Category: Review

Black Day

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★½
“Too little, and much too late.”

I feel the need to start with the IMDb synopsis, because it explains things considerably better than the film. “The Story of two former military criminals turned special sleeper cell Soldiers of Fortune by a secret agency called “The Order of the Black Box”. While agent Sage Martinez is undercover as a low level drug dealer’s wife her more volatile and violent sister Jay Bird is A.W.O.L that’s until they get orders for a special mission (their last kill mission to buy their freedom).” This bears so marginal relationship to what I just watched, if it weren’t for the characters’ names matching, I’d be wondering if it came from a completely different film. Little beyond the names is recognizable.

Here’s what I have. Two women: one strangles her demanding husband, the other kills a pair of security guards who attempt to sexually assault her. There’s something about a mysterious black box left on the former’s doorstep. The pair then meet and team up to take on a cannibalistic family who have been abducting and eating babies. The end. On the copy I saw, the entire film (which runs not much over forty minutes) then repeats in a “Director’s Cut” version. I guess this is slightly more coherently assembled, but is almost exactly the same footage, broken into chapters. It comes no closer to covering the points in the synopsis above.

This is, according to the credits, “Raphael Robinson’s Black Day.” On the one hand, it demonstrates a chunky ego. Usually, you become known first, then get to attach your name to your films, e.g. John Carpenter’s Vampires. Who the hell is Raphael Robinson? According to the IMDb, he had one (1) feature before this, which had no votes, critic or user reviews. Bit early to be going Francis Ford Coppola. On the other hand, if Black Day is anyone’s, it would be Robinson’s, since he wrote, produced, directed, edited and did the cinematography on it. He is literally the only crew member mentioned on the film’s IMDb page. The charitable reaction is: very gracious of him to shoulder responsibility and accept all the blame. 

Because simple coherence is missing here. The synopsis is intriguing. It’s just present in the film at “may contain traces of” level. If it had been laid out correctly, I’d have tolerated this much better, because as a low-budget tale of two heroines going after cannibals, it has some energy. Jordan as Jay and Kay as Sage possess presence. Watching them chew up and spit out the members of the Darkwell clan, working their way up to patriarch Creed (Kenney) made for slightly amusing in-flight entertainment (god knows what my fellow passengers thought!). There are occasional moments where Robinson seems to have a clue what he’s doing behind the camera. But it doesn’t appear he read his own film’s synopsis, and the whole thing feels painfully like it was made up as he went along.

Dir: Rapheal Robinson
Star: Krissy Kay, Llola Jordan, Bill K. Kenney, Ella Rose Henning

Breathe

  By

★★½
“Air apparent.”

I only remembered about this when looking at our preview for last year, and realizing I’d not heard anything more about it. Turns out it was released on April 26th, to what was apparently “limited theatres,” the same day it hit on-demand. I must have missed the memo. So, here we are, and it’s very much a bit of a mixed bag. The scenario is interesting, if vague. Initial tension building is well-done, but the further it went on, the more it struggled to hold my interest. It’s a post-apocalyptic scenario, with the oxygen level of the atmosphere rapidly depleted to a lethally low percentage. This wiped out almost everyone – though where all the corpses went is one of many unanswered questions.

Among the few survivors, living in an air-tight Brooklyn bunker, are mother Maya (Hudson, looking impressively svelte), father Darius (Common) and daughter Zora (Wallis). Though Darius leaves one day and doesn’t come back, leaving his wife and child to fend for themselves. A few months later there are unexpected visitors: a group led by Tess (Jovovich). She claims to have known Darius, and needs to see his oxygen creator, because the one in their bunker in Philadelphia is breaking down, and they’re about to run out of air. Maya is highly suspicious – Darius never mentioned Tess – but Zora convinces her mother to trust Tess and her group, at least somewhat. No prizes for guessing whether or not this is a mistake.

It’s likely at its best while there’s still some doubt about the answer, with a good sense of uncertainty ratcheting up the tension as noted. Just don’t think about the science – how do you make an “EMP generator” out of a flashlight and some copper wire? Though some reviews are wrong to question how guns work without free oxygen: gunpowder, etc. contain it internally. Best avoid the unsubtle social metaphors too, e.g. a black character staring at a mural which says, “We can’t breathe”, obviously a leftover from the BLM protests, or the quoting of Malcolm X. Hudson and Jovovich are the glue which holds this together, even when you can’t see the bulk of their faces due to the helmets needed to sustain life outside.

