Month: December 2021

The New Prometheus, by Andrew Dobell

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Literary rating: ★★★
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆½

The setting is a dystopian version of London, which has become separated into two distinct halves, and classes of residents. It’s a world in which cybernetic enhancements are common. But they come at the cost of a debt – sometimes, virtual enslavement – to the powerful corporations who supply and maintain them. Frankie has resisted these, preferring to retain her humanity, and journeys into the dangerous undercity, to help those less fortunate. But on one such trip, she’s shot and left for dead. Rescued by the renegade Doctor Xenox, she wakes to find herself in a new, artificial and highly-powered body. She’s not too happy about it. Things get worse, for the doctor’s erstwhile corporate employers,  Psytech, consider Frankie v2.0 as their property, and will stop at nothing to get her under control. As a result, with the help of the Doctor, and cop Gibson, she has to fend off the assembled forces of Psytech.

From the title and the lead character’s name, I was expecting more of a Frankenstein theme, but that appears mostly a surface patina. A bigger influence – and this is openly acknowledged in the blurb – would be the likes of Battle Angel Alita, with its young heroine seeking her own identity and self-determination, after having the “benefits” of technology imposed on her. Though the adjustment to her new form is super easy – barely an inconvenience – to the point that I’d be leaving a five-star review on Amazon for the cybernetic implants, and maybe even signing up for that extended warranty. Indeed, there’s disappointingly little internal conflict at all, and that’s where it differs from the various cyberpunk heroines cited as inspiration. Towards the end, there’s a sequence where Psytech hacks its own customers, turning them into meat puppets they can use against Frankie and her allies. Having something like this attempted against her would have helped negate the strong sense she’s over-powered. She largely breezes through her various conflicts, with little if any credible sense of threat to her.

Against this, the world building is pretty good – though, again, the separation into over- and under-class bears more than a slight resemblance to Alita. The concept of “Neo-London”, however, is a nice riff on Akira‘s post-nuclear Neo-Tokyo. I’d liked to have heard more about how it operated, and exactly how the corporations became so seemingly all-powerful. Maybe some more British flavour, too? Although, on the other hand, the ability of one young woman to stand against and defeat everything they throw at her does defuse Psytech’s omnipotence. It does escalate nicely, to a grandstand and action-packed finale after Psytech take over Gibson’s police station. and Dobell does a good job of balancing the need to wrap things up, with opening the door to further volumes. If there’s not an enormous amount new here, and little depth either (it’s not exactly Ghost in the Shell), it’s still well-enough executed to be an adequately entertaining read.

Author: Andrew Dobell
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services, available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
1 of 4 in the New Prometheus series.

Brutal

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★★★
“Certainly lives up to its title.”

No-one does low-budget hyperviolence like the Japanese. Whether it’s pseudo-snuff like Guinea Pig: Flower of Flesh and Blood, or more fantastical entries such as Mutant Girls Squad, there have likely been more memorable entries from that country than any other. Note my use of the word “memorable”, as distinct from “good”, since they aren’t the same. I’d be hard pushed to recommend this to anyone, unless I knew they were predisposed to microbudget horror of a particularly savage type. I probably won’t ever watch it again. But I have to say this: I will remember it. As will Chris, who came in for the denouement, and was literally jaw-dropped by what she saw. I’m not going to spoil it, so apologies if some of what follows is a little vague.

The film is divided into three sections, and after the first one, called “Man”, you’ll be wondering what the hell it’s doing here. For it is a look at the work of a male serial killer (Butch), who kidnaps and tortures women. That’s basically it, for twenty minutes, and the director believes in getting as up close and personal as possible here, with many of the shots being literally “in the face” of either perpetrator or victim. This certainly enhances the claustrophobic intensity, though I could have done without the shaky-cam attempt to establish its cinema verite credentials. “Do you understand what I’m doing?” he demands of his prisoners. Sadly, the correct answer of “No, because you’re a loony” is never given.

