★★
“Fires mostly blanks.”
At the time of writing (year end, 2020), this is sitting at a 1.9 rating on the IMDb. That’s… not good. In fact, if it had more ratings, it would be lower than any qualifying film in the IMDb Bottom 100, currently led by Disaster Movie at a score of 2.0. However, like most things, the hype exceeds the reality (I automatically down-vote any “worst movie ever!” review I see on IMDb; it just demonstrates you really haven’t seen enough movies for your opinion to matter). While this certainly isn’t good, with obvious and glaring flaws… I’ve seen considerably worse. even in the action heroine genre.
It’s a basic story of revenge, and the story/script are okay. The titular heroine (Di Lella, who also wrote it) was the daughter of a crime boss in Spain. She saw her father murdered by a rival, Raffaello (Davi), when she was young, though she was able to escape death. Now a grown woman, she clearly believes in the old proverb about revenge being a dish best eaten cold. She is ready to exact vengeance on Raffaello, his gang, and anyone who stands in the way, so travels to Los Angeles to that end. There, she links up with her cousin, Rico (director Chapa pulling double-duty) and a family friend, reformed hitman Indio (Trejo), who agree to help with her mission.
Let’s start with the positives. These include things like the young Pistolera letting rip with a mini-gun during the attack, a scene which is so excessive I had genuine hope for the movie. I will say that Di Lella looks the part, with a fondness for midriff bearing outfits and pleather halter-tops, which is undeniably easy on the eye. The poster does not sell this short, and delivers on what you see there – given that is not always the case in exploitation cinema, credit must be given where it’s due. Genre veterans Davi and Trejo also provide their usual credible performances.
However, it would be a generous man who would say these are not outweighed by the negatives. Not the least of which is the star’s limited grasp of English. Now, it’s far better than my Spanish, which despite ongoing Duolingo courses and frequent exposure to telenovelas, is still down around the Donde esta la biblioteca? level. However, I’m not being cast as the lead in any Spanish films. Oh, Di Lella gets the individual words out okay: what’s missing is any significant emotion behind them. A text-to-speech generator would have given a better performance.
It’s therefore startling to reveal she isn’t the worst offender in the film. That goes to Marta Blanc as Cherry, an informer whom Pistolera and Rico pump for information. She delivers a big gobbet of exposition which a) utterly violates the “show, don’t tell” rule of cinema, and b) is almost entirely indecipherable. There are other woeful elements too. For example, not one, but two gratuitous flamenco numbers for De Lella. Or the crappy “tattoo” of angel’s wings and crossed pistols, which looks like it was drawn on her back with a marker. Or action scenes which rarely reach even average. All told, while I don’t agree with those who proclaim it the pinnacle of cinematic ineptitude, I have to concede you can probably see it from here.
Dir: Damian Chapa
Star: Romina Di Lella, Damian Chapa, Robert Davi, Danny Trejo