Their interactions work: far less effective is Worthington playing Lucas, post-apocalyptic trope #23, the loose cannon sidekick. Once Tess and Maya are no longer getting to share scenes, it feels as if the air goes out of the film (an especially appropriate figure of speech given the circumstances). Lucas and Zora then have to take centre-stage, and the results are unimpressive, as the film limps towards an ending too easily contrived. I did like the look of the film, with the world a filter-tinted nightmare that has gone to absolute hell, with some impressively destroyed cityscapes.  The script, on the other hand, needed considerably more work to reach acceptable, and ends up wasting good work by its two leads.

Dir: Stefon Bristol
Star: Jennifer Hudson, Quvenzhané Wallis, Milla Jovovich, Sam Worthington

The Undeserving

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★★★
“Save a horse, ride a cowgirl.”

I’m slightly grading this on a curve, because this is likely the best of the low-budget modern blaxploitation movies I’ve seen, by some margin. By “normal” standards, that still falls some way short of Oscar-winning, with the limited resources still being obvious at some point. But compared to some of the other entries I’ve sat through, this is a palpable improvement, avoiding many of the worst cliches of the genre, in favor of a story which has had some attention given to it. It’s not an African-American knockoff of Scarface, like so many others, and does not entirely rely on a soundtrack of bad rap songs by the director’s pals. That alone puts it ahead of the pack.

It begins with an assassination carried out by arms dealer Lion Caldwell (Russell). He’s wants to kill the person who’s blackmailing him, and make it look like he’s the target. But to ensure there are no loose ends, he will also kill the hitwoman, Harper (Lavan). However, the intended target gets wind of the plan, and switches wigs with an innocent bystander, causing Harper to shoot the wrong target: Lion’s ex-wife, and the mother of his daughter. The whole mess ends up with Harper dumped in a lake, shot multiple times, and stabbed for good measure. Of course, she’s not dead. She is able to make her way to shore, where’s she’s rescued by a couple. The husband is a surgeon, and able to patch her up in-house, rather than notify the authorities. Yeah, I rolled my eyes a bit at that.

Thereafter, Harper makes her way back to her family, from whom she has been estranged, following a gun accident. Her sister, Fire (Curstin), is less than impressed to see her sibling back. Word reaches Lion that his tidying up hasn’t been successful, so he sends his top man, First (Peri), to take care of Harper once and for all. Should her family get in the way, who cares? If you’re thinking this could end up blowing back on Lion… yeah. There’s more thought into this than I expected, though the plot remains imperfect. There’s a second woman left for dead in the lake, but that doesn’t appear to go anywhere much.

I did like a lot the setting for this being “black country”, for want of a better phrase. Not seen a film with that background before; this genre is typically light on horse-riding: Beyonce has a lot to answer for, I suspect! The action is a bit of a mixed bag – some moments work considerably better than others – and there’s some very bad CGI for a gas-pump explosion. But the characters are as well-written as the script, with some unexpected elements. For example, Lion is trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter, in a similar way to Harper and her family. Based on this, I’d not be averse to looking at more of Elmore’s work.

Dir: Joseph A. Elmore Jr.
Star: Nyra Lavan, Oshea Russell, King Curstin, Joshua Peri

Support and Defend, by Vannetta Chapman

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Literary rating: ★½
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆

It’s funny. You wait ages for an action heroine novel set in Arizona, then two show up at once. Right on the heels of The Killing Game, we have this, which takes place almost entirely in this state’s most iconic location, the Grand Canyon. Unfortunately, this story falls well short of iconic. In fact, it struggles to reach mediocre, though in its defense, I didn’t realize while reading it, this is the second book in the series. I usually have a rule against starting series in the middle, because they tend to build on what has gone before. So perhaps the flaws here might be rectified if I’d read book one, Her Solemn Oath?