Things get more interesting and relevant in the second section, “Woman”, where the roles are reversed. An unnamed woman (Ayano) honey-traps men back to her room, where she kills them. She has a particular fondness for repeated and enthusiastic stabbings in the crotch, which had me shifting uncomfortably on my chair. She’s also rather more psychologically inclined, conversing with her victims, rather than interrogating them. Though eventually, she brings home someone (Nishina) who is aware of her murderous intentions, and is intent on stopping her. The result is a bloody battle – again, shot in close-up – which swings one way then the other, before our “heroine” [quotes rarely used more advisedly] eventually prevails.

This sets up the third and final act, probably inevitably titled “Man and Woman”, in which the two killers cross paths. She follows him to his flat, apparently aware of his tendencies – how is never made clear. Barely have they crossed the doorstep before battle is joined. And if you thought the previous fight was vicious… Hoo-boy. This ends in a double-whammy of revelations, which make sense in one way – they’re clearly perfect for each other – but count among the more batshit crazy things I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some things. While it is somewhat poignant, we know so little about any of the people involved (how could we learn much, given it’s barely an hour between opening and closing credits), the emotional impact is limited. Brutal though? Definitely.

Dir: Takashi Hirose
Star: Butch, Ayano, Takashi Nishina, Katrina Grey

Nicole

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★★★½
“Patience is a virtue.”

If you came into this with absolutely no previous knowledge (including the poster on the right!), you’d be forgiven if you spent the first forty minutes thinking this was an independent drama about the perils of professional dating life in the big city. Then, suddenly, it’s very not. But initially, it’s about Nicole (Shannon), who while she may be a little strange and anti-social, doesn’t seem all that far outside the bounds of normal behaviour. Well, I guess her carting a bottle of hard liquor to work, for drinking sessions in the bathroom, is somewhat problematic. Maybe her imagining dinner with her parents could be a bit of a red flag. [The film makes nice use of switching between b&w and colour, to separate reality from flashbacks and fantasy] But, all told, she’s fairly high-functioning.

That all changes when she goes out on a rare date with John (Green), whom she met through an online app. She’s simultaneously fending off advances from a co-worker (Busey) and neighbour (Lockhart) – it must be said, all the men here fall somewhere on the creepy/predatory spectrum. What we know, but Nicole initially does not, is that John is well toward the latter, with a fondness for date rape and every intention of adding Nicole to his list of dubious conquests. However, her day drinking has given her a remarkable tolerance for alcohol, so when he makes his move, she’s not as drunk as she should be, and fights back, with no shortage of vigour. As well as a knife. That’s where the tone of the film changes drastically. We’re not in Sex and the City any more, Toto.

The rest is considerably closer to pitch-black humour, as Nicole has to come to terms with the consequences of her actions. Realizing what John was intending, she decides simply to dispose of his body. This requires a late-night trip to the hardware store, where the Goth assistant nods approvingly at her selection of tools. Then there’s the actual dismemberment, not helped by John’s corpse continuing to talk to her throughout the process. For example, he requests a refill on his wine, only to realize it’s hard to drink since she’s removed his hands.

This disposal reminded me a little of A Good Woman is Hard to Find, though that was thoroughly serious. There are also elements of Ms. 45. in a blurring of the lines between reality and delusion, which are deftly handled. Regular readers won’t be surprised to learn I preferred this second half of the film. I was actually a bit disappointed things ended when they did, more or less with Nicole’s return to work, and in a maybe or maybe not more well-adjusted state. It felt there was mileage left on the table, with her further adventures as an IT worker, moonlighting as a killer of sexual predators. We can only hope for Nicole 2: Ax Me Anything at some point down the road.

Dir: James Schroeder
Star: Tamika Shannon, Stephen Green, Ke’Shawn Bussey, Tre Lockhart

Cold Blooded Killers

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★★
“In severe need of warming up.”

A confusing mess with some redeeming features, we first see the titular assassin – in either title – Rose (Rose) taking out an entire family in their home. This is notable in two ways. First, how the wife keeps an arsenal of weapons under the sink. Second, how Rose kills the young daughter, after the little girl vows to take revenge when she grows up. This is, unfortunately, as good as it gets. Before long, coherence is left by the wayside. The basic plot involves Rose’s sister Misty, being kidnapped by Hank (Sheridan), in revenge for her killing of his brother. She heads out, accompanied by her sister’s boss Becky (Williams), in search of Hank and Misty.

