The Machine

★★★½
“Rise of the Robots”

the machineA little way in the future, a cold war between China and the West is beginning to heat up. In an underground base, Vincent McCarthy (Stephens) is doing research into cybernetic implants that can help injured soldiers lead productive lives. He’s also working on a fully self-aware android. His boss, Thompson (Lawson) likes this because of the potential military uses; McCarthy is actually doing it as a potential way of helping his mentally-disabled daughter. He gets a new assistant, Ava (Lotz), whose radical politics are viewed with suspicion by Thompson, yet there’s no denying her knowledge, and McCarthy also uses Ava as the template for his android’s persona. When she is killed by a Chinese agent, McCarthy activates the android, called “Machine”. and Thompson sees his chance to shape into a prototype for a new generation of artificial soldiers., super-strong, lightning fast and unburdened by that pesky morality thing. He blackmails McCarthy into removing Machine’s conscience, only to find she has entered into an electronic alliance with the soldiers that received implants, who are now working as guards on the base.

The start of this rang bells. I think I made an effort to watch this before, and gave up for some reason, likely related to it taking a while to get anywhere beyond its obvious low-budget limitations, i.e. early on, it forgets the need to show, don’t tell and is frankly, too chatty. However, once Ava turns into Machine, it becomes a good deal more interesting. It remains somewhat derivative in certain aspects, though it’s hard for any low-budget SF film ever to be entirely original: Species and Blade Runner would appear the most obvious inspirations, asking what it means to be human, yet taking the form of a very non-human life-form. Chuck in some Frankenstein, a bit of 2001, and it seems to have some Eve of Destruction in there as well, through the “military experiment gone rogue” angle. However, it’s most effective when going its own way, whether in storyline or style: there’s one stunning sequence where Machine isn’t doing much beyond walking, and is literally glowing from within. Beautifully executed, it shows what imagination and ingenuity can do, even on limited resources.

The movie’s other strength is Lotz who, as the picture above shows, genuinely looks like she could kick your ass if she wanted to, a refreshing change from some of the wispier action-heroines I’ve seen recently. [I’m looking at you, The Lady Assassin…] I may have to start watching Arrow, on which she plays Black Canary: her background as a dancer serves her well, and she also projects a wide-eyed innocence which appears appropriate to her “newborn” status. But the latter might be as much for show, since it’s coupled with a steadily escalating awareness that the things Thompson wants her to do, might be morally ambiguous, at the very least. More intelligent than the average genre entry (if perhaps not as smart as it thinks), Caradog and his crew demonstrate a clear talent for making a little go a long way. I look forward to seeing what he does in future – and Lotz is likely also a name on which to keep an eye, as well.

Dir: Caradog W. James
Star: Caity Lotz, Toby Stephens, Denis Lawson, Pooneh Hajimohammadi

Cyborg 2

★★★
“The film that launched a thousand lips…”

cyborg2Before there was Salt, before there was Mrs. Smith, before there was even Lara Croft, there was Cash Reese. For Angelina Jolie got her start as a grown-up actress in this 1993 sequel to a Jean-Claude Van Damme action film. She plays a cyborg pumped full of liquid explosives by her creators, Pinwheel Robotics, with the aim of being dispatched to assassinate the board of their Japanese rivals, Kobayashi Electronics. However, Cash is busted out from their complex by employee Colton Ricks (Koteas) along with a mysterious virtual guide known as “Mercy” (Palance). Unwilling to let their investment go, Pinwheel unleash psychotic bounty-hunter, Danny Bench (Drago) to track her down, before the pair can escape to Mombasa, a free zone for independent cyborgs.

