Month: March 2014

Fast Lane

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★★
“The Farce and the Furious.”

fastlaneAfter a freeway chase ends in a fatal crash, a policewoman (Lizette) goes undercover to infiltrate the warring gangs of car thieves responsible. As “Baby” Martinez, she helps Eve (Lethridge) evade capture by an irate car-owner and, as a result, is recruited to join  the all-female group of which Eve is a part, operating under the protection of Mama (Olivia Brown). However, Eve has a past to contend with, having defected from the gang led by Knight (Parker) – and worse still, taken his classic car with her. Unknown to her, the trunk holds a stash of drugs, whose loss leaves Knight feeling the heat from those in the criminal food chain above him. As a result, he’s prepared to go to any lengths to recover his property.

It’s not very exciting, in part because it’s painfully obvious that all the cars used here, clearly had to returned to their owners in the same condition in which they were received. Thus, this is a movie about stealing fast cars, in which no-one goes very fast, or even bumps into anything, which kinda dilutes the point of having them to begin with. The low budget is also apparent elsewhere, with a lot more dialogue than action, and people doing a lot more talking about stuff, than actual stuff. The performances are a bit variable. Lizette is okay as the lead, and I’d actually like to have seen more of Mama, whose potentially interesting back-story deserved further development. On the other hand, Parker [whom you may recognize as Dozer from The Matrix] appears to be trying way too hard to channel the late Michael Clarke Duncan, and across the board, we get a bit too much posing and not enough acting. Stephen Bauer plays the police detective supervising the operation, and literally phones in half of his lines, since he seems to spend most of his time on the police radio.

There’s some dubious logic here, with supposed boss Knight doing far too much of his own dirty work – that’s why you have minions – on the way to a finale where the guns finally come out, and the police conveniently show up at just the right moment. I went into this with minimal expectations, of little more than 75 minutes time passing without me sliding into unconsciousness. It just about managed to reach that low-hanging standard.

Dir: David Betances
Star: Melina Lizette, Anthony Ray Parker, Kenyetta Lethridge, Steven Bauer

Relic Hunter: season one

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★★★
“Sydney Fox and the Temple of Tomb.”

relichunterMore or less shamelessly ripping off Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider in equal measures, this Canadian TV series ran for three seasons and 66 episodes between 1999 and 2002. The heroine is Sydney Fox (Carrere), a Professor of history at “Trinity University,” who is renowned for her ability to track down historical artifacts lost for centuries – and, unlike some of her colleagues in the business, return them to their rightful owners. She is assisted on the road by Nigel (Anholt), her British assistant who is smart, but far happier in a library than taking part in the globe-trotting or fist-fighting, in which Sidney revels, and back at base by Claudia (Booth), her bubble-headed secretary who got the job largely because her father is a major donor to the college.

The episodes are almost completely standard, starting with a historical prologue, to show how the relic was lost. Someone goes to Trinity to ask for help finding it. Sydney and Nigel follow a series of clues bringing them closer to the relic. There’ll be another group hunting the same object, for mercenary or other reasons, often with an unexpected agent working for them. Expect secret passages and protective traps, some fisticuffs as Fox takes out the villain’s goons, light romantic tension, a mildly life-threatening situation and a happy ending as the treasure is found and something moral is done with it. The only things that change are the McGuffin and the country involved. The latter is generally as close as the Canadian shooting location can fake it, though the end of the season did appear to fund a trip for actual shooting: five of the last six episodes had a French setting.

It’s hardly challenging stuff, and the action is generally several level sub-Buffy, in part because Carrere lacks much physical presence. The history on view is particularly woeful too, with basic factual errors surrounding just about every “real” character. All told, after the first couple of episodes, which seemed particularly stilted, I contemplated quietly forgetting the entire idea. However, I persevered, and the series did slowly grow on me. Sydney and Nigel develop a nice chemistry, and there are occasional moments which suggest a more tongue-in-cheek approach than you might expect. For instance the line delivered on their entrance into an Amsterdam bar: “Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in a Kubrick film?”. Or, as shown below, there’s the muddy catfight between Sydney and a female adversary, which is almost as self-aware as the one between Denise Richards and Aunjanue Ellis in Undercover Brother.