But there are also a slew – far too many for the script to handle, truth be told – of other assassins, on Rose’s tail, working through some kind of phone app for hitmen. It’s difficult to keep track of them all, and even the movie can’t manage it. For example, at one point, another killer is clearly introduced as Anita, but the on-screen caption calls her Marilyn. I read reports there were issues in production, with control being taken away from the director, and all manner of extra footage shot. That would go some way to explain this jumbled mess, and why it wasn’t released until three years after the initial shoot had finished. Though, of course does not excuse it.

I will say, the final battle is somewhat amusing. Albeit, more for Becky going berserk with a chainsaw, than Rose firing hundreds of bullets at her target, who drops with a feeble three or four blood squibs on his chest. If the film had concentrated on that pair, it might have amounted to something, as their scenes have a rough edge to them that is entertaining to watch. And, let’s face it, the amount of cleavage on view from both is not exactly a detriment. I’ll also acknowledge the presence of legendary scream queen Brinke Stevens, which is never a bad thing, even in little more than a cameo, as here. 

However, the flaws are considerably more numerous. Even though our heroines are fun, we’re never given any real reason to care about either of them. The same goes for the other characters: Hank’s impact is almost entirely limited to his facial hair, and Anita/Marilyn to her costume choices. There is little or no structure, with the grand finale coming out of nowhere, and delivering a twist which neither was a surprise, nor made much sense. I’m also not a fan of copious CGI, which appears to have been used for a lot of the gunplay, and in a sloppy way at that. The end result is something which would probably make a very good trailer, yet would leave any viewer of said trailer, hugely disappointed. For this is 10 minutes of decent content in a 90-minute movie.

Dir: Rickey Bird Jr.
Star: Felissa Rose, Dave Sheridan, Caroline Williams, Steven Chase
a.k.a. Killer Rose

Revenge Ride

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★★½
“Violence isn’t the answer. No, wait…”

Mary (Dubasso) is drugged and raped by three members of the football team at a college party. Believing neither the college authorities nor the police will do anything, she turns to cousin Maggie (Swan) for help, because her relative is a member of the all-female Dark Moon motorcycle gang (eloquent slogan: “Eat my pussy”). Run by Trygga (McIntosh), they take revenge on the rapists, branding their catchphrase on the perpetrator’s asses, and leaving them in full view on the college campus. The fraternity boys don’t take this kindly, and strike back, causing things to escalate towards an all-out war. Complicating matters are Maggie’s increasing feelings for Brian (Boneta), one of the team, though uninvolved in the rape.

If ever they do a Daughters of Anarchy series, McIntosh needs to be the lead She has the perfect physical and psychological presence for the role, and is perfectly cast here. Seeing her, drenched in blood, whacking someone’s brains out with an iron chain, is sufficient reason for this to exist. Unfortunately, it’s about all this has to offer. The script is full of mis-steps, mostly a result of trying to cram too much into a running time which barely reaches 70 minutes before the credits roll. As a result, the relationship between Maggie and Brian feels unconvincing, and Mary’s induction into the gang is also deeply rushed. What, no time as a prospect? From my deep knowledge of their culture (obtained entirely from having watched every episode of Sons of Anarchy), I know it’s not typically harder to get into a sorority than a biker gang.

That said, the idea that three footballers would be able to hold their own against, and pose a threat to, the entire ranks of Dark Moon membership, doesn’t exactly sell them as the set of bad-ass bitches they’re supposed to be. The action scenes also leave a good amount to be desired, McIntosh’s chain-swinging aside, and the finale feels unnecessarily rushed, as if the makers ran out of money and had to end things without getting to film an acceptable wrap-up. Despite efforts to address their absence, the complete lack of interest by the authorities in the mayhem as it unfolds, stretches credulity as well.