That’s being charitable, and I’m not exactly energized towards finding out. It doesn’t feel like a lack of background is the problem, more a heroine who is too flawed to work. She is Allison Quinn, a special agent for the FBI, who seems to have so much baggage, it feels she should be followed around by her own, personal bellhop. Her father was murdered when she was nine, and twenty-six years later, she’s still obsessed with finding the killer. Allison’s dedication to solving her current case, is largely a result of it potentially offering information that might help with that lifelong crusade. Somehow this seems to have entirely escaped everyone at the FBI.

As has Quinn’s acrophobia, which would make her a singularly unsuitable candidate for a mission involving the mile-deep hole which is the Grand Canyon. Oh, well. She’s going down there anyway, seeking a terrorist nicknamed “Blitz”. He’s involved with a group called Anarchists for Tomorrow, who have a plan to sabotage the nation’s electrical grid, with the aim of sending America back to a pre-surveillance era. There are some kill codes which could stop the attack in Blitz’s possession, and he’s going to hand them over to a buyer. For reasons that are vague, he’s doing so on a river rafting trip at the bottom of the Canyon, and so Allison must descend, with the help of Park Ranger Tate Garcia, and stop the hand-off from happening. 

None of the terrorists’ plot makes much sense, and I’ve been working in IT for approaching forty years. Nor is its unravelling here told in a particularly exciting fashion: the descent into the Grand Canyon seems to take place in real time, and doesn’t serve much point. Chapman does seem to have done her homework, and it feels like there is a decent sense of location (I’ve only peered into the Canyon, never gone into it). But this rapidly becomes more of a slog, with problems of pacing, a climax which left me genuinely flicking ahead to see if that was really it (sadly, it was), and a lengthy coda, serving no significant purpose. As an Arizona resident, I’m somewhere between disappointed and embarrassed.

Author: Vannetta Chapman
Publisher: Independently published, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
Book 2 of 3 in the Allison Quinn thriller series.

Impulse

  By

★★½
“Two’s company…”

This is one of the more successful efforts to spin a conspiratorial narrative – at least until the final act, where it topples over into implausibility. It’s a bit like how QAnon were not wrong about the rich and powerful being involved in sex trafficking… it just wasn’t out of the basement of a pizza restaurant. The heroine here is Sofia (Gudic), a journalist who is investigating a series of odd murders, in which powerful men are killed in highly compromising positions. These are assassinations carried out by an escort-assassin, Theda – yeah, one of the less subtle anagrammatic names I’ve seen – on behalf of a shadowy, super-powerful group of the wealthy and famous, under the oversight of Zane (Cassavetes).

Complicating matters is that Theda (also Gudic) is the spitting image of Sofia, just with dark hair, so when a fellow journalist, David (Ferrigno), see the hitwoman leaving the scene of a killing, he becomes convinced Sofia is moonlighting. Of course, there are only a few possible ways this can be resolved, such as a coincidental doppelganger, long-lost twin sister, or severely split personalities. I won’t reveal which way the film goes. But there is a sharp ring of plausibility to the way the cabal obtain blackmail material in order to get a politician, Governor Hughes (Kirkland) on their side, then manipulate him to do their political bidding. Though perhaps most chilling is the way the group quickly moves on when Hughes is no longer of use.

As someone who used to be into conspiratorial stuff (back when it was still fun, which slowly ceased to be true after 9/11), I enjoyed these elements, and nods to things like mind-controlled assassins. But at the end, it shifts into some kind of occult ritual scenario involving baby sacrifice, which makes the whole thing smell weirdly like misinformation. The powerful will act to retain  or increase their power: there’s no need for any motivation beyond that, including spooky cosplay. Naturally, Sofia – or is it Theda? – is on hand to witness these rituals, and face off against the cabal members in their lair, including both Zane and the person responsible for her situation. Credit the makers for delivering a surprisingly downbeat ending.

Gudic seems to be having adequate fun in her dual roles, though I’d certainly like to have seen more of Theda in action. It feels like her murderous talents are wasted here, even if making someone choke to death on a large, realistic-looking dildo does demonstrate impressive imagination. The ease with which she apparently shrugs off her programming is a bit troubling: if I was an evil overlord, I’d be having words with my abuse-induced control department minions. More action, and to be frank, more gratuitous nudity, would have been welcome. What’s the point of having an escort-assassin who never undresses? [Though there is a scene involving two girls, a bath and a lot of red wine] Overall, I was adequately amused, albeit not much more.