“After I saw it, I went home and got sick,” said Jolie. Really? Damn, she must have hurled like Regan MacNeil after watching The Cradle of Life then, for this isn’t all that bad. Sure, it’s cheap, and rips off Blade Runner shamelessly in its visual style. However, it benefits immeasurably from an above average cast, who are all good for their roles. While Jolie’s lack of acting experience is certainly apparent, this doesn’t work against her character, an artificial person who is getting to experience the real world for the first time. Koteas is decent as the rugged hero – even though Cash is obviously stronger, quicker and probably smarter than he is. This does make the film’s finale somewhat dumb: in it, Ricks takes on Bench in a fight to the death, in order to win money for their passage to Mombasa, even though the rest of the film strongly suggests it’s Cash who would have a better chance of beating the hunter.

However, we must not forget the supporting cast who certainly help carry this, in particular Palance. His is mostly a voice performance, his lips appearing on video screens along the way to direct and assist Cash and Ricks, and brings an understated gravitas to proceedings they really don’t deserve. At the other end of the performance spectrum, yet equally fun to watch, is Drago, chewing scenery in memorable fashion. And we mustn’t forget Karen Sheperd as Chen, another hunter trailing Cash, leading to some good action there too. The script was originally intended as a standalone film called Glass Shadow [the name of the bio-explosive], which may explain why there’s no apparent connection to the original movie – as the not necessarily entirely accurate sleeve shown suggests, it was released this way in some territories. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and purely for opening the door to Jon Voight’s little girl, and the much bigger, (mostly) better things to come, definitely is deserving of a certain regard.

Dir: Michael Schroeder
Star: Elias Koteas, Angelina Jolie, Jack Palance, Billy Drago

She Are the Robots: the top 10 female cyborgs in film and television

slice-metropolisFor the purposes of this list, I am deliberately using a fairly vaguer definition of the term “cyborg”, probably looser than the Wikipedia-approved one of “a theoretical or fictional being with both organic and biomechatronic parts.” While some of those discussed below certainly fall into that description, I also include entirely artificial creations – whether mechanical or “vat-grown”, shall we say – even if the former may technically be robots rather than cyborgs, and the latter are, in the words of the Tyrell Corporation, “more human than human”. I’m really not interested in getting hung up on specific terminology, and will cut anyone who decides to whine about it. And no, I wouldn’t dare do other than put these in chronological order…

Maria – Metropolis (1927)

The original, not least because the term “cyborg” wasn’t actually created until 1960. Heck, even the word “robot” was only invented earlier that decade, by Czech playwright Karel Čapek. Must confess, I find sitting through the restored version of Fritz Lang’s classic highly soporific. Blasphemy it may be, but I prefer the shorter, Giorgio Moroder edit. But there no denying the pivotal role of the Maschinenmensch built by the inventor Rotwang, in memory of his one true love. However, she is used by the authorities to replace a workers’ leader, Maria, and foment violent rebellion which can then be crushed by Metropolis’s leaders. She may be the first, but Maria – played by 19-year-old Brigitte Helm, an actress with no previous film experience – combines two frequently seen aspects in the genre: the ‘perfect woman’ and the deceptive snake.

Galaxina (1980)Galaxina – Galaxina (1980)

Not to be taken seriously at all, but a surprising amount of fun, following the space-cop crew of the Infinity, as embark on a 54-year mission to save the powerful Blue Star [Ahh-aaaah… No, I’ve not had a seizure: every time it’s mentioned in the film, a choir erupts] from falling into the wrong hands. Galaxina is the ship’s pilot, and only real competent member; when the rest of the crew comes down with a nasty case of whiplash, she has to venture out onto a prison planet by herself. Despite starring Playboy playmate Dorothy Stratten – tragically murdered by her estranged husband just a couple of months after Galaxina opened – this is chaste, but no less entertaining for it. Spoofing everything from Dark Star to Alien, for me, this is a good deal more amusing than Spaceballs.

