★★★
“Okay enough to work”
This probably falls into the category of lightly amusing, rather than anything more. But I can’t say I was ever bored, and it’s assembled well enough technically that I can’t complain. The heroine is Mi-Young (Uhm), a former North Korean agent, who defected, changed her looks through plastic surgery, and now lives a quiet existence, with a part-time job selling pastries in the local market. She’s married to Seok-Hwan (Park), a computer repairman, and their life is frugal as far as wealth goes. Seok-Hwan, however, is wins a promotion run by a soft-drink company, getting them and their young daughter a trip to Hawaii.
It turns out the North Koreans still have an interest in ‘Magnolia’, as Mi-Young was formerly known, and need her (specifically, her iris) to unlock some nuclear protocols. They learn she will be on the plane to Honolulu, yet are just not sure which passenger she is. So they hatch a plan for former partner Cheol-Seung (Lee) to hijack the craft, identify and abduct Magnolia, and parachute out, blowing up the aircraft in their wake. Mi-Young is fortunate enough to be in the bathroom when things kick off, so is able to avoid immediate detection. On the other hand, she’s now separated from her husband and child. Both she and Seok-Kwan will need to rely on their skills – long-dormant in the case of Magnolia – to defeat the hijacks before they can execute their explosive intentions.
This one initially slid past me entirely; looking at the poster, it’s very easy to overlook the gun held by the heroine. And, to be honest, this is as much a comedy as hard-hitting action. In that mix, it’s a bit reminiscent of My Wife is Gangster [damn, that came out 20 years ago?], with a reliance on culture clashes or inappropriate actions and speech for its humour. However, it did work pretty well, helped by a good number of interesting side characters. For example, there’s a paranoid air steward who wants to be a hero; an irritable congressman; and an actress who is initially suspected of being Magnolia, due in part to her action movie filmography. Though some of the cultural stuff definitely flew above my head, a decent amount is sufficiently global to work.
The cramped surroundings of the aircraft – even if Business Class is like the African savanna in comparison to the economy spaces we occupy – make a interesting setting for hand-to-hand combat, and help excuse the lack of guns. We’ve seen former singer Uhm before here, starring in Princess Aurora, and she acquits herself well in this. While I suspect some doubling for the more athletic moments, it’s done competently enough to pass muster. I would prefer to have seen more action, in fact, and a little less of the dramatic elements, though that’s more likely my problem than that of the intended audience. I will likely never watch it again, yet don’t feel it was a waste of 100 mins.
Dir: Cheol-ha Lee
Star: Uhm Jung-Hwa, Park Sung-Woong, Lee Sang-Yoon, Bae Jeong-Nam



At least a star of the above rating is purely for the concept, which is one just brimming with potential. The problem here is entirely down to execution that isn’t just lacklustre, it’s entirely devoid of
It’s probably significant that the opening credits of the film talk about the bands and the whiskey company involved. Any mention of the actual actresses taking part, is relegated to a secondary sequence, 15 minutes into the film. That seems to indicate where the priorities lie: if you told me the whole thing was made up to get freebies and as a showcase for the director’s mates, I’d have no problem believing you. Another warning sign is the way every post-production visual trick you can imagine is thrown in there; this often indicates an attempt to paper over flaws in other areas. There’s no doubt the film is certainly trying. However, Bizarro simply tries far too hard, and it’s not long before it becomes simply trying on the viewer instead.
Mary (Dubasso) is drugged and raped by three members of the football team at a college party. Believing neither the college authorities nor the police will do anything, she turns to cousin Maggie (Swan) for help, because her relative is a member of the all-female Dark Moon motorcycle gang (eloquent slogan: “Eat my pussy”). Run by Trygga (McIntosh), they take revenge on the rapists, branding their catchphrase on the perpetrator’s asses, and leaving them in full view on the college campus. The fraternity boys don’t take this kindly, and strike back, causing things to escalate towards an all-out war. Complicating matters are Maggie’s increasing feelings for Brian (Boneta), one of the team, though uninvolved in the rape.
Whenever the Olympics are on, we love watching the weird sports that never get covered the rest of the time. That means things like handball, archery and fencing, so I was particularly interested by this Russian film, based around the quest for gold in the women’s sabre event. While it does struggle to move past the usual cliches of sports films, it’s done with enough energy to work. The two protagonists are Aleksandra Pokrovskaya (Khodchenkova), a veteran coming to the end of a long, successful career, and Kira Egorova (Miloslavskaya), a brash teenager who arrives on the scene with a blast, and whose unconventional style causes fits among other fencers. Aleksandra has one final crack at the prize which has eluded her – an Olympic gold – but Kira poses an unprecedented threat to that ambition. 
Josie (Scott) is a babysitter, though her real interest is her work as a leader in the Girl Guide-like “Mustard Seed” summer camp. In this she mentors young girls, and accumulates some nifty skills of her own. This is relevant, due to her current situation. She’s taking care of Sophie (Hazen), the youngest daughter of the Castillo family. The father is a rich music mogul, and they live in a remote mansion, deep in the Utah mountains. The family come back early, but before Josie can leave – she’s playing hide and seek with Sophie – there’s a home invasion by three people, under the leadership of The Woman (Yeaman). They’re no regular burglars, but members of a Satanic cult, intent on retrieving artifacts hidden in the house by its previous owners. These can then be used to sacrifice the inhabitants, and open a portal for… something not very nice to enter our world.
Going into this, I was expecting it to be really terrible. After all, this Chinese animated version seemed to be little more than a mockbuster, riding on the trails of Disney’s