Philosophically, it does seem to change its answer in the middle. Is violence acceptable or not? Initially, it seems gung-ho in favour of vengeance. While Mary eventually rejects this, it seems to be only when it threatens to engulf Brian, so appears to be for personal reasons, rather than any modification of her world-view. It feels as if the makers want the audience to reject the notion… while also using it to fuel an adrenaline rush of righteous justice. Perhaps, again, if the film had taken the time to depict Mary’s attitude adjustment, it could have brought viewers along with her. Instead, it all feels a bit hypocritical. I will, however, continue to watch McIntosh in anything and everything.

Dir: Melanie Aitkenhead
Star: Serinda Swan, Pollyanna McIntosh, Vanessa Dubasso, Diego Boneta

Bruised

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★★★★
“Packs a surprising punch.”

Halle Berry was born the same year I was. There is, however, just one of us that is capable of convincingly playing the role of a mixed martial artist. To give you another yardstick, the lead in this was originally going to go to Mrs. Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively (The Shallows and The Rhythm Section), who is more than 20 years younger than Berry. I will admit, Chris did raise one of her sardonic eyebrows at the scene where Halle’s character buys Tampax, and the idea of her having a six-year-old son is perhaps a bit of a stretch. But if you didn’t know the actress has been AARP-eligible for over five years, you’d simply never guess.

This is probably the best movie yet made about women’s combat sports, though that’s not exactly going up against strong competition. The script is probably the only weak element, never escaping the standard clichés; there are very few surprises in its 138 minutes. But just about every other aspect is excellent. The heroine is Jackie Justice (Berry), a former UFC fighter, whose promising career fell apart four years ago. She just lost her job as a cleaner, and is pretty much at rock-bottom. Her boyfriend/”manager”  Desi (Canto) takes Jackie to an underground match, where she is provoked into beating her opponent into a pulp. That gets the attention of a local promoter, who gives her one last shot, a bout against undefeated champion, Lucia “Lady Killer” Chavez (Valentina Shevchenko, the current UFC Women’s Flyweight Champion, whose fight face is genuinely scary!).

Of course, even to reach that point, she has to overcome the inevitable slew of obstacles. Desi’s domestic abuse, the doubts of her trainer, Buddhaken (Atim); and in particular, having her son Manny (Boyd) dumped on her, after the death of his father. Naturally, Jackie is able to rise above them all, and get her moment in the sun. Really, there’s only two possible outcomes – she wins or she doesn’t – and neither are exactly novel. Still, it’s all so earnest that you can’t help be pulled in. Berry sells the tropes with the conviction of her performance, and there are particularly good supporting roles from theatre veterans Atim, and Adriane Lenox as Jackie’s mother.

It’s worth pointing out that this is also Berry’s directorial debut, and it’s a very assured first feature. It never feels long, and about the only thread which felt superfluous was the romantic entanglement with her trainer. The resulting lesbisn canoodling seemed a bit gratuitous and out of sync with the gritty, down to earth feel from the rest of the movie. Fortunately, there are more than enough powerful and excellent scenes, and it’s very easy to get behind the heroine in her quest for redemption. Jackie is a character who comes with a lot of baggage, yet it all just makes her struggle seem all the more real. A shame this, Berry’s portrayal in particular, will likely be overlooked come the Oscars.

Dir: Halle Berry
Star: Halle Berry, Sheila Atim, Danny Boyd Jr, Adan Canto

Astrid’s War: Attack on the USS Valley Forge, by Alan Householder

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Literary rating: ★★½
Kick-butt quotient: ☆☆☆☆

It’s the year 2369, and Astrid Amundsen is an officer in training, in her fourth year at the Annapolis Naval Academy [we’re talking space navy, obviously]. As part of her education, she and four other recruits are assigned as midshipmen on the USS Valley Forge, for what is supposed to be a calm and untroubled mission, twelve light years from Earth. Except, where would the fun, from a literary point of view, be in that? So, it’s not long before the severely out-numbered and out-gunned training ship finds itself under attack by an enemy fleet of Kerleegan craft. Not helping matters, Captain Jefferson appears to be cracking under the strain and making curious decisions. Should Astrid follow orders, even if she honestly feels they imperil the ship? Or should she side with the cadre of officers and their… Well, “mutiny” is such an ugly word.