Pris – Blade Runner (1982)

Has there been a single more influential film in the SF genre over the past forty years? It’s easy to forget this wasn’t a big hit on its initial release – 27th at the US box-office that year, just above Airplane II – but is now regarded as one of the all-time classics. Of the three female replicant characters, I wish they’d given more time to Zhora Salome (Joanna Cassidy), as she may be the baddest-ass of the bunch, more than capable of taking on Deckard until he unsportingly guns her down. But Daryl Hannah’s Pris Stratton turns out to be a great deal more than the “basic pleasure model” she is initially disparaged as, proving both smart and deadly alongside Roy Batty in their quest for more life. Has not just stood the test of time, this has actually improved significantly with age.

Eve – Eve of Destruction (1991)

While largely a cheerful B-action flick, this also contains elements of the Frankenstein myth, with scientist Dr. Eve Simmons (Renée Soutendijk) creating new life in the form of a robot, that doesn’t just look like her, it also contains much of her mental attributes, both good and bad. When things goes wrong – this is my unsurprised face there – the inhibitors are cast aside, and Robo-Eve is free to deal with all the insecurities and psychological detritus that Human-Eve would never dare handle. It’s almost liberating – or would be, if not for the high body-count left in Robo-Eve’s wake, which triggers more angst than anything. Add Robo-Eve in a bright-red leather jacket, and you’ve got the stuff video-store dream displays are made of.

Cash Reese – Cyborg 2 (1993)

While not the most critically-loved film on the list, to put it mildly, this is the film that launched the career of a very young Angelina Jolie. Not that she appears particularly grateful, saying, “I saw it and I threw up. Just nausea… But I was 17 and I think I thought I was making a real movie.” It’s not actually that bad. Sure, it’s almost a role-reversal of Blade Runner with a psychotic hunter chasing after our two leads, albeit lacking the big names and high production values, and Jolie is a mere fragment of what she’d go on to become. However, it’s hardly the worst film with a future Oscar winner: the supporting cast certainly help pick things up, with Jack Palance (just a couple of years after he won his own Academy Award) and Billy Drago especially entertaining.

Battle Angel Alita (1995)Alita – Battle Angel Alita (1993)

There are a million good reasons to hate Avatar. The relevant one here, is that production on its sequels has stopped James Cameron from his long-reported adaptation of Yukito Kishiro’s manga, published in 1990, which became a pair of OAVs, and that I really must get round to reviewing here.  It’s about an android, found on a garbage heap and repaired, and her quest for identity in a 26th-century dystopian world where the elite live in the sky, far above the grimy surface. Spine-theft, hyper-violent sports and painful loss ensues. Cameron first approached Kishiro in regard to an adaptation back in 1998, and had a “very good” script as long ago as 2009. But with two Avatar sequels to come first [oh, be still my beating heart], maybe… 2020? Sheesh.

Motoko Kusanagi – Ghost in the Shell (1995)

Much like Dirty Pair, Masamune Shirow’s manga has spawned a confusing network of spin-off adaptations, which may or may not be related. There are two animated features (with a third due out this summer); a television series which ran for two seasons and concluded in its own movie; a prequel OAV series, Ghost in the Shell: Arise; plus further books, manga based on the adaptations, video games, etc. Its universe, set in a near-future where cybernetic augmentation has become common, as seen in its heroine, a squad leader in Japanese law enforcement. Beyond that… Well, I clearly have a great deal of catching up to do, before the live-action version scheduled for release in April 2017, starring Scarlett Johansson.

Number 6 – Battlestar Galactica (2003)

One of the twelve known Cylon models, this one could have been Number 3 (played by another renowned action heroine, Lucy Lawless) or Number 8. But, let’s face it, #6 is the most striking and photogenic. What I remember most about the early going in this series, was the paranoia it induced – because anyone could be a Cylon, and they might not even know themselves, which is a hell of a defense against discovery. Interesting trivia note: while Number 6 was played by Canadian model Tricia Helfer, another candidate for the role was Melinda Clarke, who would go on to the role of Amanda on Nikita. Would have made for a rather different vibe, I think, though Helfer is great, playing the multiple incarnations of her character with a fascinating range of subtle differences.