Make no mistake: even by the low standards of network television, this is hardly great, being incredibly derivative, and unwilling to stray anywhere outside its comfort zone. And yet… Once I came to accept these limitations, I found myself increasingly entertained by the fluffy lack of envelope-pushing. This is the televisual equivalent of putting on a beloved bath-robe: well-worn, comfortable, and you know exactly what you’re going to get. If not something you probably want to wear all the time, there are occasions when it’s just what’s needed.

Star: Tia Carrere, Christian Anholt, Lindy Booth, Tony Rosato

The Devil’s Gravestone

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★★
“Blade-ette, but a good deal more chatty and cheaper.”

devilsgravestoneJaq (LaMont) has devoted her life to hunting and killing the vampires who stalk the night in the metropolis of ‘Roach City’. She became this way after her husband, Cale (Red Star), was turned by one of the most notorious of serial vampires, and the first victim of his blood-lust was their young son. He vanished, and Jaq has spent the years since trying to track him down, taking out any fangster who gets in the way. She is visited by a local detective, Dick (Nemmers), who gives her some surprising news: Cale stabbed himself to death in a local cemetery. However, the body vanishes from the morgue, and it soon becomes clear that that’s not the only strange thing going on, as a woman who was sexually assaulted nearby has gone from zero to heavily pregnant in a few days.

After a brisk and fairly promising start, this becomes increasingly bogged-down in exposition and talk, rather than action. It does have some interesting ideas, putting new twists on old ideas, such as the concept that vampires perpetually need blood, because they “burn” it off constantly, a result of their superhuman strength and speed consuming so much energy. However, there isn’t enough time to do much with these concepts, which are instead espoused – typically by a character I nicknamed Dr. Exposition (James) – then never mentioned or of significance again. If he had been laying the groundwork for a series, it might have made sense, but in a standalone movie like this, it bring things to a grinding halt. It’s the last thing the film needs, because the extremely-low budget approach across the board, from video definition through sound (a lot of the dialogue seems post-synched) to special effects, then becomes all the more obvious.

Once that happens, it becomes a chore to get through. I kept finding my attention drifting elsewhere – checking my email, picking my toenails, the sort of pastimes you do when you’re vaguely bored, yet not disinterested enough to seek out aggressively something more entertaining. More than once, I realized something semi-important had happened while I was distracted, and would have to rewind to the point where I’d lost interest. That’s never a good sign, and the final “apocalyptic” showdown left me thoroughly unimpressed, with all the initial potential having evaporated.

Dir: Jay Mackenzie Roach
Star: Elle LaMont, Joe Nemmers, Grant James, Niko Red Star

Dance of Death

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★★★
“Putting the ‘arts’ in martial arts.”

danceofdeathIn the seventies, Angela Mao was the queen of Hong Kong cinema, occupying much the same position as Pam Grier in the blaxploitation films of the decade. Probably best known in the West for her role as Bruce Lee’s sister in Enter the Dragon (for which she was paid the princely sum of $100!), she had much meatier roles in a slew of films. This is my first exposure to her work, albeit in a print which has seen better… well, never mind days, I’m thinking better decades. It was dubbed and had subtitles, though the English track often matched the English subs more in spirit than anything else. And it wasn’t even ranked in her top 25 by IMDB rating. But, whaddya know, it actually wasn’t too bad.

She plays Fei Fei, a nomadic orphan who comes across two fighting masters, that have been battling for years, without being able to decide who is better. She offers them a solution: they can both train her, and she’ll then go off and fight people – whoever’s training is most useful, is clearly superior. [This kind of thing only makes sense in a kung-fu movie. Fortunately, that’s exactly what this is.] In her first encounter, she sees off members of the Bird Gang, rescuing a member of the Five Styles School, which leads her to join the latter group. However, the rest of the Bird Gang continue their mission to wipe out their rivals, with Fei Fei the sole survivor. She returns to her original teachers to learn more and, after picking up a sixth style from a surprising location, is ready to take on Bird Gang leader, Mu Fa Shan, and his “Upside-down Horse” style.