I certainly can’t argue with the pace of this. It’s very much one peril after another, as Astrid and her allies have to fend off attack craft, boarding attempts and even figure out what to do with an enemy nuclear weapon which has been welded to the floor of the Valley Forge. There’s no doubt it’s a non-stop procession of problems for Astrid to handle, and her cool approach to coming up with solutions is an impressive characteristic. The main problem for me, was the lack of much context here. It would have been useful to have known, for example, how this war against the Kerleegans started, and what it was over. About all we get is, “They seemed to be one of those spacefaring nations, that loves to roam about the galaxy demonstrating what they perceived to be their ascendancy over all other sentient life.” Hmm, seems not unlike what we see of humanity on Earth.

So there’s no real motivation provided for Astrid’s decision to join the Navy (she apparently wants to join the Marines after graduation), and the battle seems to be largely “because they’re rare.” While self-defense and survival are legitimate reasons for most of Astrid and her colleague’s actions, there doesn’t appear to be any kind of Geneva Convention in space, with summary execution of wounded opponents the norm, which I found a bit jarring. The other main issue I had is, the way everyone up to and including the Captain, seems to be very considerate of, indeed almost deferential to, Astrid’s opinion, and she gets a lot of leeway in terms of independent action. Surely – and I speak as someone with no military experience – she’s little more than a raw recruit? She surely would be taking orders, not giving them? All told, to put the flaws of this book in movie terms, Householder appears to be a better action choreographer than a scriptwriter or a director. More work needed on the latter elements, I feel.

Author: Alan Householder
Publisher: None listed, but available through Amazon, both as a paperback and an e-book
1 of 4 in the Astrid Amundsen Military Science Fiction series.

Wolfwalkers

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★★★
“Mononoke Hime, with potatoes…”

Ok, that’s a little harsh. But this very definitely does feel like an Irish take on Princess Mononoke, Hayao Miyazaki’s epic fantasy. This begins with the technical aspects, both animated films rejecting CGI in favour of a more traditional, hand-drawn style. In 1997, when Mononoke came out, that wasn’t so radical: the first fully CGI feature, Toy Story, had come out less than two years earlier. But in 2020, the dominance of CGI is such that Wolfwalkers seems a total throwback; after all, Disney went fully CGI after Winnie the Pooh in 2011. This is a very different style, and if you’re used to the hyper-realistic approach of Pixar, may take some getting used to.

The similarities don’t stop there. Both take place in medieval times, and have a settlement on the edge of the woods in a struggle with nature and its spiritual forces – in particular, as marshaled by a young girl. Another young person ventures into the woods, eventually befriending the girl, and the pair team up to prevent the destruction of the forests in the name of “civilization.” For rural Japan, read rural Ireland in the mid-17th century. For Lady Eboshi in charge of the modern forces, read England’s Lord Protector, Oliver Cromwell (McBurney). This adds a touch of colonialism to the general ecological message here, with Cromwell seeking to subdue the wolves, partly as a demonstration of power over the local population.

There are other differences, too. The heroine here is Robyn Goodfellowe (Kneafsey), the daughter of hunter Bill (Bean), who has come to Ireland to control the wolf population. Robyn wants to help her father, but he’s having none of it. That doesn’t stop her from sneaking into the woods where she meets Mebh Óg MacTíre (Whittaker). She and her mother are wolfwalkers, whose spirits leave their bodies and turn into wolves when they are asleep. They also control the local native canine population. A bite from Mebh turns Robyn into one as well, but Cromwell has captured Mebh’s mother in her wolf form, sending her into a sleep from which she can’t awaken. Robyn tries to convince her father of the existence of wolfwalkers, and broker a peaceful resolution. Neither he nor Cromwell are having any of it, setting up a final confrontation in the forest.