T-X – Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Just as T2 upped the ante on the original by switching Arnie from villain to hero, so T3 did so by adding a “gender war” component to things. Played by Kristana Loken, who has subsequently carved out a minor career for herself as an action heroine, most obviously in the Bloodrayne franchise, but also in Bounty Killer and Mercenaries. She’s just about perfect here, and the battles between her and the T-850 are just hellacious, lengthy brawls. With both being artificial, there’s not the creepy “spousal abuse” vibe you sometimes get with male vs. female fights, and everyone just goes for it. I would admit, this is somewhat short of the first two films, though that’s mostly a testament to how near-perfect those are. It’s certainly a hell of a lot better than Terminator: Salvation.

Äkta människor (2012)Bea – Äkta människor (Real Humans) (2012)

I wobbled over whether to include this, since its mere presence is a big spoiler. However, the name by itself won’t give away too much, and the odds are you won’t have seen this Swedish TV series. Though that’s a shame, since it’s an enthralling exploration of a society where androids are part of everyday society, and what happens when a tiny percentage of them are given full self-awareness. For some, this is a good thing; but for others, it causes resentment as they appreciate their inferior place in human society, and they prepare the ground for a battle to take what they see as their birthright. There’s scheduled to be an English-language remake on AMC (US) and C4 (UK) later this year: it’s going to have to go some, to live up to the high standards of its inspiration.

Honorable mentions:

  • Jamie Summers (The Bionic Woman, 1976 + 2007);
  • Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Voyager, 1995);
  • Annalee Call (Alien: Resurrection, 1997)
  • Max Guevera (Dark Angel, 2000);
  • the Buffybot (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 2000);
  • KAY-Em 14 (Jason X, 2001);
  • River Tam (Firefly, 2002);
  • Cameron (The Sarah Connor Chronicles, 2008);

And androids also appear…

Cut Off

★★
“Can only dream of being a competent movie.”

cutoffRich-bitch heiress Patricia Burton finds her easy life yanked out from under her, after her millionaire father stops her allowance and requires her to get a job. Rather than anything legal, she opts, along with dumb boyfriend Pauly (Nicholas) and his friendly drug dealer, opt to rob a check-cashing store. That goes badly wrong, and they’re forced to hijack an ambulance which is transporting a stabbing victim to hospital. That doesn’t exactly solve their problems, as the local cops are on their trail after the drug dealer is arrested, whole the patient in the back (Kurupt) also turns out to have gang ties, and so is none too keen to meet the police either. How will Patricia handle the multiple threats?

The makers must have called in a lot of chips here, since the supporting cast is impressive and well above average in terms of star power. Patricia’s parents are portrayed by McDowell and Faye Dunaway, while also in the cast are Anne Archer, James Russo and Clint Howard. However, these fail miserably to cover up the flaws in the script, which is full of massive plot-holes. Apparently, when you hijack a vehicle in Tucson (hey, local interest to this Arizona resident!), for the first few hours, the authorities will only send a single patrol car, containing two vanilla officers, to keep an eye on you. And if you’re in a siege situation, you can just wander out the back, because the police won’t bother to cover it. I will admit, these inconsistencies are addressed with a final twist. On the other hand, that simply replaces it with a far worse, cop-out, which I’ll avoid spoiling, except to say I was warned against it by my English teacher when I was seven. This is, however, probably the only GWG film which explicitly nods for inspiration to The Wizard of Oz.

It’s a difficult role for Brooks, especially given her lack of experience, because the film starts off by making Patricia borderline repellent, and she has to spend the rest of the film pulling the audience back from this initial dislike. There are a number of flashbacks, which explore her relationship with her father, and make it clear that her brattishness and delinquency are largely cries for his attention. However, this may be a case of ‘too little, too late,’ and while you can admire the strength of personality she is shown as developing over the course of the proceedings depicted here, it’s a quality which also has its impact undercut by the final twist. The influence of Quentin Tarantino is clearly present in an excess of mind-numbingly meaningless dialogue, and if I remain a sucker for an action heroine with a British accent, that isn’t enough to salvage what is closer to an ill-conceived mess.