Early on, I was ready to write this off, because Fei Fei’s fighting skills are second-rate at best. However, as things progressed, I realized that was actually the point: she progresses over the course of the film from being an enthusiastic amateur, through study and training, to someone who can credibly take on a top fighter. Her character may not have much of a story arc: instead, it’s her kung-fu that does. By the time of the final battle – which lasts about 15 minutes – she’s graceful and fluid, filmed by Lu in lengthy shots which do Mao justice. Now, it’s still a style of cinema very different to modern action films; but if you can accept the difference (which I’ll admit, takes getting used too, because it’s relatively slow and far more obviously choreographed), you’ll be fine. I kept being reminded of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers – and that might give you a clue as to the source of the sixth style… Oh, never mind: the title gives it away. It probably helps that stunt co-ordinator on this was Chen Yuan-lung – whom you might know a bit better as Jackie Chan.

It does suffer too much from the perpetual bane of the genre – too many comedic elements, and a resulting horrid unevenness of tone: the revenge motif which is crucial to the plot never comes over as having any emotional punch, not least because the members of the Five Styles clan bite the bullet before Fei Fei has apparently done more than be introduced to them. But Mao has enough charisma and presence to stop you, just this side of throwing things through your TV. If this is one of her minor works, I’m looking forward to the better ones.

Dir: Chuan Lu
Star: Angela Mao, Shih Tien, Shiao Bou-Lo, Chin Pey

Behind The Women of Armageddon

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manidbannerThe Woman of Armageddon is a sci-fi/action crossbreed, taking elements from both action heroine and post-apocalypse genres. Initially created as the basis for a 2012 calendar, now in its third year, the idea has expanded, under the loving care of its creator, Michael Zinn. Zinn took time off from arranging Doomsday, to speak to GWG.org about the end of the world, as he knows it.

For those who don’t know, high concept Women of Armageddon for us.

Women of Armageddon is a (beautiful) vision of an alternate future. “What if the world ended, and only beautiful women were left?”

What’s your background and artistic influences?

Well, I am a computer geek at heart, but when I was in college, everything was lumped into “computer science ” and there was no such thing as Photoshop. I changed my direction, and ended up at the Hartford Art School as a photography major. By the time I left, computers had started doing graphics and I was able to combine my passions.. As far as influences, well, some artists that definitely inspired me are Boris Valejo – as a matter of fact it was his fantasy artwork calendars that directly inspired the look and colors of 2013. I’m also a big H.R. Giger fan. Another big influence is scifi movie posters as wel as “sexploitation” movie posters like Barbarella; two movies that had a specific influence on this project are Planet of the Apes and Mad Max

Where did the idea come from?

Imagine Mad Max meets the Sports Illustrated Swimwear Calendar. The idea originated in 2011, with the prophecies of impending doom in 2012 and the hype of the world ending… possibly on Dec 21, 2012. It was a spoof in my head. A mash up of the Mad Max costumes and women who had the time apparently, to do their makeup and retain their femininity… But it soon evolved to represent women more as a symbol of strength and survival.

_MG_3852Was there a particular type of Armageddon in mind?

Actually, yes and no… The original calendar had a few concepts tossed around. One was that each month would represent a different Armageddon: zombies, aliens, biochemical warfare, natural disaster, nuclear war, etcetera. Another concept was going to be Armageddon around the world, using Landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Empire State building, Wall of China, Golden Gate Bridge. So there’s the “no”. The “yes”, is that in the photographic novel I am developing, there is a specific Armageddon – but that’s not to be disclosed at this time!

How did you go about putting the first calendar together in 2012, getting the models and the weapons?

It was Thanksgiving 2011, and I was visiting family in AZ. The idea had been in my head all year and I finally shared it with my girlfriend at the time, Janine Maloney, who is a fabulously talented makeup artist. She was very encouraging and brainstormed the idea with me, and involved the first models , whom she had worked with on makeup at the local Haunted Houses that usually crop up during Halloween season. They were all very inspired by the concept and eager to get involved, which really helped bring the calendar to life.