On its own terms, this might have merited a slightly higher score. The problem for me was, it simply reminded me of the strengths of Mononoke. That was considerably more subtle about its message, making Eboshi a much more sympathetic character than Cromwell, who is positively cartoonish in both looks and demeanour. [Spoiler: I’m also fairly sure he wasn’t pushed to his death off a precipice by an Irish lycanthrope]. The approach here is  simplistic in comparison, especially the deeper we get into the story. which probably makes it more appropriate for a younger audience than adults. I still enjoyed it, but doubt there’s much rewatchability to be found here.

Dir: Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart
Star (voice):  Honor Kneafsey, Eva Whittaker, Sean Bean, Simon McBurney

On The Edge

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★★★½
“Makes a good point”

Whenever the Olympics are on, we love watching the weird sports that never get covered the rest of the time. That means things like handball, archery and fencing, so I was particularly interested by this Russian film, based around the quest for gold in the women’s sabre event. While it does struggle to move past the usual cliches of sports films, it’s done with enough energy to work. The two protagonists are Aleksandra Pokrovskaya (Khodchenkova), a veteran coming to the end of a long, successful career, and Kira Egorova (Miloslavskaya), a brash teenager who arrives on the scene with a blast, and whose unconventional style causes fits among other fencers. Aleksandra has one final crack at the prize which has eluded her – an Olympic gold – but Kira poses an unprecedented threat to that ambition. 

Yeah, like I said: it’s pretty much Sportsball Movie #4. You know from the start that Aleks and Kira are going to bash heads, but eventually come to a mutual respect for each other’s talents and abilities. Nor is it any surprise when Kira suffers a potentially career-ending injury, and Aleks overcomes her concerns to nurse her back to health [in fairness, she was partly responsible for the incident]. And could the two fencers possibly end up facing each other in the final match at the Olympics? Wild horses could not drag that answer to that question from my lips. 

Oh, who am I kidding. Of course they do. But it is to the film’s credit that I genuinely did not know how that was going to turn out. For the makers do a very good job of giving us two well-developed characters. Rather than protagonist/antagonist in the Rocky mould, we get two protagonists, each with their own set of motivations and ambitions. Initially, Kira seems the less likable of the pair, but the more we learn about her background, such as the fraught relationship with her father, the more I came to understand her abrasive personality and don’t give a damn attitude. [Khodchenkova may be familiar, as she has appeared in some Western movies, including The Wolverine and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy]

It is an issue that fencing at the top level is astonishingly fast. It’s not like cinematic sword fighting, where battles go on for minutes. Here, if your first attack doesn’t hit the mark, you’re likely to find yourself on the receiving, pointy end of your opponent’s weapon. But Bordukov does a good job of capturing the speed, and making it work for the film’s benefit, rather than its detriment. While there may be precious little about the storyline that’s original, it still makes for an engaging couple of hours. If you weren’t a fencing fan before, this might change your mind. So, that’s fencing out of the way, and we already had our Olympic archery movie. and handball film. I just need to find a synchronized swimming movie – and, don’t be fooled, they are hardcore – then I’ll be happy.

Dir: Eduard Bordukov
Star: Svetlana Khodchenkova, Stasya Miloslavskaya, Sergei Puskepalis, Alexey Barabash

Crimson Crown Wrestling’s Goddess of Gore 2

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★★★½
“Hard to the core.”

I’ve written occasionally about the more extreme end of women’s wrestling, but it appears not for a while. It was back in 2012-13 when I covered IWA Mid-South: Queen of the Deathmatch and FMW: Torn to Shreds. A fair amount of water has gone under the bridge in the field, since I bemoaned “the largely pathetic excuse for it put out by the WWE”. We had the Divas “Revolution” in 2015, which eventually led to the WWE’s first all-female PPV, Evolution, in 2018. Becky Lynch, Ronda Rousey and Charlotte Flair then headlined Wrestlemania that year, the first women to do so.