Dir: Gino Cabanas + Dick Fisher
Star: Amanda Brooks, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Kurupt, Malcolm McDowell

Duelist

★★★
“A triumph of style over content”

DuelistposterNamsoon (Ha) is a hard as nails detective in medieval Korea. While working undercover at a market on a counterfeiting case, she encounters a masked man (Kang), and battles him before he vanishes, though not before she manages to cut away a fragment of his mask revealing his ‘Sad Eyes’ – the name by which he is known for the rest of the film. What is his tie to the forged money? And why has be been seen going into the house of a powerful government Minister Song (Song)? Namsoon and her mentor, Ahn (Ahn) investigate, though the closer they get to the truth, the more perilous things become, not least because she begins to fall for Sad Eyes, especially after infiltrating Song’s mansion as a courtesan – a task for which she is singularly unsuited. After a public incident, while Ahn has to fire Namsoon from the police force, this is merely a ruse, allowing her to go after the final piece of evidence they need to raid Song’s mansion and bring down his operation.

Rarely have I seen a more beautifully-shot film. Truly, this picture is as pretty as a… er, picture. The cinematography is top-notch, offering a sumptuous feast of visuals that mixes styles and techniques to great effect, and freeing the movie from bothering with banal chores like dialogue for extended periods. Unfortunately, neither the story nor the characters are a match for the look and feel, leaving the viewer largely to admire the film, rather than being engaged by or liking it. As I recall, the director’s previous film, Nowhere to Hide, had much the same issue, pitting two (male, there) adversaries against each other, in a rain-drenched landscape that was emotionally distant – but, boy, did it look good. Here, the action is extremely stylized, resembling a modern dance routine more than a fight in some cases, or even, as one character puts it, “It was like they were making love under the moonlight.” I also sense there are creative anachronisms at work: did they even have cops, never mind lady ones, at this time? However, the biggest weakness is likely the sudden way Namsoon falls for Sad Eyes; she doesn’t seem at all like the kind of person who would do that, and since this supposed relationship is at the film’s emotional heart, it’s a flaw that may explain why this feels so uninvolving.

Under other circumstances, this could well be a fatal flaw, yet there’s still enough for your enjoyment in the eye candy department to make this worth watching, even at a fairly long 111 minutes. One senses that Lee is much more interested in the technical aspects of cinema, rather than the emotional one of connecting with the audience. I can appreciate that side, certainly, yet for a film to be truly successful, there needs to be some yin to go along with the yang, or what results will seems frustratingly incomplete.

Dir: Lee Myung-se
Star: Ha Ji-won, Kang Dong-won, Ahn Sung-ki, Song Young-chang

Warrioress

★★★
“Cecily, Warrior Princess”

warrioriessThis is one I’ve been aware of since as far back as 2010, but it seemed to have been lost in post-production hell, so I was surprised to see this had finally got a release, coming out on DVD in its home territory of the UK last May. It’s one of those films where you need to know, going in, that this is not a slick Hollywood blockbuster with massive production values, and instead is clearly a work of love for those involved, doing their best with limited resources. In fact, I can’t really do better in setting those expectations than another review, which said the film was, “Best described as ‘Xena filmed on a Doctor Who-circa-1980 budget by way of a Robin of Sherwood LARPing weekend'”. I can’t really improve much on that, though would perhaps add, “Set on Steampunk Sunday at your local Renaissance Festival.”