In addition to Janine’s “theater” friends, I come from the local music scene, and was able to involve some of my local female musician friends, which helped add some audience to the calendar. We were very fortunate that they were all available and in about three weekends we scrambled to costume and shoot 12 girls! As a matter of fact, a few of the models had boyfriends who built props and sets, and they showed up with some awesome weaponry that appears in the first calendar. It went amazingly smooth for the first time around. I did all the graphic design and layout over a week, and we were able to have the calendar available to order right around Christmas-time!

How was the reaction?

People seemed to really get it for the most part. It also seemed to be inspiring to women. I think people like the fact that these are regular girls and they look great, tough yet battered, Hard, yet soft. Our own reaction – which was interesting – was that this concept needed to expand. We originally were thinking about making a comic book, and in looking for an illustrator, we realized that we had already created a style we could use to express this as a “photo-graphic novel”, a twist on the popular adult version of comic books called “Graphic Novels”

Where did things go from there?

While we were writing the story, the opportunity to appear at ComicCon in NY came up. We didn’t have time to produce the PhotoGraphic Novel we wanted, so we decided to do another Calendar )2013. 2013 was even better than 2012 and we also did a deck of playing cards. The second calendar was amazing! We were definitely better prepared and even more energized – it was also more photography based than post-processed.

What have been the biggest lessons you’ve learned, and the most rewarding moments?

Each project presents its own set of challenge and learning experiences. I learned that a Calendar has a limited window of opportunity for selling!  But I also learned that the concept was huge and there was a world to create.  The biggest challenge was definitely losing my partner in the project. Janine Maloney is an amazingly creative and talented Makeup Artist who happened to be my girlfriend. When we split up, she moved to New Mexico. The 2014 Calender was emotionally challenging as well as logistically.

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Fortunately, a few of the girls i worked with were also talented Makeup Artists and helped me through the challenge, Ally Antun, he only girl that has actually been in all three calendars, is extremely talented and motivated. She has created some great horror characters for “Slim’s Chamber of Horrors” a local haunted house experience that made the news this past season.

The most rewarding moment was holding the first calender in my hands. It was the most tangible proof i had ever seen that “You can do whatever you set your mind to.” The second most rewarding was having a booth at Comicon 2012 in NY with the girls in costume. The response was amazing.

Looks like this is just one of several similar projects – tell us about the others.

Well, This project has definitely connected me to my own style, which I don’t think I had established before, as far as shooting with women goes. While I do enjoy just shooting portraits, The ideas that excite me are more storytelling oriented, a moment in time that speaks to the viewer…

I have a project called DrrtyGrrls which is an homage to old school pinup photography and style, with a little twist – each girl has gotten herself “dirty” in her respective scenario. For example “Arc-Angel” os a girl in a motorcycle shop with a welding flame, working on a motorcycle, or “Flour Girl”- a waitress in a kitchen who has made a bit of a mess with the mixing machine.

Some newer work I’ve been doing is inspired by groups on Facebook like Girls with Guns and Badass Babes, so I have been focusing on the gun culture as well as the biker and tattoo cultures, which are very visual to begin with, providing me with tons of inspiration and material. I have also recently begun working for United Ink, a tattoo based company that runs Tattoo Expos and sponsors their own United Ink Angels – a group of up and coming tattoo models.

What are your favorite action heroine movies?

Hmm. That’s a tough one. I love the Rssident Evil Series. Of course, I have to mention Tarantino’s Kill Bill, and Planet Terror. Can I sneak in Tomb Raider as well?

How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

Unfortunately, I don’t think I would last too long! But if I had any chance to just escape to the wilderness beforehand, that’s what I’d do. Avoid areas that were once populated.

What next for the Women of Armageddon?

Well, the story is pretty much developed and the script is being put together, so we can begin production on the photo-graphic Novel. But I have also been doing a bit of video production the last few years and it’s a very good possibility that we can bring the Women of Armageddon into some sort of live action series or feature. That would be phenomenal!

More information

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