Japanese adverts have long been a popular destination for Western actors and actresses, paying very well for quick work. Back in the day, they were safe in the knowledge that the advert would never be screened outside of Japan. so their Western fan-base would not be aware of their commercial shilling, even if it was for a product whose association would raise eyebrows here. Witness, for example, the series of five commercials that Nicolas Cage did for pachinko, a Japanese gambling game similar to pinball. Or the one for an energy drink, out of whose bottle, Arnold Schwarzenegger pops out like a genie, laughing maniacally.
The Internet, however, means that no country is an island. Recently, I saw an advert for collectible card-game Cardfight!! Vanguard, which had Kazuchika Okada going up against Milla Jovovich. Okada is probably the best professional wrestler in the world whom most people have never heard of: in 2017, he was the first Japanese wrestler to be ranked #1 on Pro Wrestling Illustrated‘s list of the top 500 wrestlers in the world. Milla Jovovich is… Well, if I have to explain that, you’re on the wrong website. But it says a lot, that in the card battle between her and Okada, Milla gets her collectible card-butt handed to her!
It’s not Milla’s first foray into Asian advertising, because she had already returned to the former Soviet Union where she was born, in 2014 – just a few countries over and down a bit, from the Ukraine to Azerbaijan. There, she filmed this advert for the dairy company named Milla: no relation beyond the name, apparently, but hard to think of a more appropriate celebrity endorsement. I’m trying to come up with a tasteful advertising slogan. Maybe something about drinking the creamy goodness of Milla… Nope, I’ve got nothing. [There’s also a making-of short about the commercial, with more footage]
But, it turns out, she was not the first action heroine of our acquaintance to make such an advert in Japan. Back in 1986, the unusually-named sports drink Pocari Sweat [would you sink a glass of Sweat?] decided the best way to advertise its product, was to have Cindy Crawford get all Xena-like and sweaty, swinging a gigantic sword around near a black panther at the Sphinx, while a mutant rabbit watches and offers her a can of the drink in question. Who could possibly resist? The same goes for Lucy Liu, advertising Suntory beer [sorry for the potato quality of the video]. At least that one diet beer. Though I would personally have had her as O-Ren Ishii, saying “You may not be able to fight like a samurai, but at least you can drink like a samurai.”
Liu’s isn’t the only Charlie’s Angel to have gone that route, as Cameron Diaz did a commercial for Aeon English Schools, though it’s kinda dull. Then there’s Natalie Portman, whose use of Lux shampoo apparently imbues her with sword-fighting skills just in time for an audition, allowing her as a result to impress the director and win a role as La Femme Musketeer. Or something. I may be making up my own story there. Portman follows in the footsteps of the future Imperator Furiosa, as Theron – with both arms – had previously been a spokeswoman for the product, as had Bandidas’s Penelope Cruz.
And finally, while Korean rather than Japanese, do you really think I’m going to pass up the chance to include The Quick and the Dead‘s Sharon Stone waving a nozzle around in sultry fashion, trading on her Basic Instinct image to sell fuel? Hell, no! Enjoy them all in the playlist below.