Dir: Patrick Flaherty
Star: Dajana Gudic, Lou Ferrigno Jr., Nick Cassavetes, Rob Kirkland

Black Doves

  By

★★★★
“Never bet against black.”

This was my favourite new television show of 2024, and might have been my pick overall. It’s a very strong mix of action and drama, with a fabulous cast of characters. I think I might have to go back to the first season of Killing Eve to find anything as good in our genre, and it’s not dissimilar in other ways too. Helen (Knightley) is married to Britain’s Minister of Defence, Wallace Webb (Buchan). But unknown to him, she is a Black Dove, mining information from him to pass on to her handler, Reed (Lancashire), for sale to the highest bidder. She’s also having an affair, but her lover is killed, along with two others, in murky circumstances. 

Reed calls in her top assassin, Sam (Whishaw), to protect Helen, fearing she might also be targeted. He has a history with Helen, dating back to before the birth of her children with Wallace. Things spiral out of control, involving the suspicious death of the Chinese ambassador, his missing daughter, a previous hit Sam botched, and Helen’s relentless pursuit of revenge, while trying to keep her family life intact. It’s a lot of balls to keep in the air, but the script does a fine job of avoiding confusion, with the wrap-up proving particularly admirable in its clarity. While I’ve read complaints about it being implausible, I have definitely seen worse. There’s room for both this, and more grounded spy shows like Slow Horses.

If you’re looking for strong female characters, there are a slew here, beyond Helen and Reed. Indeed, it feels like the entire underworld, criminal and intelligence, is run by women, while the “above ground” apparatus is male-dominated. The one I liked best was acerbic Irish killer Williams (Ella Lily Hyland), whose loyalties are uncertain at first. However, all the supporting cast are solid, and the relationship between Helen and Sam is among the best non-romantic ones I’ve seen recently between a man and a woman. Should mention: Sam’s gay. Very gay, to be honest. This annoyed the people that always annoys. But to me, it didn’t feel done for DEI purposes, or get in the way of the story.

It has been a while since we have seen Knightley here: Domino was the best part of two decades ago. Since then? Some slight sword-waving in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, and that’s about it. However, they do a good job of making up for lost time [note: she is not pregnant for the bulk of her action, despite the picture!] There are an especially good pair of fights against assassins sent to take her out, the second of whom is a self-professed big fan. Williams and her female partners also unleash hell, though in her case it tends to be more bullets than punches. A critical and popular success, a second series was already commissioned before the first had aired. If it can maintain the same high standard – unlike Killing Eve – there’s a good chance it’ll be among the best of… well, probably 2026. Can’t wait.

Creator: Joe Barton
Star: Keira Knightley, Ben Whishaw, Sarah Lancashire, Andrew Buchan

Jade

  By

★★★
“Always bet on black…”

Director Bamford has certainly had himself a year. This is the third film of his in 2024 to be reviewed on this site, following Air Force One Down and Hard Home. It’s actually his feature debut, and seems to date back a few years, before getting released. Jade is definitely rougher around the edges than what would follow, although that offers some advantages as well, in that there appear to be more risks taken stylistically. Whether these work or nor is likely a matter of personal taste. For example, how do you feel about a heroine who kills one enemy by throwing her Afro pick at an enemy like a ninja death star, embedding it in his forehead?

Me, I liked it, but have seen other reviews which called it ‘just plain silly’, so to each their own, I guess. It does need some more consistency of tone, I think, and the script is too loose, with elements which don’t matter. The heroine, Jade (West), is a Brit who came over to America with her brother after their parents were murdered, fell in with the wrong crowd and accidentally killed her sibling with a stray bullet. She’s now sworn off guns, but is in trouble after coming into possession of a hard drive, sought after by gang boss Tork (Rourke), with extreme prejudice. While her allies are few, they include her brother’s widow, Layla (McNamara) and a cop investigating things, Reese (Dacascos). 

