it’s up to Drew to return to the surface, call for help, and bring down fresh tanks to keep her sister breathing. Naturally, it’s not as simple as that, with Drew having to overcome a slew of obstacles, from a car boot that won’t open, to equipment that malfunctions.

I’m quite hard-pushed to work out specifically why this had more or less the same ingredients as Breaking Surface, yet is so much less effective. It just feels like each element is a third- or fourth-generation photocopy of the original. The sisters, for example, are less appealing. There’s the same dynamic, in that May is the calm and collected one, while Drew is not suited to handling a crisis. But May comes off almost as robotic, while Drew is shrill and aggravating. There’s also a similar back story, involving a childhood incident. Here though, it seems to get in the way of the main plot, rather than enhancing it, with useful or interesting background. It sometimes feels like you need to know diving stuff too, and I don’t. 

To be fair, if I hadn’t seen the original, this would certainly score higher, perhaps around three stars. It’s still a good scenario, and I did like some elements, like the pointed note the sisters’ car is a rental. I just hope they got the damage waiver. But most of the changes, such as swapping out the chilliness of a Scandinavian fjord for the warmth of the Mediterranean (Malta, to be precise), seem pointless at best, and a detriment more often than not. By the end, which seems significantly more contrived in the original, I had an overwhelming urge to run off and watch Breaking Surface again. Though it did reaffirm my beliefs that caving = nope, diving = nope, and cave-diving = nope squared.

Dir: Maximilian Erlenwein
Star: Louisa Krause, Sophie Lowe

The Squad

  By

★★½
“#SquadGoals: Try not to suck.”

I was braced for this to be terrible, based on IMDb user comments which were either scathing, or came from accounts with one review – a sure sign they were astroturfed. On that basis, I guess I was pleasantly surprised. Don’t get me wrong: it’s not great, and only occasionally brushes against good. But it’s semi-competent, at least once the director calms the hell down, and stops giving us musical montages in lieu of content. The titular trio are Gina (Carrasquillo), Bella (Hansinger), and Dani (Evans), orphans who grew up together and have now turned to a life of crime. In particular, this spring break is spent by a lake in Oklahoma, seeking to muscle in on the local drug trade.

If you have ever seen Ozark, you will know that such activities are never received kindly, and it’s not long before the expected trouble shows up. This is most notably in the shape of rival drug dealar J.C. (UFC fighter Avila), but she is only the tip of the problem-shaped iceberg. People want The Squad out of the way, and/or to provide the source of their supplies. Double-crosses, backstabbings, police activity, abductions, rescue and a fairly significant body count follow as a result, though largely in a by the numbers approach, all the way to an ending that is clearly hoping for this to become a franchise. I would not be holding my breath for this to come to fruition, shall we say.

The three leads are both the best thing this has to offer, and its biggest problem. They’re photogenic, and spent much of the time wearing bikinis, which is not a chore for this viewer. However, when it comes to being convincing drug dealers, the results are much less consistent. It’s only now and again that they succeed in projecting the necessary sense of threat when facing off against their rivals: Gina probably does best in this department. The rest of the time they feel more like coeds cosplaying as drug lords, and seem about as dangerous pushers as Ed from Shaun of the Dead. The whole orphan thing feels like padding, despite the short running time of seventy-eight minutes.

To a certain degree, it feels like it wants to be Charlie’s Angels for bad girls, though regrettably, seems more inspired by the “gritty” reboot version, than the fluffy concoction of the original movie. It’s also hampered by the lack of personality to be found here: there is only one character, sliced up thinly and divided across the three protagonists, where again, Gina seems to have co-opted the lioness’s share of proceedings. Despite a plot that does keep moving forward – occasionally, a little too forward – the action is nothing special, with the trio ending up having to be rescued by a man on more than one occasion. Not exactly empowering. Looks better than it sounds, and I think that applies to almost every aspect of this.

Dir: Rick Walker
Star: Meghan Carrasquillo, Alea Hansinger, Grace Evans, Julia Avila