But it’s still very unlikely you will see mainstream promotions go ‘hardcore’, using weapons and bleeding. That said, in March this year, AEW had a somewhat controversial match between Britt Baker and Thunder Rosa, which ended with both participants wearing the crimson mask. Generally, however, if you want that – and if you don’t, that’s perfectly fine too, for I appreciate this is not to everyone’s taste – you need to dig down into the world of independent wrestling.

Which brings us to CCW’s Goddess of Gore 2, held at American Legion Post #335 in South Gate, California, on October 3rd, before a crowd of… dozens. Okay, that is a bit snarky. We have worked for and patronize a lot of independent federations locally, and the crowd for them is typically along similar lines, between one and two hundred. That is a bit sad, because given what the participants go through, they deserve more. Then again, tickets for this show started at forty bucks, which is easily twice the price of what we’d pay here in Arizona. Maybe, like petrol, professional wrestling just costs more in California.

The format was simple: eight women in a knockout tournament, so the winner would need to win three matches in the night to take home the trophy. The participants were a broad mix, including veterans and relative newcomers. Ironically, the former included Mickie Knuckles, who was the winner of 2006’s Queen of the Deathmatch. The others included Randi West, who has been fighting even longer then Knuckles, starting her pro career in 2002; Mariah Moreno, a transgender wrestler; and the wonderfully named Ludark Shaitan, who came up from Mexico for the event.

Things did take a little while to get going, with the first match almost blood-free. However, things escalated thereafter, with the next bout, between Knuckles and Ruby Raze including – and I wrote all this down – fluorescent light tubes, a TV set, an apparently real beer bottle (which failed to break on the victim’s head!) and a weed-whacker. This was more like the kind of insane mayhem I expected, given the title. In terms of pure wrestling, the third match might have been the best, in which “Pumpkin Queen” Sage Sin prevailed over “The Patron Saint of Filth” Christina Von Eerie [Yeah, no pro wrestler ever undersells themselves!]

But it was in the semi-finals where the carnage ramped up to another level. West faced Shaitan, who deserves credit for wrestling back-to-back matches, with little or no rest (at over 11 minutes, this was also the longest bout in the tournament). It ended with West beating Shaitan, after driving her through a door, after coming off the top rope. There may also have been a cheese-grater involved. [Quick aside here: despite the small attendance, I did find CCW’s presentation of the event quite impressive and professional. It was helped in particular by commentators Kris Kloss & Kikyo, who managed to be both enthusiastic and informative]

The other final saw Knuckles taking on Sage Sin, and certainly had some of the more… original items. A car windshield was propped up in one corner, and at one point, Sin tried to drive Knuckles through an ironing-board. That particular move ended with Mickie’s head catching the edge of the board, in a sobering reminder that, especially in this kind of wrestling, shit happens. Still, Mickie was able to recover, surviving that and being swatted with a fan of light tubes. She reached the final, albeit with the help of some outside interference. This may have made more sense in the broader scheme of CCW storylines; to this casual viewer, however, it seemed rather pointless.

So: West vs. Knuckles it was, proving that experience matters. Neither might be exactly what a non-fan would think of as lady wrestlers – lady truckers might be a bit cruel, yet not unfair – but you can’t argue about what really matters. That would be their willingness to put their bodies on the line for our amusement. In the beginning, they were chained to each other with barbed-wire, and the ring hadn’t even been cleared of the debris left over from the semi-finals. It did not take long before both women were bleeding: Mickie had the worst of the early exchanges, as Randi stapled her shirt to her opponent’s head, then used it to choke her.

The ring, by this stage, was awash in broken glass, thumbtacks, beer and god knows what else, making things even more treacherous. It was only when West was able to throw Knuckle through the windscreen, and cover her for the pin. But it was kinda touching how, after the bout, Knuckles spoke in glowing terms about her veteran opponent. West, too, seemed genuinely moved by having won an actual trophy: “In wrestling, you don’t get a lot of tangible rewards.” Yeah, pro wrestling is staged, I know. But having seen what West had gone through over the course of one night, I’m in agreement with the crowd and their chants of “You deserve it!”

Promotion:: Crimson Crown Wrestling
Star: Mickie Knuckles, Randi West, Sage Sin, Ludark Shaitan