It’s clear that the main inspiration for Jade is Pam Grier, and her roles in the likes of Coffy and Foxy Brown. This is most apparent in her fabulous Afro, which is so large, you feel it should have its own gravitational well. West is a stuntwoman, a background shared by Bamford, and a lot of the supporting cast too. This comes through, for obvious reasons, in the action, which is reliably well-executed. However, Bamford seems to be trying to find his style, and adopts a few different approaches, not all equally successful. For example, sometimes he goes for a shaki-cam approach. You’d think someone like him would know that’s close to the worst approach when it comes to showcasing stunt work.

As noted, the story has issues too, especially early on, with a particularly rough expositional dump at the beginning. Turns out the whole saga of Jade’s brother and her background in Britain are not very important at all – except for explaining her strong English accent. It’s definitely a case where less would have been more. Still, there’s a good deal to enjoy here, and I will be interested to see where West goes. She seems to have a huge social media presence – 1.1 million followers on something called “Instagram”, whatever that is… Her comic-book style there seems to match the approach in this, and she has potential. As we’ve seen, the same goes for Bamford, and I am looking forward to seeing what he brings to our table, in 2025 and beyond. 

Dir: James Bamford
Star: Shaina West, Katherine McNamara, Mickey Rourke, Mark Dacascos

Dirty Angels

  By

★★★½
“Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.”

It’s important to realize that this is a throwback to movies from an earlier, simpler time. One when action movies could consist largely of a red-blooded American hero, killing evil furreners in spectacularly violent ways. And it didn’t matter much whether the person playing the hero was actually a foreigner themselves i.e. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thirty years later, we are supposed to be more tolerant, and watch films where nuance has replaced shallow stereotypes. We have met the enemy and he is us, or some similar guff. Dirty Angels cares not one whit for such niceties. Its sole concession to ‘progress’, is a hero with a vagina. Who is still actually a foreigner, Eva Green being French. 

She plays Jake, a hard-ass soldier who has been causing trouble for the military brass, since an incident in Afghanistan where the rest of her team was killed. She gets a chance to put things right after ISIS kidnap a batch of girls from a school in Pakistan and take them back over the border. It needs to be a majority female team because reasons, and so we get minions referred to only by their skill-set, e.g. The Bomb (Bakalova) or Medic (Rose). I was a little worried by the latter’s presence: going by her recent films, she should have been called The Bomb. However, she’s a minor presence compared to Green, whose irresistible force beats the immovable object of Rose.

Adding to Jake’s enthusiasm, the ISIS leader behind the kidnapping is Amir (Iskander), the same man responsible for killing her comrades. However, they can’t cross the border armed, so before launching an assault on Amir’s compound, they first need to liberate the necessary weaponry. This all provides Campbell, recently seen here with The Protégé (and he has Daisy Ridley’s The Cleaner out early next year), with plenty of opportunities for some seriously messy violence, and a high body-count on both sides. Throat slitting, head shots and some severe stabbing ensue, though there is some dodgy CGI. An exploding helicopter at the beginning is shockingly bad. Fortunately, it is not a portent of what’s to come, with a lot of good, practical effects work instead. 

In other reviews, I’ve seen a lot of predictable whining from predictable whiners, but the bottom line is, I was entertained. A very significant portion of that is down to Green, whose intensity fuels the whole movie. [This represents a reunion with Campbell, who directed Green for her breakout role in Casino Royale] With someone less effective in the lead role – coughRubyRosecough – this could potentially have been a whole star lower. Again, it is a throwback to times where a crap action film could work, given a star with enough charisma, and once more I’m thinking of Arnie. There’s nothing new or innovative here, certainly. I was not looking for such, just a cacophony of giant fireballs and mild to moderate xenophobia. Sometimes, that really is all you want. It’s the simple things which matter…

Dir: Martin Campbell 
Star: Eva Green, George Iskander, Maria Bakalova, Ruby Rose

Demon Hunter, by Aubrey Law

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Literary rating: ★★½
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆½

I wouldn’t call this great literature, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, in many ways, it’s not very good. But I must admit: I was entertained, and was far from unhappy to realize that I’d picked up an omnibus of books 1-5 further into my reading list. I’m not sure I’m going to bother with reviewing those following installments; certainly not independently, it would be a bulk package, if at all. But I’m going to read them, and probably enjoy them. What’s interesting is, the author has created a protagonist who is, in many ways, a terrible person. But by then pitting them against arguably worse people, the reader is left on her side.