The story is triggered by a prophecy, which sees Boudiccu (Fey) first win custody of a pair of legendary weapons, then journey through a post-apocalyptic landscape, where humanity has largely reverted to tribal savagery. However, the crypto-fascist Falonex clan still appear to have a handle on some old-school technology and appear to be massing to establish their dominance. On the way to the prophesied location, where she will face another warrioress in a battle which will hopefully lead to a champion rising who can defeat the Falonex, Boudiccu is joined by White Arrow (Simpson), who is seeking revenge on those who killed her family. Or something. They have to fend off attacks, share flashback sequences and, eventually, have a twist revealed in their relationship that should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone paying attention.

What works? Simple: the action, led by Fay. She’s a tiny thing – 4’9″! – yet it’s entirely convincing, because the style of her fights don’t show her using strength and power to beat her opponents (which would be implausible), they instead emphasize skill, quickness and agility, which she has in spades. Credit, too, for Boyask, who consciously avoids the rapid-fire style of editing, knowing that the best thing he can do with a talent like Fay, is point the camera in her direction, then let her get on with it. [Sometimes, knowing not to do anything is more important than trying to do it] There’s a battle, not long after Boudiccu leaves her village, in which she takes on half-a-dozen other women, which is just glorious: it’s probably the best action heroine sequence ever to come out of the UK. But therein lies a problem, in that nothing during the hour thereafter is as great: good, sure, sometimes very good, but the final battle in particular feels like a letdown.

What doesn’t work? Sadly, way too much of the stuff between the fights, which feels like a slapdash grabbing of elements lifted from elsewhere, lobbed into a storyline which might just about have passed muster on a wet Sunday at my college D&D society. The efforts at generating any kind of broad, post-apocalyptic landscape are feeble, particularly the Falonex, who are represented by a ropey CGI backdrop and the interior of a single tent, which does not succeed in making them the kind of global threat they are supposed to be, especially since their scenes are play largely for laughs. But what’s really missing from the dialogue and performances, is any sense of intensity. They’re purely functional, intended to get the story from A to B (where A and B are almost certainly fight scenes). It’s clear from the action scenes, everyone involved had a passion for what they were doing there. Unfortunately, that passion is absent from everywhere else, and weakens the overall product to an extent that many will be unable to look past the flaws, and appreciate the positive attributes to be found here.

Dir: Ross Boyask
Star: Cecily Fay, Joelle Simpson, Christian Howard, Merrilees Fay Harris

88

★★★
“Not entirely forgettable.”

88More by accident than design, this is the third film I’ve seen in the past couple of weeks which features amnesia as a plot-device. It’s a bit of a scripting minefield, since it’s easy to become a crutch for the writer, with the amnesia being “cured” at the moments necessary to the plot. You need a lot of discipline to avoid this: Memento is likely the platinum standard for this being done well, and to be honest, most other efforts come up short in comparison. This is no different, with an absolutely key piece of data being withheld from the audience [and the lead character] until dramatically convenient at the end – though it doesn’t exactly take Nostradamus to figure it out in advance. Gwen (Isabelle) find herself eating in a diner, with absolutely no memory of how she got there. Checking her purse, she finds a gun, and accidentally shoots a waitress. Fleeing the scene, she also discovers a key to a motel room, #88. Going there, she finds more questions than answers. What was her relationship to local mobster, Cyrus (Lloyd)? Did her really kill her boyfriend, Aster? Who is Ty (Doiron), the cheerful killer who is helping her? And why does everyone keep acting as if she’s a stone-cold killer?

This opens with a caption explaining the concept of the “fugue state”, which Wikipedia tells me is “characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality, and other identifying characteristics of individuality… and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity.” I note that the section there on this disorder in popular culture, is rather longer than the list of real-life incidents, since it’s pretty much an open invitation to scriptwriters, to sculpt as they see fit. The key question is how interesting the story would be without the conceit. Here, I give it a qualified passing grade, since both Gwen and Cyrus are interesting characters, the former particularly when she’s in bad-girl mode, and just not giving  damn [the same can be said about Isabelle’s most well-known performance, as a teenage werewolf in the wonderful Ginger Snaps] It’s also fun to see Lloyd, better known for his mad scientist in Back to the Future, playing a sleazy scumball, But I can’t help thinking the fractured timeline doesn’t actually add all that much to proceedings, and is only made necessary by that single point of data mentioned above. It could have been played as a straightforward revenge flick, without the psychological trappings, and been little or no less effective.

The style here is a mix of the effective and the irritating. The soundtrack seems particularly intrusive, as if the director simply set her iTunes collection on random and let it play, and the shootout at the bowling alley ends with the characters skipping merrily away across the lanes, which as someone who has tried to walk down one knows, is wildly unrealistic [a over-energetic bowl had led to my wedding ring following the ball, and I can state confidently, it’s the only location where the physics of a Tom and Jerry cartoon is actually a good approximation to real life!] But even if you work out where this is going, the underlying story is a solid one, and Isabelle’s performance does a good enough job of compelling attention, to make for a passable 90 minutes of entertainment.

Dir: April Mullen
Star: Katharine Isabelle, Christopher Lloyd, Tim Doiron, Michael Ironside

Girl’s Blood

★★★
“All over the bloody place.”

girls blood2I’m very confused, at to who is the target audience here. It’s part earnest drama about serious social issues, including gender identity and spousal abuse. But it also depicts a hardcore underground fight-club, “Girl’s Blood” in which women battle it out for the gratification of spectators. However, don’t expect a Japanese version of Raze, for while the fights are well-staged [Sakamoto has a good track record, most recently having done 009-1: The End of the Beginning], it has all the class of WWE’s Divas division and amateur night at your local strip-club, combined. For it panders shamelessly to every sexist stereotype imaginable, from sexy nurse through sexy schoolgirl to sexy idol singer. And don’t even get me started on the mud wrestling, filmed with such prurient camerawork, I was genuinely embarrassed for the participants. Then there’s copious and lengthy lesbian sex scenes, which appear to have strayed in from another genre altogether, albeit filmed with a good deal more style and bigger budgets than usual for such fare.

The central character is Satsuki (Haga), the club’s best fighter, but who is estranged from her family and refuses to change with the other girls. Her position as top dog is challenged by the arrival of Chinatsu (Tada), well-versed in MMA techniques. After the two have become close, personal friends, if you know what I mean, and I think you do, it turns out that she’s working without the knowledge of her abusive husband (Hideo) , a karate master who is unimpressed by the unsanctioned nature of these bouts. He abducts Chinatsu and brainwashes her back into submission; worse, still, he threatens to have Girl’s Blood closed down. There’s only one way to settle things: that old chestnut of a school-vs-school battle, in which his top three students will face off against Satsuki two of her colleagues: if they win, Girl’s Blood becomes official, but if they lose, they will have to disband forever [because, apparently, this is how sanctioning martial-arts works in Japan]. You will be unsurprised to hear this contest all comes down to the final match, which sees Satsuki facing off against Chinatsu.

I watched the Director’s Cut version which runs 128 minutes, and wonder if this is perhaps part of the problem; maybe the regular edition has a better consistency of tone or genre. Personally, I dug the action (and, fortunately, there’s no shortage), was disinterested in the drama, and gave severe consideration to fast-forwarding through the soft-core porn, while giving thanks under my breath that my wife was out. Not that she minds: however, the stream of sarcastic comments which would surely have resulted, might well have sunk what chance the film had of any serious evaluation. I’d be hard-pushed to argue with her in this case. While this could truly be described as a film with something for everyone, there are equally significant elements which will be of no interest – or even actively off-putting – for just about anybody. If the creators had made their minds up what they wanted this to be, the end result would likely have been stronger.

Dir: Koichi Sakamoto
Star: Yuria Haga, Asami Tada, Ayame Misaki, Sakaki Hideo
a.k.a. Aka X Pinku