It begins a long time in the past (round about the birth of Christ, I think), when royal princess Annis has to flee after her mother, Amelia, kills her father. Annis had been trained in the dark arts, and vowed to continue building on these skills, until she is eventually powerful enough to take revenge on Amelia. Over a millennium later, her lifespan extended unnaturally and now a skilled Black Witch, Annis is captured by witch-hunters, tortured and executed, her soul descending into hell. After biding her time in torment for centuries, she seizes the chance to escape, finding herself in modern-day Los Angeles and occupying the flesh of a sex slave called Ashley.

She’s not happy about it, and certainly has the skills to punish those unfortunate enough to be on her lengthy list. Methods of dispatch Annis can use include: making your heart explode, forcing you to kill yourself, and – a personal favourite – Exoskeleton, a spell that violently relocates all the victim’s bones to the outside of their body. Given everything she can do, seems odd that the main quest in this book is for a weapon, the Judas Dagger, forged from the thirty pieces of silver paid to Judas Iscariot for his betrayal of Christ. Compared to Exoskeleton, sticking ’em with the pointy end seems very low-energy. Admittedly, there are a lot of entities on her trail too, though so far none pose much of a threat.

You could call this trash, to which I would nod, and reply, “Yes. Your point being…?” So far, there have been precious few indications of pretension or depth, with Annis simply reacting – usually violently – to the circumstances in which she finds herself. There’s hardly a sympathetic character here. Sonja, another sex slave who is rescued by Annis, comes closest but she quickly ends up turned into a ghoul who needs blood to survive, and isn’t too fussy about its source. I hope we get someone who represents a bit more of a challenge for Annis, because when you can stop an opponent’s pulse dead, most battles don’t last long. Albeit a bit guiltily, I confess to being not disinterested in finding out.

Author: Aubrey Law
Publisher: Independently published, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
Book 1 of 7 in the Revenge of the Witch series.

Take the Ice

  By

★★
“Just about skates by.”

There’s no doubt that women’s sports very much plays second fiddle to their male equivalent, though the gap varies from sport to sport. The WNBA is experiencing a surge of popularity, though the NBA is still a financial behemoth. This documentary focuses on ice-hockey, and the debut season in 2015 of the first professional women’s competition in the US, the National Women’s Hockey League. Though semi-professional is closer to the truth: the league could only afford to pay its players around $15,000 a year, meaning almost all of them had to have day jobs, from teachers to paralegals to engineers, to cover the expenses. Commissioner and founder Dani Rylan spends most of her time seeking sources of finance, though finds the men’s league less than thoroughly supportive.

To be honest, I can’t blame them. There’s a vague sense of entitlement coming off the NWHL, not realizing they are largely competing with the NHL for the same fans and money. Why should the NHL help a rival start-up, just because they have women players? That’s the harsh reality here. I respect Rylan for putting in the work and starting the league, but this is capitalist equality in action. There were points at which I wanted to reach into the TV set and remind the NWHL, nobody has a “right” to funding in the world of professional sports. You have to earn it, whether you are male or female, and doing so starts with the quality of your product.

It may have been a mistake to start with just four teams, because with all of them making the playoffs, the entire regular season felt kinda pointless. And how did Boston end up with eight members of the US national team, while none of the other franchises had more than a couple? Wasn’t there some kind of a draft to balance the teams? Unsurpisingly, the Boston Pride won the inaugural championship – without, it seems, too much trouble. The film does make some effort to make this less of a procession, by telling the story of Denna Laing, a player on the Boston team who suffered a spinal injury during a game, which left her paralyzed.

I felt these elements, concentrating on the players and their stories rather than the business, worked better, but were frustratingly brief, except for Laing. There’s not enough of a narrative in the game-play to sustain things, and I suspect I’m an outlier, in that most other people watching the documentary probably will already be well aware how the first season ended. The league is still going, albeit under different ownership, although it’s interesting the film didn’t come out for more than six years after the season covered by it. I’ve been to ice hockey games, both here and back in the UK, and at various levels. But I’d have to say, in contrast to, say, Perfect, there is not much here likely to make a fan, if you weren’t one already.

Dir: Rachel Koteen
Star: Dani Rylan, Denna Laing, Anya Battaglino, Kaleigh Fratkin